God Speaks Today

What My Brain and Fox News Have in Common

2012-01-31T17:30:00.002-05:00

In my quest to examine all-things-time this month, I’ve made a discovery: I exert an abundance of mental energy carrying around my to-do list. Not a paper to-do list. I carry it all in my brain.

Thus, my brain is a lot like watching Fox News. See, there’s the Main Story going on, usually in split screen, because more than one person is talking—sometimes arguing. It’s what happening right now, in real time.

Then there are the two Scrolly-Strips at the bottom of the screen (because one strip is never enough) scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. These are the things I can’t forget, even in the middle of the main story:

*make the house payement*wash Elijah’s basketball uniform* Rebekah is buying her lunch, not packing on Thursday but Elijah is buying on Monday and Elliana only needs a lunch on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday*stop at Target after you pick up Elliana from Mother’s Day Out, the kids need shampoo and conditioner in their bathroom*call Dad*feed the cat, check to see if we need kitty litter*Elijah had his antibiotic at 7 am, next dose will be after school, tell Jon to give him the third dose before bed*schedule a sitter for next Friday*pull the chicken out of the freezer*schedule a carpet cleaning*no, wait, save the money and buy some carpet cleaning solution for the Bissell you bought 15 years ago*when you go to Target today to buy shampoo and conditioner, buy carpet cleaning solution, too*vacuum and clean the carpets*pray*make Elliana’s 5-year-doctor appointment*pull the wet laundry out of the washer*check e-mails*garbage goes to the curb on Monday*write a blog post*get gas in the car before you pick up the kids from school*we’re out of bananas…

Then there’s the giant red box in the top corner of the screen flashing the Breaking News:

Rebekah left her school book on the front seat of the car! Jon has a dinner meeting tonight and won’t be home until 9 pm! Elijah needs a historical fiction book for his book report due in 2 weeks! Elliana just spilled an entire box of cereal on the kitchen floor! Elijah has strep throat and needs to see a doctor! The cat just puked on the couch! Rebekah busted a bracket off her braces and needs to see the orthodontist!

(whoever said stay-at-home moms don’t “work” has never done this job)

And let’s not forget the Commercials:

You need a bigger laundry room. You need to lose 10 more pounds. You need hardwood floors. You need new jeans. You need a vacation. You need to sign your kids up for spring sports. You need new kitchen towels. You need to spruce up your front entrance. You need to go to small group at church. No, you need to LEAD a small group at church. You need granite counter tops. You need to cut coupons. You need a new computer. You need to read more. You need to keep a cleaner house. You need to be a better wife. You need to remain calm when your kids talk back. You need to spend more time with your girlfriends. You need a pedicure. And a manicure. Who cares if it chips the very day you get it? You are worth it—you NEED it!

That, my friend, is the 24/7 news show known as my brain. All. The. Time. No wonder I am in a constant state of “overwhelmed.” No wonder I feel too busy before I even pour my first cup of morning coffee. I simply cannot carry that much information in my brain all the time and stay sane. No one can. Yet, that is how I live. And that is why I am insane.

So a few weeks ago, as I began to pray about all the duties flashing on my news screen, I felt like God was leading me to perform a massive Mind Dump: Take the contents of my brain and dump them out on paper. Everything that was in my brain. All of it.

It wasn’t pretty.

Now, just to clarify, I am, by nature a “list girl.” I always have some kind of list-system going. I love lists. I love looking at lists. I love crossing things off lists. Sometimes I actually write things ON a list AFTER I’ve done them, just to have the satisfaction of crossing them off. (<---- proof that I am insane)

But if I start to reel in a perpetual state of “overwhelmed“ you can be sure that I’ve stopped keeping and maintaining a good list system. I may jot down a quick grocery list on my way out the door, and maybe I know what I’m making for dinner this week. But that’s probably about it. The rest of it, I’m lugging around in my little News-Show-Brain. And it’s a gigantic, heavy mental burden.

(the nice thing about the news show analogy, however, is that the girls always have great hair)

So, back to the Mind Dump. Here’s how it played out.

1. I got out a blank sheet of paper and literally wrote down every single thing that was weighing on my brain. Everything I was trying to remember. Everything I had to do, even if it was next month. It took me quite awhile to complete this dump, but it was incredibly cleansing. I didn’t have any less to do after I wrote the list, but I had nothing to remember to do. It was all written down on a sheet of paper. And my brain was suddenly free.

2. I then organized my list into different categories.
a. To do this week
b. To do someday
c. Groceries
d. Target/Costco/Whole Foods
e. Things I would like to buy for the house
f. Projects
g. Meals
h. Etc…(I’m adding categories as I need them—it’s a work in progress)

3. Finally, I got out one blank sheet of paper and I wrote at the top “Monday.” And from that massive to-do list formed from my crazy-news-show-brain, I chose a few things that I needed to do that day. I set the bar low, because the worst thing you can do to an over-achieving-lover-of-lists is to give her more things to do than she can actually accomplish in the allotted time. I also learned a long time ago, I need a lot of margin in my day. If I pack it full, I don’t do well.

4. I put all my lists in a cute little 3-ring-binder, with Monday’s list as my very first page. So, my today’s list is in my immediate line of vision when I open it up (not the entirety of my brain dump).

5. I carry this Mind Dump binder with me in my car. I keep it on my kitchen counter when I’m home. As new things pop into my mind, I jot it down. Like a mental game of hot potato, I try to hold information mentally for the shortest time possible.

6. At the end of every day, I look over my lists, consider what I accomplished (which is always WAY more than I give myself credit for) and what I need to do next. If I need to move something from today to tomorrow, I do. I extract only the most important or most urgent things from the other lists to do that day, pulling items from my various dumping areas to create a current-day manageable list. Emphasis on manageable.

And suddenly, like magic, I have clarity. My day is controllable. Enjoyable, even! I wake up refreshed, knowing I am able to accomplish everything I need to accomplish today. And just in case I don’t, I can start over fresh tomorrow. I don’t have to worry about forgetting anything because it’s all right there…in my cute little binder.

I know it's just a simplified version of a daily planner--and those have been around for decades. But still...

I feel like I pulled the plug on that over-stimulating news show and, instead, stepped outside… into a green meadow full of wildflowers, warm breezes and sunshine.

OK, not really.

But it’s helped me a lot. And I thought it might help you, too.

Q4U: Do you have a good system in place to manage your life’s tasks? If you feel overwhelmed, have you considered that maybe it’s not that you’re too busy, but instead you’re holding too much in your brain?

Fitness Friday: What All Successful Weight-Loss Plans Have In Common

2012-01-27T06:00:00.098-05:00

(Scroll to the end to read my P90X2 Update. Or not.
You may instead want to roll your eyes and go, whatEVER.)

The other night I was lying in bed paging through my husband’s Triathlete magazine. Which means only one thing: I have absolutely nothing else to read.

When, low and behold, amidst the myriad of articles about “shaving time off your swim” and “preparing for Kona” (*yawn*) I found a fascinating article about weight loss. Which is funny to me because, second only to vegans, triathletes are the leanest people on the planet. Why do they need to lose more weight? Are they trying to rub it in our chubby faces? Aren't they busy enough with their 5-hour bike rides?

Anyway, I wanted to share a snippet or two from this fascinating article,* because it underscores a few things I’ve been telling you for years. Which means only one thing: The articles I find most fascinating are the ones that support my own opinions.

The National Weight Control Registry (NWCR) is a national database of women and men who have succeeded in losing at least 30 pounds of weight and have kept it off for a year or more. Here are four things the members have in common:

1. Daily exercise (doesn’t specify what kind—just exercise)

2. Dietary consistency (maintaining the same eating habits on the weekends as they do during the week—this is critical, because most dieters eat more on the weekends and sabotage their weight-loss efforts)

Let’s talk about number 2 for a minute—dietary consistency. What exactly DO these people eat day in and day out that leads to weight loss?

All different things.

That's right. Some lost weight on low-fat diets, others on low-carb. Some used Weight Watchers. Some went vegetarian. In other words, their diets were all over the board—they chose a diet that worked for them.

This supports what I told you last week: God made each of us unique. The diet that works for you may not work for me. The key to your weight loss is finding the diet that makes you feel energetic, while at the same time, ushers your body into its ideal weight range. You may not figure that out today. It’s a trial and error process.

3. Self-monitoring (food journaling, calorie counting, regular weighing or measuring)

4. Several failed weight-loss attempts before succeeding. Did that one surprise you? It did me. Again, with the trial and error process!

But here’s the point I found most fascinating:

“The combination of ....variety in successful diet approaches and failures preceding success suggests that people succeed in losing weight when they are psychologically ready, and fail when they are not ready…

Real world and scientific evidence indicate that the specific diet that a person uses to shed fat is not especially important to success in the effort to lose weight.

What’s far more important, it seems, is the motivation level and attitude of the person seeking weight loss. Men and women who are truly ready to commit to a particular weight-loss strategy are almost certain to succeed, regardless of the diet they choose (provided it’s healthy and realistic). By the same token, those who are not prepared to fully embrace their diet are bound to fail, no matter which diet they’ve chosen.”

This supports what I’ve been telling you for-like-EVER: The mental side of fitness is absolutely critical to your results. If there is one key to your success, this is it, baby--Commitment to your plan.

Q4U: Are you committed to your weight-loss strategy? Are you fully embracing your healthy lifestyle? If you haven’t done so yet, make a commitment to yourself today. Then tell me about it in the comments. I promise to cheer you on!!!

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P90X2 Week 4

Total Weight Lost Since Jan 2: 7.8 pounds
Total Weight Lost Since My Highest Weight: 14.4

(You can't see me right now, but I'm throwing a little party at my kitchen table at 5:30 am on a Friday. I haven't seen this "decade" of weight on my scale since Fall 2009)

Well, I ended Phase One--or what I like to call, “How Many Exercises Can I Perform on One Leg or While Balancing on Some Kind of Ball?” Or HMEC IPOOL OW BOS KOB, for short. I have to admit, I got pretty darn good at most of those exercises. And thanks to about a million balance moves, my core is rock hard. It's still under a thin layer of unwanted fat, of course. But I PROMISE, under that layer of fat, I am TOTALLY RIPPED.

I started Phase Two on Monday. Phase Two is much like the original P90X—lots of weight training, alternating days with plyometrics and yoga. Except P90X2 has me doing it all while balanced on one leg or on some kind of ball—or several balls, all at the same time. There are so many balls involved in this workout. At one point, they expect me to do pushups balanced on 4 medicine balls—It’s like some sort of circus move. To this suggestion, I respond, “hahahahahahaha” and then I drop down to the floor and do some traditional push-ups.

I think in Phase Three, we move to juggling the medicine balls while walking across a tight rope, balancing on one foot over flames. Kidding.

In all honesty, that’s one of the things I love most about P90X and P90X2—I can modify the heck out of it and still get an incredible workout. I mean, who can do a balance/resistance move like that on the first try? My husband, that's who—because he’s just all lean and buff and coordinated that way—he's a triathlete, after all. He eats mere humans for breakfast, and then burns them off on his 10-mile run. No layer of fat on HIS core. :)

I choose to look at it this way: I have a lot of room to grow in the program. It will be a LONG time before I get bored, that’s for sure. If I ever master that 4-ball push-up move, I’ll post a picture. And when I can see my six-pack peeking through my fat layer, I'll post a picture of that, too. Maybe.

*This post is based on "Race Shape Ready?" by Matt Fitzgerald; Triathlete January 2012; pages 78-80.

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Linking up with a community of fitness-minded bloggers (and probably a few triathletes) at Jill Conyer's place!

If I Could Ask One Thing of God Today

2012-01-24T12:20:00.000-05:00

Show me the wonders of your great love

Psalm 17:7

If I could ask one thing of God today, it would be to learn to love others the way He loves me. And I don’t mean in some religious, impersonal, send-your-donation-to-the-address-on-your-screen way.

And I don’t mean I want to love the people on the other side of the globe or even the other side of the river. I mean, I DO want to love them. Certainly, I want to love those people, too. But that’s not my prayer today.

My prayer today is to learn to love the people closest to my heart. The ones in whom I am completely and wholly emotionally invested. The ones with whom I share love every day.

For me, this is so much more difficult than loving the person across the river. Not every day. Some days those closest to me are easy to love. Like when they smile and cooperate and speak kindly. And some days they are not.

(I know this goes both ways. I am no saint. But this is my blog and my prayer, not theirs.)

Today, I need to fully rely on God’s love for me to instruct and lead me in love.

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

God is love.

Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.

I John 4:16

I want to learn to love beyond faults, weaknesses and insecurities. To see beyond what is said to me with their mouths and instead get a glimpse of the pain and confusion within their hearts.

To have the wisdom to discern whether Love requires closeness or distance.

Forgiveness or consequences.

Talking or silence.

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love,

I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

I Corinthians 13:1

To resist my own human nature to attack back. Or worse, to flee. To maintain a self-protective stance. To make vows with my heart that declare, "You will NEVER love like this again. Love hurts too much."

And instead embrace again.

Invest again.

Die again.

And do it all willingly. Joyfully. Because I love them, and that’s how Love behaves. Love never fails, even when it gets a door slammed in it's face.

Within your temple, O God, we meditate

on your unfailing love.

Psalm 48:9

I want God to show me how to die to what I deserve. Or what I think I deserve. Especially when I know I'm right and I’ve been wronged. To restore those caught in sin gently. Oh my…the “gently” part is so very hard for me. Which is why I need Love so badly today.

We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for,

and we can understand how someone good and noble

could inspire us to selfless sacrifice.

But God put his love on the line for us

by offering his Son in sacrificial death

while we were of no use whatever to him.

Romans 5:8

The Message

The world would tell me to let harsh words and hurtful actions roll off my back. Don't sweat the small stuff. That's life and life is hard. Move on, already.

But is that the way God loves? Does God pretend things don't bother Him and move on? Does He simply choose to stuff His emotions, so He can go about His day unmoved? Where's the Light of Redemption in that?

Maybe I'm wrong, but I don’t want to learn to shut down my emotions and shove them in a dark closet, pretending they don't exist. That's not God's way. That's not redemptive for anyone. Not me OR my loved ones.

Instead, what I need from God today is His supernatural power to transcend emotion,

to transcend hurt

to transcend frustration

to transcend sadness

and to love anyway.

To be so filled with the Love of God, that Love cannot help but spill out of me when I’m pierced.

That's how God loves me.

And that’s what I’d ask of God today, if I could only have one thing.

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Linking up with Soli Deo Gloria today.

Fitness Friday: Eat to Lose Weight, and P90X2--Week 3

2012-01-20T06:00:00.122-05:00

As if I’m any kind of expert on eating to lose weight.

I am so not.

To refresh your memory, I am the girl who in 2009 gained 12 pounds in 6-ish weeks. And then gained 6 more pounds over the next few months, while trying desperately to LOSE the weight. And then, packed on 5 MORE pounds over the course of 2010.

You do the math. Okay, I will do the math. That's a grand total of 23 pounds in a year and a half. All this, while trying to LOSE weight.

A special thanks to Lexapro. And an honorable mention to my over-40 metabolism. What a great team, the two of you.

Last week, I told you that I had lost 6 of those pounds in 2011 (which, honestly, happened so slowly, I didn’t even notice it until I saw an old journal entry with last January’s weight in it). Yes, it took me a full year of trying very, very hard to lose that weight. I also told you that since starting P90X2 on January 2, 2012, I have lost 5 MORE pounds. Which seemed almost miraculous to me.

Well, now you can make that 6 ½ pounds, 2 inches, and 2% body fat, thankyouverymuch.

That’s 12 pounds of the 23 I gained. Gone. Finally. Adios.

I’d love to tell you that I have it all figured out—that I’ve discovered the magic bullet to weight lost. I honestly haven’t the foggiest. Over much of 2010 and 2011,I tried just as hard as I am trying now, only with little (or opposite!) results.

I. don't. know.

But here is what I have always believed and still do:

1. Diet plays a primary role in weight gain/loss—even more than exercise. Exercise is very important, but diet is even more important. And by "diet," I don't mean "going on a diet." I mean, "healthy eating for life."

2. God made each of us unique. What works for me may not work for you. There is a lot of science to support this fact. Some people thrive on extreme diets on either end of the spectrum, where other people on those exact same diets get very ill. We're different.

3. It is so important to take your time and find the diet that makes you feel strong and energetic, and also gets you to your optimum weight for long-term health. In order to find that, you need to pay attention to how foods make you feel and continually make minor adjustments. We're all learning together what works and what doesn't.

That said, here is what I’m currently eating.

No, wait! First, I have to tell you a few more things:

1. I do not keep a food log. I think they are helpful and, for some people, necessary. But I am emotionally allergic to food logs. I am also emotionally allergic to counting calories. And I am emotionally allergic to following overly-structured meal plans. However, I am loosely following the P90X2 Nutrition Guide. Based on my current weight and my fitness goals, The Guide recommends I eat about 1800 calories/day and is kind enough to map out sample meals--which I am not following exactly (emotional allergies). I have not taken the time to figure out how many calories I’m eating. I am making ball-park assumptions based on the suggested meal plans.

2. I have been tweaking my diet for years, slowly making more and more adjustments toward a 100% whole foods diet. So, what I’m eating now is really just a slight variation of what I was eating in December. The major changes being the following:

a. For the duration of the 90-day program, I am treating myself like an athlete training for the biggest event of my life. I know this isn’t for everyone, so don’t feel pressure to get all nutty like me. Just realize I’ve spent a lot of time trying to maintain some level of “junk” in my diet, and it has not produced the desired results. Don't get me wrong, I like my share of “junk.” But for a few months, I’m just not having it.

b. I am not eating any processed foods.

c. The only sugar I‘m eating is in the form of raw, local honey and fresh fruit.

d. I am not drinking any alcohol.

e. I am not taking any “free days” or “free meals.”

f. I eating less. I have cut my portion sizes back by maybe ¼ from what I was eating previously.

3. Back in October, I started replacing one meal a day with Shakeology, and continue to do so. For the record, I am not a fan of meal-replacement. I believe you should be able to get all of your daily nutrients from real, whole food. However, Beachbody (the makers of P90X) has what appears to be an outstanding and one-of-a-kind product in Shakeology. I don’t have time to explain all the reasons why, but I will say it is 70 of the most nutrient-dense ingredients on the planet and it tastes fantastic. If you want to watch the advertisement that sealed the deal for me, it’s HERE. (This is not a paid endorsement—I get no money for telling you how much I love Shakeology).

NOW, here is a list of different things I’m eating at each meal:

Before Breakfast: 2 large cups of coffee each made with a tbsp raw honey and some half and half (I don’t measure—but I like my coffee creamy)

Breakfasts : 2 eggs and a piece of fruit or a slice of Ezekiel toast; ½ cup oatmeal made with water and topped with a cup of blueberries; ½ cup plain, nonfat Greek yogurt topped with a drizzle of raw honey and ½ cup frozen berries; Shakeology mix with 1 cup almond milk, ½ banana, a cup of frozen berries and a giant handful of raw spinach (you cannot taste the spinach at all—it’s only 20 calories and it’s packed with nutrients!)

Lunches : Leftover dinner (see below); soup (left-over or Amy’s canned); turkey breast slices wrapped around carrot sticks and dipped in mustard; fresh veggies and hummus; giant salad with a small can of tuna and balsamic vinaigrette or Shakeology (made the same as above).

Snacks: an apple and a few almonds (like 6); a cheese stick and some fresh veggies; a cup of plain green tea; a very small portion of left-overs. My snacks are small—like snacks should be.

Dinners: I have made several of the recipes from the P90X2 Nutrition Guide. They are easy to prepare and very delicious. So far, we’ve had Chicken and White Bean Soup; Chicken Enchilada Soup (YUM!!!); Chicken, Broccoli and Brown Rice; and Southwest Turkey Burgers on Whole Grain Buns (Double YUM!). I am making P90X2 Fish Tacos this weekend. I have also made old Fitness Friday Girl Standby Meals like whole grain spaghetti with meat balls, barbeque chicken in the crock pot with sweet potatoes or salmon and roasted veggies. Sometimes—like on Pizza night—I make myself a giant salad and skip the pizza. I add fresh fruit, salad or fresh veggies to every meal. I try to load up on veggies as much as possible. Once a week, we eat out. I stick with the same principles whether I’m eating out or in—whole foods, lots of veggies, smaller portions, no junk.

You may be asking yourself, "Is Fitness Friday Girl hungry during the day?"

Answer: Yes, sometimes. Especially around 4 pm and between about 8 pm and bed.

But here is my little rant about hunger:

I don’t think “avoiding hunger” is a noble goal. I’m talking mainly to North Americans here—where about 2/3 of us are overweight or obese. Constantly filling our mouths so that we feel nary a hunger pang is a recipe for over-indulgence and obesity.

Most Americans (me included) have absolutely no idea what it means to feel real hunger to the point of malnutrition or starvation. We say we want to get to a healthy weight, but as soon as we feel the slightest bit of discomfort, we decide we could never do this for the long-term, chuck our healthy diet and fall back to our old eating habits.

Please hear me. I am not advocating that we deprive our bodies of the nutrients and calories they need for optimal health (Does my food list look to you like I’m starving?) Don’t starve yourself. It’s dangerous, and could be deadly over the long-term.

But, neither do I believe that feeling a little hungry an hour before dinner or just before bed warrants putting more food in my mouth. Mild hunger pangs are not a bad thing, to be avoided at all cost.

Honestly, if I’m hungry and it isn't time to eat, I just think through all the delicious, nutritious food I have already eaten that day. Then I consider all the people in other parts of the world who have never felt the satisfaction of a full belly (the full belly I felt 2 hours prior—not to mention, every day of my life!).

And then, I tell myself the same thing I tell my children when they come to me an hour before dinner complaining they are starving: Dinner will be ready in an hour. Drink a glass of water. Go play.

In other words, I suck it up and ignore it until it’s time for me to eat again—which sometimes is the next day. And that’s okay. Because I am so very, very blessed with an abundance of food. And I am NOT starving. Besides, it’s not good for me to give into my flesh every single time it whines. And, have I mentioned, I’m on a mission to lose the rest of this stinkin’ Lexapro weight?

I’m not yelling at you. I love you. Feel free to speak your mind about my rant or my dietary choices in the comments. I'd love to hear what you think.

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Linking up with Jill at Fitness Friday this week! Go check out a few of the other fitness blogs for more inspiration and less ranting.

For When You Are Weary

2012-01-18T13:11:00.000-05:00

"For the eyes of the Lord

range throughout the earth

to strengthen those

whose hearts

are fully committed

to Him."

2 Chronicles 16:9a

Fitness Friday: My Number-One Tip for Success

2012-01-13T10:35:00.000-05:00

From now until the end of March, I will be giving a weekly P90X2 Progress Report. I will put it at the END of my Fitness Friday posts, so the 95% of you who couldn’t care less what I ate for dinner or if I lost an inch don’t have to read it. You're welcome.

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I am about to give you my absolute, number one, best tip to help you succeed in reaching your fitness goals this year: Name Your Why

Think of every single reason you want to be fit, healthy and/or lose weight, and write it down.

Be specific.

Be honest.

Be passionate.

Be aggressive. B-E-A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E!

That was me, regressing into 16-year-old Cheerleader Sandy. You don’t really have to be aggressive. Unless, of course, aggression helps you name your reasons for being fit and healthy. Then, by all means, get jiggy with your aggression!

This list is for your eyes only. But I highly recommend you keep it somewhere not too far from your vision (which may or may not include the eyes of your house-mates, or in my case, the entire world wide web): Your journal, your bathroom mirror, taped inside your kitchen cabinet, stuck to your fridge, stuck to your computer. Somewhere you can easily access the list. Especially when you are tempted to give up.

I’ve talked so many times on Fitness Friday about how the mental component affects your outcome. Mental resolve is powerful. It can make or break you. It's a vital part of the fitness equation.

So, this is that. This is the essence of the mental component—the mental resolve. And this will help usher you from the excitement of making a New Year’s Resolution to the success of keeping it.

Here is my list as to why I chose a lofty fitness goal for the first quarter of 2012 (to complete P90X2), just so you can see how specific, honest, passionate and aggressive (?) I am.

1. I believe my primary purpose in life is to glorify God. I feel I do that best when I, among other things, take excellent care of my physical body.

2. I love the way I feel physically when I eat pure, whole foods and exercise regularly and intensely.

3. My mom had her first heart attack at the age of 53, when I was just 13 years old. From that point until she passed away at the age of 70, she suffered from serious heart-related ailments, including high blood pressure and cholesterol, additional heart attacks, strokes, bypass surgery and breast cancer (which isn’t heart-related, but still). She ultimately died from complications after carotid artery surgery. Genetics are not on my side. I have wonderful, warm memories of my mom and I miss her every single day; but in those memories, I have none of her living a healthy, vibrant life. I choose to do everything in my power to end that family cycle HERE, with me. I want my kids to have different memories of their mother, not filled with lengthy hospital stays and bed rest. I want to be in a very different place at age 53 (which is only 10 years from now.)

4. I will someday stand before God and give an account as to how I raised my children. I want to teach my children to be good stewards of their health so they can glorify God in their bodies. Like it or not, they watch and often imitate everything I do, including what I eat and if I exercise. I want to model for them a life of health so they can make healthy choices now and in the future.

5. I struggle with clinical depression. Exercise and clean eating is one of the most effective ways to manage it.

6. I love the challenge of a very intense, short-term goal. To me, there is nothing quite like buckling down and conquering the hard thing. Much like a runner training for a marathon, completing P90X2 will give me a great sense of accomplishment. And then I will want to take a long nap.

7. Self-discipline is a fruit of the Spirit. When I discipline myself to eat well and exercise, it automatically spills over into every area of my life. I’m a better wife, a better mother, a better friend and a better Christian.

8. I have hundreds (thousands?) of people who read what I write and watch what I do. I want to be an inspiration to others to eat healthy foods they love, to find exercises they enjoy and to conquer health and fitness goals.

9. I have two bins of beautiful clothes in my basement that I can no longer wear because of my Lexapro weight gain. I want to wear those clothes again. (and then box up all the big-girl clothes in my closet right now!!!)

10. I can tell myself all day long that I’m okay with the 18 pounds (which, at times, crept up to 22 pounds!) I gained on Lexapro in 2009/2010. But truth-be-told, I really, really, really, really, really (REALLY!) want to lose it. I don’t like looking at pictures of myself from the chest down. I don’t like looking at myself in the mirror. I don’t feel good about the way I look on most days, even when I take a lot of time to get ready. I don’t like looking at pictures of me from prior to 2010 and think, “Look how fit/muscular/toned/thin I was!”

And for the record, I did NOT like wearing a skirted tankini last summer, in order to cover up 18 pounds of fat on my stomach and thighs. A skirted tankini is not a bathing suit. A skirted tankini is nothing more than an expensive spandex dress that floats up around your chest in water. It is not comfortable, neither is it conducive to swimming with children in a pool or ocean. I'd be better off wearing a sundress.

I know the day will come when I will need to cover up those areas because of age (sagging, veins, etc). THAT’S NOT TODAY! If I am going to wear a skirted tankini at age 43, I want it to be because it is my favorite bathing suit at the store and I feel gorgeous in it—not because the regular bathing suits don’t fit me.

(I told you: HONEST!)

That’s my list. Tell me one item on yours.

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P90X2 Progress Report, Week 2

This is already a long post, so I will keep this brief.

1. P90X2 workouts are completely unique. I have never done anything like it. Phase One is chock-full of balance and core moves. Many of them on a stability ball or trying to perform pushups on medicine balls (say what??!!?). Plyocide, which is an ultra-intense cardio/jump-training routine is SO HARD and SO FUN! It’s my favorite, for sure. When I’m finished with it, I feel like Tom Cruise expressing my love for Katie Holmes on Oprah. Only cRaZiEr!

2. The diet/nutrition guide is awesome. I’ve made several of the dinner recipes (very easy to make!) and they have all been a big hit my fam—even the kiddos! Next week, I will give you an idea of what I’m eating and what I’m not.

3. And now, the best part…I can hardly believe this, since I didn’t even think it was possible…but since starting the program on Jan 2, I have lost FIVE POUNDS. Remember, it took me a full year to lose six pounds???? A year ago today, I weighed about 10 pounds more than I do right now (however, I was at the very high end of my weight gain—the 22 pounds end). So, really, I still have 12 pounds to go. But dude, I would be happy with seven more. I really would.

Today, all my big-girl jeans are sagging—a feeling I have not felt in YEARS. Thank you, Jesus. Seriously. I can hardly believe it. If you have kept up with my saga of battling this weight gain, you know I’ve tried HARD to lose it. And you may also remember that I had one incident where I dropped 4 pounds in one week, and then put it right back on, even though I was eating right and working my tail off with a personal trainer. So, I don’t want to get too excited here (yeah, um, okay) but I think I may have found the winning combination for my crazy metabolism and stubborn weight.
Finally.
Maybe.
Hopefully.
Time will tell.

Related posts:
The Mental Side of Fitness, part one
The Mental Side of Fitness, part two

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Linking up again with Jill for Fitness Fitness Friday!

Time Diet/Facebook Fast

2012-01-11T08:11:00.000-05:00

Teach us to number our days aright that we may gain a heart of wisdom

Psalm 90:12

In launching this year’s theme for my life, this week I’m intentionally focusing on how I spend my time—or more specifically, how I waste my time. I’m hyper-analyzing my day, minute by minute. Kind of a pain, I know. It’s tedious, for sure. It feels a lot like a diet.

You know how when you first make a decision to eat healthy, and there are obvious foods to eliminate from the get-go? Fast food, soft drinks, Krispy Kremes, stuff like that? What? You don’t know you should eliminate those? Have I lost you in this analogy already?

Anyway, once you give up the obvious, the pounds melt off your hips like butter. You’d think you’ve discovered the key to everlasting weight loss.

And then…

Your new habits become routine, and, lo, your body adjusts. Eventually, you stop losing weight—you reach the dreaded plateau. That’s where you scratch your head and go, “This has been working all along, I didn’t change a single thing. What am I doing wrong?” Now, it’s time to look deeper, more intently at your diet—the things sabotaging your efforts are no longer quite as obvious.

Maybe you start a food log. Maybe you begin to count calories. Maybe you measure portions. Maybe you read more about the nutrient content of your most beloved foods. Maybe you experiment with eliminating foods that aren’t terrible but aren’t wonderful either, like bread or cheese or red meat. You pull in the reins even tighter. You’re on a mission.

Some people struggle with food. Me? I struggle with time.

Managing time well has been an on-going battle for me, for as long as I can remember. On and on in the pages of my journals, I call out to God asking Him to help me “get it all done,” and “make the most of my day,” and “set the right priorities.” It’s not just a trite prayer, either. It’s the cry of my heart. Because, mostly, I feel like I can’t quite get a handle on it. Sure, I go through seasons where I simplify and feel like I conquered it—shoot, I even teach Bible Studies on it! But inevitably, I encounter a disturbance in the force, and I’m right back to struggling again.

Like now.

Therefore, I'm declaring a Time Diet. And the first thing to go is Facebook.

Ah, Facebook. Who could have imagined 10 years ago, something like Facebook would take over our lives? Mark Zuckerberg, that's who.

I don’t play Farmville or anything like that, but I do love to read my news feed, and I love to leave comments and banter with my friends and family. I know that’s not terrible, but sometimes it’s not wonderful either. Time slips away mysteriously, especially since I check Facebook multiple times a day on both my computer AND my phone. It could potentially suck HOURS out of my day—and it has. Not every day, but it’s the only obvious time-sucker I can immediately identify. So, for this week (and maybe more!), I have called a Facebook Fast.

Here are some things I noticed since being on my Time Diet/Facebook Fast

1. I am easily distracted. I’ll start folding a load of laundry and remember I didn’t unload the dishwasher, so I’ll go over to do it. Then, I’ll wonder if anyone commented on my last blog post or Facebook status and I’ll walk over to the computer to check. Then, I’ll think about a song I want to listen to while I’m folding laundry and/or unloading the dishwasher, and click over from e-mails to I-Tunes to play it. Then I-Tunes locks up and I spend an hour trying to figure out what is happening.

On and on and on, day after day. All of that hopping around is wasting a ton of time and making me feel very unproductive. No wonder the days get away from me.

2. Wouldn’t you know, the week I’m off Facebook, I’ve come up with some of the FUNNIEST status ideas. Like this one: “Some kids sneak around to do drugs. My kids sneak around to do soda.” Of course, you’d have to know I forbid soda in the house. And that my kids guzzle it like Buddy the Elf when given the opportunity. Okay, if I have to explain it, it probably isn’t that funny. Never mind.

3. When I don’t manage time well, I forget things. Like the fact that Rebekah is scheduled to get braces this week. That would have been a good thing to remember. I didn’t even have it written on the calendar, and I made the appointment six months ago. Thank God for the “confirm your appointment” message on my answering machine.

4. Even without Facebook, the computer and all-things technological are major time-suckers in my life. I know the computer and my cell phone are good things. I use them for good, productive and godly purposes every single day. But I find myself spending a lot of time trying to figure stuff out.

Sunday, I made a 1 ½ minute promo video for an upcoming speaking engagement, and it took me about 8 hours (!), start to finish, plus additional e-mail discussion time with the sweet ladies who requested it. No lie.

Not to mention, my computer is almost out of memory space, and I’ve spent hours trying to figure out how to clear some. I’ve deleted multiple files, some of which I have no clue what they are or what they do. I-Tunes hasn’t worked properly on my computer for months, so every time I try to sync one of the 6-or-so household I-pods, everything locks up, thus, forcing me to sit there in all my electronic glory restoring and restarting (and using the spiritual fruit of Self Control to resist dashing all-things electronic against the wall and my blond head right along with them.)

I don’t even know what the heck I’m doing half the time—and I waste HOURS doing it. Come to think of it, perhaps I deleted some files that are necessary for I-Tunes to run properly.

Technology is here to stay, so, short of hiring a full time Tech Dude, I don’t really know what to do with this one. I’m open to suggestions.

5. I don’t spend enough time playing with, reading to or engaging my kids. I just don’t. And I don’t like it. I haven’t taken my almost teen-aged Rebekah out for a Starbucks/shopping date in months. I don’t even remember the last time I just hung out with Elijah. Unless by “hung out” I mean helping him with homework or driving him to a Taekwondo lesson.

Last year, I set aside most Thursday mornings to have “Girl Time” with Elliana. I’d take her to her dance lesson, then we’d go to lunch or go to a park or have a play date with a friend or walk around Costco and eat free samples. She still talks about it. Sometimes we pass a certain restaurant and she’ll yell, “Mommy! Remember when we had girl time there and I ordered the mac and cheese?” Then, I had the bright idea to enroll her in a third day of Mother’s Day Out instead of dance this Fall, and voila: the end of Girl Time.

I can come up with all kinds of excuses and tell myself she’s having a blast with her friends (she is) and I’m getting more writing done (I am. Sort of. Wait, am I? And do I even care? Is this what I should focus on right now?) But the truth is, I don’t spend time with her like I should—especially considering I’m a stay-at-home mom and she is a preschooler for only seven more months.

If I accomplish one thing through this emphasis on Time in 2012, I want it to be that I did a better job of cherishing the time with my kids. I can see after only a few days that God has a lot of work to do on me and my time...

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Q4U:

Do you struggle with time management? Have you ever taken a break from a time-sucking activity (TV maybe?) What did you learn about yourself? And finally, can anyone tell me how to free up some space on my computer or why-oh-why I cannot get on the I-Tunes Store or sync an I-Pod to save my life????????????? If you are local, I will totally PAY YOU to come fix my computer. Please oh please oh please.

Fitness Friday: 6 Tools To Help You Slaughter Your Fitness Goals

2012-01-06T06:00:00.069-05:00

Quiz Time!!! What was the Number One New Year’s Resolution made in 2011?

You win, if you guessed "TO LOSE WEIGHT!"

Actually, if you Google “Top New Year’s Resolutions,” you’ll see health-related goals show up multiple times in multiple forms on every list:

“eat healthy”

“quit smoking”

“drink less alcohol”

“manage stress”

Most of us know we need to improve our health, and many of us use the momentum of the new year to make changes. I say, Go FOR IT!

I’m a big fan of setting fitness goals. In fact, this year I’ve set a pretty big one for myself: Over the next 90 days, I am going to complete P90X2.

In case you are not familiar, P90X2 is the successor to the wildly popular 90-Day extreme fitness program, P90X. I love P90X and have recommended it numerous times on Fitness Friday. I’ve already completed P90X twice, but I’m bored and am ready for a new challenge. So, this year, not only am I going to do the daily (insane!) workouts, but I am also following the recommended diet guide AND submitting my final results to the P90X2 people. When I do, I will earn my exclusive P90X2 T-shirt (not available in stores) AND enter to win a chance to be featured in a P90X2 infomercial, which in turn, will make me rich and famous and eternally happy as I prance around in my P90X2 t-shirt, signing autographs as random strangers recognize me on the streets. Oh, the glory of it all.

I intend to slaughter this goal. Seriously, I’m so psyched about it. But, as you all know, it takes more than a ginormous dose of excitement to succeed. Everyone's excited on January 6th. Let’s talk again on February 27th. And again On April 12th. Excitement will only take you so far. To write your own success story, you need tools. Maybe you’ve already set some fitness goals. Or maybe you haven’t, but you know you want to achieve better health in 2012.

No matter if your goal is big or small, you’ll glean something from this

Handy Dandy List of Things That Will Help You Slaughter Your Health-Related Goals in 2012

(or HDLOTTWHYSYHRG2012, for short)

1. Set a realistic goal: I know. Crazy-original, here. But , listen: it’s really important to strive for something you can honestly achieve—especially in fitness. I am only 5 days into the program, and I already know I would never, ever recommend that someone try to do P90X2 unless they were already (a) in excellent shape, (b) had the discipline of exercising daily for at least an hour and (c) enjoyed working out alone while on a stability ball and/or balancing on two medicine balls or maybe even on one leg. This workout is not for beginners, fo sho!

If you are just starting out, it may be more realistic to set a goal of exercising for 30 minutes, 3 times a week. If you prefer to work out with a buddy, it would be better for you to join a class or a gym. Think do-able—which may be small.

Huh? Small? Where’s the glory in that?

Think about it: worst case scenario is that you achieve your goal and then get to set a new one! That’s fun! Besides, I have found that the most lasting changes occur in tiny increments, over time. Glorious!

2. Prepare Mentally: For me, health and fitness is probably 50% mental and 50% physical. When planning to start P90X2, I spent a few hours on You Tube watching promo videos and commentary about the program. I read the entire nutrition guide and fitness guide from cover to cover to see what I was getting myself into. I looked at my calendar and determined the very best day to start and end. I stared at my giant box of new gear sitting in the corner of my dining room and envisioned myself using it.

In other words, this was anything BUT impulsive. By the time Monday, January 2nd rolled around, I was 100% ready to attack this thing. For you, it may be necessary to look through cookbooks and websites to see how you can incorporate healthier meals into your diet with food you enjoy. Or maybe you need to think about how you will rearrange your daily schedule to fit in a jog or a spinning class. Or perhaps you need to grieve the loss of your daily six pack of Coke. Seriously, you will have so much more success if you give yourself the opportunity to adjust mentally to your new habits.

(BTW, for the next 90 days, I’m eating absolutely no junk. I’ve never gone that long without a treat—so, I spent the entire month of December grieving the loss of home-baked goods!)

3. Prepare Physically: I preordered P90X2 in the Fall. And the very next morning, I was in my basement diving head-first into P90X, in preparation. For nearly 11 weeks, I prepared my body for the challenge of the new program. I knew if I wanted to succeed, I needed to be in the best possible shape when I started.

How can you prepare physically for your goal? If you plan to change your diet, you will need to physically remove junk from your home and go shopping for better food. If you want to run a 5K this year, you will need to get off the couch and start moving. If you plan to hire a personal trainer, you need to work out your budget so you can afford it. Do what you need to do to create an environment that encourages you toward your goals.

4. Talk About It: I promise, everyone who knows me well knows I started P90X2 this week. How? I talked about it—all. the. time. Why? For one, I found the more I talked about it, the more excited and committed I became. And B, over the course of the next 3 months, I hope people ask me how I’m doing. I want people to encourage me and cheer me on. I want the accountability. And consequently, people now want me to shut up. What ev.

5. Choose Accountability: Speaking of telling people, I think it’s really important to find someone who will hold your feet to the fire. We do such a good job (especially as Christians) forgiving each other’s failures—we call it “extending grace.” Grace is awesome. I’m pro-grace. I NEED grace when I fail. But when I skip 3 days of workouts because I’m too busy and then eat a plate of chocolate chip cookies because I don’t feel like cooking dinner, I don’t need you to tell me how much I deserve the break. I need you to encourage me to stay the course and do the hard thing:

Sandy, you’ve set a goal. You can do this. Don’t let a plate of cookies derail you! C’mon, you are better than this! Think about how good you will feel if you work out and eat salad!!!

I don’t generally need accountability to achieve my fitness goals—I’m very self-motivated in this area—but I wanted to set up a safety net, just in case I decided to go soft half-way through. That’s another reason why I chose to join the official P90X2 Challenge. I took “Before” pictures and recorded all my measurements. And I have to do it again at 30 days, 60 days and 90 Days. Then I report in at the end. When I’m smelling that plate of cookies or thinking about blowing off a workout, I will think first about reporting those monthly results, and it will help me stay committed.

(Choose wisely, though...if you don't want your husband questioning you when you reach into the bag of Doritos, don't ask him to hold you accountable. Know what I mean?)

6. Know What You Can Control and What You Cannot: You CAN control what and how much you eat. You CAN control how hard and how often you exercise. But you CANNOT control how your body will respond to those changes. I realize many of us need to lose weight—me included. But setting a goal of, “I am going to lose a pound a week for the next 3 months” is ridiculous—no offense. Go ahead and set your weight loss goal, but realize that each person is genetically unique.

You’ve heard the popular mantra, “Calories in—calories out.” That’s catchy, but it's wrong. The human body is not a math equation. Many factors contribute to how quickly and how efficiently you lose weight—everything from genetics to the amount of sleep you get to how much weight you need to lose to the quality of the calories you eat.

Better to set a goal of, “I am going to lose 25 pounds,” without setting a time-frame—realizing it may take three years. Or, “I’m going to complete this program or finish this class or run this race” and then let your body respond the way it will.

And it will!

You just won’t be able to control how it responds or how quickly it responds.

(BTW, it has taken me a YEAR of a controlled and whole foods diet coupled with a variety of physically demanding fitness routines to lose 6 of the 18 pounds I gained in 2009/2010. A YEAR to lose 6 pounds! Where’s the math equation for THAT?)

Q4U: In the past, what goal-setting principles helped you succeed? Would you add anything to this list? What are your health-related fitness goals this year? Share them with me, and I will cheer you on! Also, if you haven't linked your New Year's Resolution Post, there's still time!

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I'm linking up with my friend Jill--aka my P90X2 partner in crime. Check out her Fitness Friday link up for more inspiration on reaching your fitness goals in 2012!

A New Word for the Whole Year, Give or Take

2012-01-04T06:00:00.053-05:00

I’m just going to say right off the bat, I reserve the right to update and/or completely discard this New Year’s Resolution at any point in the current year.

I suppose it isn’t really a “resolution” if it has an exit clause, is it. I feel a bit like I’m signing a prenuptial agreement—Honey, I promise to stay with you forever and ever…but just in case I DON’T, here’s how it will go down.

Every year, God has been faithful to give me a scripture or a theme on which to focus. Sometimes, He even gives me a list of things He wants me to work on—I like when God speaks to me in lists. It’s like my very own little Mount Sinai moment. But this Fall, while praying and thinking about 2012, I was having trouble visualizing one single theme that would carry me through the entire year. My year, as far as I have it scheduled thus far, looks like four distinct seasons.

Jan-March: I am working on a major fitness goal (which I will tell you all about on Friday). Plus, I am preparing for an upcoming women’s retreat where I will be speaking in four sessions. And yes, it really does take me that long to prepare for four sessions.

April-May : I will be preparing for a class I will be teaching for several weeks at my church on adoption.

June-July: I will be teaching the adoption class, and also be vacationing and recreating with my family during summer break.

August and beyond: I begin a new season of life where I will have all of my children in school during the day. For me, this is entirely weird and scary and sad and exciting all at the same time. I have been a stay-at-home mom of small children since October 1997 (and, for any Cooper children who may be reading this post, I HAVE LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT AND WOULD NOT CHANGE A THING). Prior to that, I worked outside the home full time. And prior to that, I was skinny and tan, and ate pizza at 2 am and slept until noon (also known as a college student). And prior to that, I was a child.

So, I have never, ever been home during the day without little children or without an outside job. Well, except the brief period in 2007 when we were waiting for our travel date to adopt Elliana from Guatemala (which coincidentally was exactly 4 years ago TODAY!). Remember when I wrote about my season of solitude? Fall 2012 seemed so far away. And look, we’re almost here.

Anyway, I am anticipating that August will be the launching of a new era where I can finally focus on my writing full time, guilt free—both through blogging and pursuing book publication. I have tons of ideas I’ve been accumulating and putting on the back burner until Elliana starts kindergarten. I’ve tried many times through the years to thrust ahead with my ideas, only to be gently reminded by God to walk at the children’s pace. I sense the day is finally coming where I can sprint. I very well may combust if God tells me to wait again. And yes, I do realize He may ask that of me.

Of course, in the midst of each of these seasons, I will still be running a household of five, which consists of but is not limited to

trying to be a decent wife (which is WAY harder than it looks),

cooking healthy meals,

keeping up on the laundry and four dirty bathrooms,

remembering which kid needs to be where and when,

and fulfilling my various volunteering obligations at church and at school.

Oh, and I would also like to have the occasional dinner or lunch with my girlfriends, so I don’t go completely bonkers. (now you understand why it takes me three months to prepare four speaking sessions!)

So, anyway, for the last few months, whenever I prayed for direction on New Year’s Resolutions, I kept taking this list and holding it up to God and asking, “What do you want me to accomplish this year that isn’t already scheduled for me? What do you want me to become, and how can I improve? What will help me be the most effective person I can be for Your Kingdom this year—what is one thing that will carry me through each of these unique seasons?

And the word that kept coming to me was “Time.”

Okay. Um. “Time” is not a verb. Why can’t I have a verb, God? Verbs are easier to implement. Like “surrender” or “give” or “pursue.” Those words make more sense and translate nicely into lists.

(Well, I suppose, technically, “time” could be a verb. As in, “Can you time Sandy to see how many hours it takes her to explain her New Year’s Resolutions?”)

But I’m fairly certain I’m not hearing “Time the Verb.”

I’m hearing “Time the Noun.”

As in,

Time Management

Wasted Time

Appointed Time

Cherish the Time

Save Time

Spend Time

Time is Short

On Time

Time out

When I pray, all of those statements (and more) flood my mind. But what does it all mean?

A few weeks ago, I still wasn’t quite sure. So, I looked up every Bible verse with the word “time” in it. And then I wrote most of them out. I was seeking clarity and insight. But, honestly, I still felt a bit lost and confused. None of the verses gave me that "aha" moment I was hoping for.

I mean, I understand what “time” means, but if I’m going to select a goal for the entire year, I really want to make sure it’s God leading me there. Otherwise, I’m just running into walls, know what I mean? And though I had a word from God (maybe), I didn’t really know how it translated into a goal. Especially when my focus will shift so drastically from month to month.

In fact, while I was looking up all those verses, the scripture that continued to come to my mind didn’t have the word “time” in it at all.

Our days may come to seventy years, or eighty, if our strength endures; yet the best of them are but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away…Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Psalm 90:10, 12

So, I took all my scriptures (with and without the word “time”) along with what I already had scheduled for 2012. Then I factored in all the unknown things that will happen (good and bad) that are not yet scheduled and will completely take me by surprise and undoubtedly throw me into a tizzy...

And I concluded that in order for me do and be all that God created me to do and be in 2012, (sound the trumpets) I need a major Time Overhaul.

I’m suspecting my very first item of Time Overhaul Business will be to eliminate Time Wasters. And I also suspect I will be revisiting my To Don’t List, and maybe even adding a few additional items that I will prayerfully neglect for the sake of balance. And I also suspect I will be blogging about in real time. (get it? Real TIME?)

And, truth be told, all of this will all go so much more smoothly if I could translate this vague noun-resolution to tangible goals. Which I haven’t really done yet, because I haven’t really had the time.

Heh.

That wasn't funny. I sincerely apologize.

Hopefully, as I move through each mini-season of 2012, swinging from one major undertaking to the next, God will direct me in new ways on how to manage, save and cherish the time—ways that will be unique to each season.

Of course, this may just be something on which I need to focus right now, until I get things under control, and then He will give me a totally different focus for the Spring.

Which is why I reserve the right to update and/or discard this Resolution at any point in the future.

Amen.

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Now it’s your turn. Have you written a post about New Year’s Resolutions? Maybe you’ve written a post saying you are NOT making any resolutions this year. That’s cool. I get that. No matter what you think and feel about annual goals or New Year’s Resolutions, I would love to read about it. Add your link below so we can all come visit you.

If you do link up, please remember to link to your specific post and not your blog's URL. Also, please be courteous and link back to this post so your readers know where they can find us!

If you don’t have a blog or didn’t write a resolutions-type post, leave a comment telling me about your goals for 2012.

New Year, New Pictures

2012-01-02T06:00:00.216-05:00

Scroll to the end to hear an announcement about Wednesday's link up!

It's been nearly three weeks since I sat down at this computer to craft a new blog post. Thanks for sticking with me during my break. Well, MOST of you stuck with me--a few of you unsubscribed. Technically, YOU did not unsubscribe, as you are still here, reading this.

Thank you.

I try not to take it personally when someone unsubscribes. I tell myself it's not the quality of my writing, but rather, the unsubscriber is trying to simplify, which I totally support. But it's sad when I happen to be the fun-but-unnecessary activity that made it to the simplification chopping block.

That's what I say to myself.
As I weep over the notice that reads, "A subscriber has unsuscribed."
Just kidding.
I don't really weep.
Much.

On a good note, even more of you became new subscribers, which is pretty miraculous considering it was a month of reruns. If one of those new subscribers is you, welcome. I hope this blog is everything you dreamed it would be, in your dreams about blogs.

(I have a feeling this intro is probably making it more likely than not that I'll soon be "simplified" out of your inbox.)

(I promise not to say mean things about you, if you decide to go that route.)

(and I will only weep a little bit)

So, three weeks off and I bet you are all wondering how the Cooper family spent its Christmas. First, and most importantly, I slept a lot. And by "a lot" I mean, I slept in until almost 10 am on a few days. Seriously--that's like five hours later than I usually get up. After two weeks of sleeping in, I set my alarm this morning for 8 am and felt like it was the middle of the night. By the time you read this, I will have already been up since 5 am. And will probably have already been mean to someone who has tried to engage me before my caffeine fully ignites my brain.

And though, this is a blog of pictures, I did not get any pictures of me sleeping. In fact, you will see a trend here--in the hundreds of pictures taken during Christmas, I think I was in 2 of them. I really must hand my camera to other people more often. My children are going to grow up thinking their father was a single parent or that I was a vampire or Amish or something.

But we did have a great Christmas break. In the hours in which I was awake, the children and I got creative. And by "the children and I" I mean "the children."

I don't know if I have ever posted any of Rebekah's artwork prior to this. But my daughter is insanely talented. She is very critical of her own work, so she doesn't like me to post it. But I did get her permission to post this. She printed out an impressionist piece of artwork from the internet and tried--for the very first time--to see if she could paint something similar. I think this took her less than 30 minutes to paint. Her's is the one on the right.

We also baked...a lot. My house smelled like a bakery for about five days straight.

Curse the day I discovered I could melt Giradelli chocolate into the fondue pot and dip stuff in there.
Like balls of peanut butter.

Dude.

I also made an all-natural version of Thin Mints, the Girl Scout cookie. I didn't get any pictures of those, because it took me about four hours to dip them all, (and by "me" I mean "ME!") and I was just too stinkin' tired when it was over. But MAN-o-MAN were those little cookies yummy!

On Christmas Eve, Elijah diligently wrote Santa a letter to leave next to the cookies. This year, Elijah is on the fence about whether or not Santa is real. This letter was insurance, just to cover his bases in the event that he IS.

This picture was taken shortly after Santa dropped off all the presents.

Speaking of letters to Santa, remember this one? Turns out, Santa got Rebekah's letter and granted her Christmas wish. Here is Rebekah opening up her last gift. That is a look of confusion/hope on her face.

The gift was a can of food for THIS living creature. Meet the newest member of the Cooper family. His name is Diego. He is a bearded dragon. Who is actually really cute. And will grow up to get really big.

Though, I must admit, I don't think I will ever get used to seeing this in my refrigerator.

The "after" photo. My living room still kinda looks like this, a week later. I'm about to go manic on everyone and start throwing things away. That would be very mean.

The day after Christmas, it was off to Ohio to celebrate more Christmas with our extended families. We also saw our first snow of the season while we were there. My in-laws have the most beautiful bird feeders outside their living room window. So, during the beautiful snowfall, I shot some gorgeous pictures of the birds. And by "some pictures" I mean "about one-hundred."

Jon is an identical twin. And even though we see him at least once or twice a year, it still freaks my kids out every time they see Uncle Joe. This time, Elliana ran up to Jon and yelled, "Dad, there's a guy in here who looks JUST LIKE YOU. Come on!!" And she dragged Daddy off into the other room to see the imposter.

Here is an action shot of the Cooper Christmas. This is just Jon's brothers, their wives and their kids. And not even all of Jon's siblings were there. Have I ever told you Jon and I both come from large families? Yep, we are each one of seven children.

Jon's dad and step-mom have a Christmas ornament with a little-kid-picture of Jon. I'm going to swipe it one of these years.

We stayed with my sister and her husband while in Ohio. If there is a hospitality award for out of town guests, Pam and Deny win, hands down. They treat us like they sincerely enjoy our company. Which is a great quality to have when you are hosting a family with 3 kids for 5 days. My throat hurt from talking and laughing and crying with my sister. I love when that happens.

Here is Jon greeting my 87-year-old father. I'm fairly certain my Dad likes Jon more than he likes me. I'm not bitter.

And here is MY side of the family. And no, not everyone was here either.

Eileen, my Dad's ~~girlfriend~~ ~~companion~~ ~~lady-friend~~ (seriously, what do you call a sweet lady who is almost 80-years old and hangs out with your 87-year-old father???), anyway, she knit all the grandchildren hats.

Here is one of two pictures taken of me over the holidays. It was 11 pm, I was exhausted, and I was talking to my brother about the pros and cons of raw veganism--yes, as a matter of fact that IS fun to me. I could talk diet/fitness/exercise all day long.

And here is our Christmas card, front and back. Notice, I'm wearing the same outfit as I am in the previous picture. Nice. I really do have more outfits than this white vest.

Wishing you and your family the very best 2012!

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Have you made some New Year's Resolutions? Want to blog about it? On Wednesday, January 4th, I'm having a Linky Party!!! Link up your New Year's Resolution post, old or new. And by "old" I mean like a few days old. No one really wants to hear about your resolutions from 2009.

And by "no one" I mean "me."

Can't wait! See you then.

Best of 2011: Lots of Sowing and Sowing and Sowing

2011-12-30T06:00:00.037-05:00

It's become a God Speaks Today tradition.
Each year, during the end of December, we look back over the most popular posts of the year while I step away from writing to enjoy the Christmas Season with my family.
Maybe you missed these the first time around.
Maybe you'd like to read them again...

Welcome to the Best of 2011

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Original Run Date: October 25, 2011. This post is born out of a very difficult season of parenting. If you have children, this one is for you. And it also proves that not all of my posts are random thought-type and/or lists. And sometimes I don't write about American Idol. Scroll to the end for info on the upcoming New Years Resolution Post Link-up Party!

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“As long as the earth endures,

seedtime and harvest,

cold and heat,

summer and winter,

day and night

will never cease.”

Genesis 8:22

Photo Credit

I am in a long season of sowing. I am in the throes of parenting a middle-schooler, an elementary-schooler and a preschooler. I’m on my fourth year of blogging. I sing on the worship team, fill my monthly slot at the nursery sign-in table, and volunteer for the PTO. And I’m doing all of this alongside my husband of 18 years.

If I were to describe my typical day in one word it would be “routine.”

No job relocations, no book contracts, no newly-adopted babies. I’m not changing the world, or even my hair color, as far as I can see. I am just diligently and faithfully setting my hand to do everything God has given me to do for this long, laborious season.

Seedtime is exhausting. It’s easy to become discouraged during seedtime, because I rarely see evidence of my labor. Sometimes, it’s almost as if the ground is looking up at me and screaming, “You are RUINING MY LIFE.” And then, it runs upstairs and slams the bedroom door.

Sometimes, in the midst of seedtime, it’s tempting to look over at the farm next door and wonder why their crops are higher, more colorful. Why are they reaping already? How is it that they have homemade pumpkin pie when I barely see a sprout? Or is that a weed?

Sometimes I look down into my dirty, calloused hands, examine my seed, and wonder if the seed is any good at all—if it will ever produce the harvest I envision. Maybe I bought some cheap seed by accident. Maybe my seed is rancid. Maybe my see is worthless.

Most days, it feels like I’m slowly and painstakingly walking up and down acres and acres of fields, tossing seed this way and that. Scattering pests that swoop down to devour my seed before it even has a chance to take root. Pulling up weeds that threaten to choke a tender bud—a bud that has yet to break through the carefully tilled soil. Hoping the soil and the rain and the sun all do their thing, so my vulnerable little seeds will someday grow.

And then I pray.

And I wait.

And I keep sowing.

That’s where I’ve been, lately. And from my vantage point--out here in the middle of a giant field—where I’ll be for a while.

And that’s why I appreciate so much when God sends me a little sign that something, anything, somewhere, somehow is sprouting. Maybe something I had sown years ago—or maybe last week—took root. Maybe someday, I will have a crop after all.

God graciously sent me one of those moments last night, when my 12-year-old handed me a report she wrote for school. Her assignment was to discuss someone she views as a good Christian example. No, it wasn’t me. That would have been ~~a miracle~~ nice, but I wouldn’t expect such an atrocity until well past her 21st birthday, when she realizes I wasn’t actually intending to ruin her life.

But her choice was someone I had just told her about last week, in passing, while chatting with her in the kitchen one ordinary (and dare I say, routine?) evening.

I chose Rich Mullins because he was an amazing Christian artist with the best of intentions for others. The profits from his tours and the sale of each album went to his church, which divided it up, paid Mullins the average salary in the U.S. for that year, and gave the rest to charity. As a result, Rich lived close to poverty even though he was one of Christian music’s top artists.His faith is demonstrated in a quote that he said during one of his concerts shortly before he died. He stated that:

“Jesus said whatever you do to the least of these my brothers you’ve done it to me. And this is what I’ve come to think. That if I want to identify fully with Jesus Christ, who I claim to be my Savior and Lord, the best way that I can do that is to identify with the poor. This I know will go against the teachings of all the popular evangelical preachers. But they’re just wrong. They’re not bad, they’re just wrong. Christianity is not about building an absolutely secure little niche in the world where you can live with your perfect little wife and your perfect little children in a beautiful little house where you have no gays or minority groups anywhere near you. Christianity is about learning to love like Jesus loved and Jesus loved the poor and Jesus loved the broken.”

She found that quote on her own—she searched for something meaningful to her, and she chose that.

Is that a sprout I see peeking up through the soil?

And so this morning, with dirty and calloused hands, I kneel next to this tiny bud-of-a-harvest, and wipe away tears. I am committed to protect this little sprout from the Enemy who would love nothing better than to choke the life out of it.

Not on my watch.

I thank the Lord that this one tiny seed--and the million others like it—sown in love, will produce a crop of righteousness at the appointed time.

And let us not grow weary while doing good,

for in due season we shall reap

if we do not lose heart.

Galatians 6:9

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Monday, I will be back with all new material. Just a reminder that I will be having a little linky party for your New Year's Resolution post. Maybe you aren't a "resolution" kind of person. That's cool. You can call them "goals." Or you can call them "things I might want to focus on in 2012, maybe." Whatever. I just want to hear where you think you're headed. Let's plan for Wednesday, January 4th. Have a very Happy New Year and see you soon!

Best of 2011: Ten Completely Unspiritual Things I Learned at the Beth Moore Conference

2011-12-28T06:00:00.011-05:00

Welcome to the Best of 2011

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Original Run Date: August 27, 2011. This post was a "Plan B" type of post. I wrote it after "Plan A" fell through. And it ended up being my highest-traffic-producing post of the year. Go figure.

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This post was supposed to be the one where I tell you how Beth Moore heard directly from God, spoke what she heard with eloquence, and left me completely undone. This was supposed to be the post where I try to decode the 10 pages of notes I furiously and frantically scribbled, so that I can share with you all of the deep spiritual truths she extracted and eloquently shared from the Word of God. This was supposed to be the post where I move you to tears as I describe the special bonding weekend I had with my 12-year-old daughter, my sister-in-law and my 12-year-old niece in our annual Girls’ Weekend.

And finally, this was supposed to be the post where I provoke you to action as I describe the ways I’m committing myself to study, do and teach everything I learned from Beth Moore at the Living Proof Live Event.

And all that would be 100% true and completely accurate.

Except that I left my notes in my sister-in-law’s car in Columbus, Ohio.

D’oh!

So, instead of all that, I’ll give you the severely watered-down /behind-the-scenes/unplugged version of the post. Trust me, this is harder than it looks. Because when you are sitting in a Beth Moore Bible Study of any kind, you can be a stinking cockroach on the floor and absorb something spiritual. It takes real talent to come up with something irrelevant and nonsensical.

And with that Intro of Pure Awesomeness, I give you:

The Ten Completely Unspiritual Things I Learned at the Living Proof Live Event:

1. Wearing a flowy black top, dark flared jeans and high heels is a very flattering outfit for all body types.

2. After this conference, 7,000 women, give or take, went shopping for a flowy black top, dark flared jeans and high heels. And went to their perspective salons to get layers cut into their hair like this. Talk about pure awesomeness.

3. Beth Moore uses the grease from 10 slices of bacon (but not the bacon itself) to make her cornbread stuffing at Christmas.

4. It is a moral injustice, plain and simple, that Beth Moore can eat bacon grease and still look like this.

5. Speaking of Christmas, my zoom lens on my nice camera (the camera that was my Christmas present to myself) takes great shots from afar…

6. Except when the subject gets too close. There’s just no way to switch out lenses quickly enough when the subject is walking toward you at a fast clip.

7. Leaving your nice Christmas-present-to-yourself-camera in the hands of two 12-year-olds means you later find about 50 pictures that look like this.

8. When 40-something-year-old women are wiping away tears and frantically scribbling down 10 pages of notes, 12-year-old-girls are drawing mustaches on the pictures in the program

(insert picture here of 12-year-old’s mustache-drawing, except that the program in question is sitting in a car 150 miles away)

9. I have a female, Christian 40-something-year-old friend who has never heard of Beth Moore. Yes, she is from the U.S. And no, she is not Amish, nor does she live in a cardboard box or in any sort of seclusion, voluntary or otherwise.

10. Riding home in a car for 3 hours alone with your daughter, basking in the afterglow of a Living Proof Live Event, is an excellent opportunity to share with her a few nuggets of wisdom she will need later in life. Like the lyrics to Black Water, by the Doobie Brothers. You just never know when she will need to chime in to a little of THIS:

I'd like to hear some funky Dixieland
Pretty mama come and take me by the hand
By the hand (hand), take me by the hand pretty mama
Come and dance with your daddy all night long
(Repeat into fade)

My heart swells with pride, knowing that when the time comes, my daughter is now prepared for such a moment.

I warned you, this would be irrelevant and nonsensical.

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Not that you would want to after this post, but if you subscribe to this blog, you will never miss another post as long as you live. It's easy, free and safe. What's not to like about easy, free and safe?

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Fall 2011 also brought one of my personal favorite series: Everything I Want You to Know About Adoption. To see all the links to individual posts in that series, click here

Best of 2011: What American Idol is Teaching Me About Walking with God

2011-12-26T06:00:00.012-05:00

Welcome to the Best of 2011

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Original Run Date: May 3, 2011. As you can see, I have an unnatural fixation on American Idol. But I'm trying to use it for good, not evil.

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You knew it was coming, didn’t you. The American Idol/Spiritual Application post? Writing on a blog called “God Speaks Today” carries with it tremendous responsibility to listen for God anywhere and everywhere. Even on reality shows involving singing competitions and newly sober Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductees.

So, here you go:

1. When you operate in your gifts, even the Steven Tylers of this world will recognize the gifts are from God. There have been times this season when one of the contestants hits a note or does some insane vocal run, and it literally brings tears to my eyes. I always think, “Wow…what a gift God has given them!” I don’t know how well Steven Tyler knows Jesus, but I can’t help but smile big every time he credits God for the talent—and he does it a lot. I can’t sing like that at all, but God has gifted me in other ways. I believe when we flow in our gifts—really step out there and do our thang, we all can have this effect on people.

2. Just because you don’t win, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t sing: There is only one Idol winner. But there are dozens of contestants who should and will go on to pursue professional singing careers. There are still hundreds more who should and will continue to sing in their little realms of influence—local bands, church choirs, weddings. And there are thousands more who should and will sing only to their children or in the privacy of their shower or in bad karaoke. And that’s okay, too. My point is, not everyone lands the book contract or the president position or the blog that gets a million hits a day. But that doesn’t mean you pack it up and start selling pizzas. Unless, of course, selling pizza is your gift. Then, sell your pizzas with reckless abandon.

3. Sometimes the majority doesn’t know what the heck they are doing: Pia’s gone. Casey’s gone. That’s all.

4. Don’t be afraid to let Simon go: Does anyone even miss Simon? Remember last year all the commotion about Simon leaving and everyone was all “oh my goodness, what will happen to the ratings, and this will be the last season of American Idol, blah, blah, blah.” Remember that? I have found the show this season to be nothing short of a breath of fresh air. I see it on all the contestants’ faces too. Instead of standing in fear of harsh criticism at the end of every performance, they stand in anticipation. I’m convinced, no one needs a Simon in his or her life. Simons may stir up controversy, but they don’t help you excel in your gift. Identify the creator of the negative energy, bid him farewell, and don’t look back.

5. Surround yourself with people who are successful at what you want to do: What a difference it makes to have, say, Jennifer Lopez—who is selling music off the charts right now—or maybe Steven Tyler—who has made a platinum record every decade for four decades straight—offer a compliment, a criticism or a direction. I mean, Ellen was delightful, but she was more like the good friend who just wants you to succeed, but doesn’t really “get” your gift, know what I mean? It’s nice to have those people in our lives, too. Kara was just agitated with something, I don’t know what. I don't want friends like Kara either. But oh…what a difference it makes to have Jennifers and Stevens and producers and vocal coaches working with you—for you!—refining you and your gift day in and day out. Find those people, and stay close to those people.

6. You can sing the exact same words to a different arrangement and it won’t be the same OR Make sure you listen to the demo before you buy the track: During Carole King week, 17-year-old country singer, Scotty, sang the most gorgeous rendition of “You’ve Got a Friend” I have ever heard. Literally. It was outstanding. Off the charts. And that’s sayin’ somethin’ cuz

a. I’m not a big Scotty fan and

b. I AM a big James Taylor fan, and I posted HIM singing that same song long before Scotty was even born, like a few months ago.

So, the next day, I decided to download Scotty’s song from I-Tunes. Only, when I listened to the demo, it wasn’t the same version. The song was still “You’ve Got a Friend,” but it was like double time with banjos and an added dose of twang. It was TERRIBLE!!!!

And I don’t really know how I can spiritualize this point, except that I wanted to complain to someone about it, and it might as well be you. Because I really wanted that other version and it’s not available on I-Tunes!

Can you help me find a spiritual application for that last point? What other spiritual applications can you draw from your favorite television show? Doesn't have to be American Idol. Any show will do.

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May 2011 also brought a 31-Day Series I entitled

31 Days to Health, Wellness and Bathing Suit Season.

Click the title for links to that series.

Best of 2011: Shop/Shoppe? Steven/Stephen?

2011-12-23T08:38:00.007-05:00

Welcome to the Best of 2011

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Original run date: March 25, 2011. Sometimes "random thought" posts don't work. And sometimes they do. This one did. I think it had something to do with the caffeine. (note to self: drink more caffeine when you write). Is it tacky that I laugh out loud at my own posts?
Oh, and Merry Christmas!!!
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I am sitting in my favorite coffee shop with cute clothes and bad hair, because I have a hair appointment in about an hour and a half. I am seated at a table without an electric outlet, which means I have about an hour of battery power on my laptop.

All of that means, instead of writing another stellar post in my Freedom From Perfection series, I am going to do one of my stellar lists of random thoughts. I actually have a Perfection post half-written, partly in my journal and partly in my head. But I don’t think I have time to pull it together perfectly before my computer dies. But I do have time to ramble. I always have time to ramble. And rambling, by definition, does not need to be perfect. Plus, the rambling will allow me to clear my head, which will, in turn, allow me to write a stellar perfection post.

1. In my favorite coffee shop, I see three tables of people sitting near outlets who are not using computers. Isn’t there a law against this? Is it a violation of coffee shop etiquette to approach these people and ask them to switch tables with me? Can they tell that I’m stalking their tables from across the room? Must I start carrying an extension cord in my purse? Is that what it’s come to? Does spelling “shop” as “shoppe” make you feel like you should be wearing a corset and a giant hat?

2. Tonight my man and I are going to see James Taylor in concert. This was one of my Christmas presents to Jon. We love James Taylor. In fact, I had no idea there were people on the planet who didn’t love James Taylor. Until, our friend Kevin apparently gave Jon a hard time about it. Kevin is scheduled to guest post on my blog soon. I think I may have to accidently delete his post, just because he made fun of James Taylor.

3. Elliana’s preschool teacher doesn’t know who James Taylor is. I could see it on her face when I mentioned his name. I even sang a heartwarming rendition of “You’ve Got a Friend” for her at the threshold of the classroom just moments ago. Still, nothing. Oh, the humanity.

4. Oooo! A table with an outlet just opened up! Now I have battery power. But I still have a hair appointment. Enjoy this clip of James Taylor singing “You’ve Got a Friend” while I move my stuff.

5. I had a dream the other night that I was voted off American Idol. I didn’t see it coming. I really assumed I was going all the way to the finale. Did you ever wake up from a disturbing dream and feel disturbed in real life all day long? Yeah, that was me getting voted off American Idol.

6. My sister asked me (in real life, not in my dream) what I sang. I don’t remember that part of my dream. But if I had the chance to do it all again, I would sing “Total Eclipse of the Heart.” My sister said she thought I could really have a “moment” with that song. I agree.

7. Have you been watching it??? American Idol, I mean. I have to pull a Randy here and remind everyone that I’ve been watching the show for 10 seasons. That said, I can honestly say I have never experienced more bliss watching Idol as I have this season. I absolutely love the new judges. Without Simon there, the panel is so peaceful. I knew Simon brought a lot of negative energy to the table, but I had no idea how little I’d miss it until Stephen (Steven?) and Jennifer entered the scene. They are so encouraging, so professional—except for the occasional f-bomb from Steven/Stephen.

8. Jon and I were pontificating about why the talent over all seems so much better this year. My theory is two-fold. First, I think having Jennifer and Steven (Stephen?) picking the talent from day-one made a huge difference. They didn’t put through many goofballs in the various cities. When they did, they got rid of them in Hollywood. Second, this is the first year the contestants are working with producers each week instead of “guest mentors” or “no one.” They have big-shot-music people coaching them, helping them arrange their songs. It’s making a big-shot difference.

9. I bet it’s driving past contestants crazy that the contestants this year are getting the royal treatment.

10. Wednesday’s show was my absolute favorite so far. Not only did they sing MoTown, but they all did so well. Please tell me you’ve all heard of MoTown.

11. Thursday’s show had me on my feet. It was so stinkin exciting. As far as I’m concerned, the season could end today and I would be satisfied. When Casey made bottom 3 and THEN got voted off, I about died. As did the entire known world, I’m sure. I mean, next to the crisis in Libya, this is front-page news. EVERYONE thinks Casey is a contender for the Title. I knew the judges would save him. I predicted it when the bottom 3 was announced. However, I did NOT predict that they would cut him off while he was “singing for his life” to save him. The chaos. The drama. The emotion. I was so impressed with the judges at that moment. I loved when they said, “We know who you are.” You know, like he didn’t need to perform to win their approval. There’s a spiritual analogy in there somewhere.

12. We play American Idol during the show at our house. Elliana is Jennifer. Jon is Randy. Rebekah is Ryan. And I’m Steven/Stephen. Elijah doesn’t get to be anyone, because he always leaves mid-show to play the Wii. Traitor.

13. I’m going to have to pull another Randy here and remind you all that in 1995, I stood behind Steven/Stephen Tyler while waiting for ice cream at an ice cream shop/shoppe called Mad Martha’s in Martha’s Vineyard. He had on ripped up jeans with bandanas tied around his legs. He was with two pretty blonde girls. I was afraid to say hello.

14. I also saw Aerosmith in concert in 1986. Honestly, it was a little too loud for me. Even 17-year-old-rock-and-roll-me.

15. Please tell me you have all heard of Aerosmith. Am I gonna have to sing “Walk this Way?”

16. I went to a lot of concerts in grade school and high school. Most of them with my sister (see #6). My very first concert was Def Leppard, in 1982. I can’t even say that without laughing.

17. My favorite concert is a toss-up between Chicago (while Peter Cetera was still there) and Bruce Springsteen, Born in the USA Tour—row 52 on the floor. I thought for sure I was close enough for him to pull me up on stage and sing “Dancing in the Dark” to me.

18. It’s a good thing I have American Idol and James Taylor to keep me grounded, because our spring schedule is in full swing, and it ain’t pretty. Even with each child in one sport, I am losing my mind trying to remember who needs to be where and at what time and with what uniform. I’m in my brain trying to figure out when they all will eat, if they’ve completed homework and if I remembered to secure Elliana’s seat belt before I drove away. I’m losing my mind. And it just started.

19. Tip of the day? It is wise to know the full extent of the time involved in an activity BEFORE you sign up for it. Who knew middle school track meets would be 4 hours long?

20. Last week, we sat at the track meet when it was 38 degrees and raining. For four hours. That’s when I had a spiritual revelation: Hell is not hot. Hell is 38-degress and raining. I don’t want to go there.

21. This week, we had 80-degree temps and sun. It was glorious. Birds singing. Flowers blooming. My windows were open. I wore shorts and a tank top. I painted my toe nails. That is, until yesterday, when we had another track meet. Then it was 38 degrees. Winter coats and boots. Blankets. Hats, gloves, hand warmers. Is God mad at me for something? The Def Leppard concert, maybe?

22. Today, I had my morning devotion time sitting on the floor of my laundry room hiding from my kids. True story.

23. Well, I hate to cut this off at 23 items and 1400 words, but I gotta get these ends trimmed off my hair. But before you go, leave a comment and tell me: What was your very first concert? or Have you ever hidden from your kids?

Best of 2011: The Comparison Trap

2011-12-21T06:00:00.062-05:00

Welcome to the Best of 2011

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Original run date: March 8, 2011. I wrote three blog series in 2011. One of them I called "Freedom From Perfection." Writing this particular series brought me more personal freedom than any series I've written thus far. And judging from reader comments, I think it resonated with a lot of you, too. Here is Part 8.

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The other day, I went a-searchin’ for a women’s conference to attend this year. A conference to nourish and refresh my soul and give me an event to look forward to, as I impatiently wait for spring to arrive. I googled around until I found one I thought might suit my fancy. (Why I’m talking like I lived in the 1800’s, I do not know.)

I then started reading through the speaker bios. They went a bit like this:

Susie Smith is a homeschooling mother of six. She and her husband live on a farm where she creates nightly meals from scratch with the organic food she has grown and harvested with her bare hands. Her passions include scrapbooking, home interior design, green living, frugal living, women’s ministry, and nurturing sick and orphaned animals back to health. She is the author of seven books and the wildly popular blog, I Have it All Together, Why Don’t You?

(insert professional headshot of beautiful, flawless woman)

Jenny Jones has lived in seven countries and dreams of living in five more. She is a homeschooling mother of four, ages 6, 5, 4, and 2. She and her husband are expecting quadruplets in the fall. She is a marathon runner and plans to complete her 20th marathon just before delivering the quads. She has led over 50,000 people to Christ, through her personal discipleship and mentoring program. In her spare time, she enjoys writing best-selling cookbooks, and has appeared on Food Network, The Today Show, Oprah and Ellen.

(Insert professional headshot of beautiful, flawless, buff woman)

Alright. I’m exaggerating. A little. There was no one pregnant with quads. But every one of these women were simply unbelievable. I wish I could say that as I read through the bios, I celebrated each woman’s accomplishments and considered how I might glean something from her, should I attend this women’s conference. But I would be exaggerating again.

Instead, I was jealous. With every bio, I compared that woman’s accomplishments to my own. And mine fell painfully short.

Sandy Cooper is a stressed-out mom of three. She knows she could never home school because she dreads daily the overseeing of 3rd grade math homework with her 9-year-old . Every morning she wakes up wondering how she’s going to get it all done. And most days she doesn’t. She loves to write and actually has some pretty good ideas, but has a terrible time keeping up with her blogs. Sometimes she forgets to bathe her 4-year-old. She dreams of changing the world, but often puts off changing light bulbs and the kitty litter.

(insert un-touched picture of me in sweats and no make-up, taking a nap)

After my brutal exercise in self-deprecation, I simply didn’t measure up. The more I read and compared, the more defeated and deflated I became. Until, finally, I just clicked off the website, turned off my computer and shuffled my pathetic, underachieving-self into bed. So much for “nourish and refresh my soul.”

For those of us struggling to be free from Perfectionism, The Comparison Trap is a dangerous place in which to linger. We are constantly told that “no one is perfect” and that “perfection is unattainable.” And we know this is true, logically. But it’s hard for us Perfectionists to internalize these truths when we come across others who are living what we define as a perfect or near-perfect life.

“We like to identify our shortcomings, form them into a club, and mentally beat the tar out of ourselves. Over and over and over again. We label ourselves and soon lose our real identity to the beaten and bruised fragility we call ‘me.’ We compare, we assume, we assess, we measure, and most times walk away shaking our head at how woefully short our “me” falls when compared to everyone else. How dangerous it is to hold up the intimate knowledge of our imperfections against the outside packaging of others.”

~Lysa Terkeurst, Made to Crave

Maybe you aren’t comparing yourself to writer/speaker/moms, like I am. But you are comparing yourself to the neighbor with the beautifully decorated, always immaculate home. Or the couple with the thriving, healthy marriage. Or the family with the polite, intelligent and spiritually mature children. Or the minister with the massive following and booked speaking calendar. Or the executive with the top-level, high-paying position.

To us, they appear perfect. Or near-perfect. We see them. We envy them. We wonder what we are doing wrong. And the bondage of Perfectionism continues as we erect an even higher standard with which we feel compelled to judge ourselves.

The older I get—and the more my peers accomplish in life—the more brutal The Comparison Trap becomes for me. Sometimes I feel like everyone is dashing past me, doing all the things I envision for myself. Things I thought I would have already accomplished by now. Yet, I’m limping breathlessly behind, buried in a pile of laundry or stuck in a line of 1,000 vehicles in the carpool line.

This is not the “liberty” Jesus intended for me!

I sense God is wanting to give me total victory here. Thus, He is providing numerous opportunities for me to mature. It seems lately, I have been faced with countless women who appear to have attained “perfection” in some area of life. An area where I currently struggle. An area where I long for success. And I sense God asking me,

“How will you respond? Will you compare yourself with her? Or will you walk confidently in My will for your life? Will you strive to be like her? Or will you rest in My grace, knowing I only expect you to listen for My voice and humbly obey? Will you define your success and failure by your flawed perception of someone else’s success? Or will you allow Me to define you with the Truth of My Word? Which will it be, Sandy?”

For the last few weeks, as I’ve worked through the issues of Perfectionism for the sake of this series, God has revealed to me that a major component in conquering my Perfectionism lies in decimating The Comparison Trap.

I had no idea how much mental energy I spent in the cycle of looking at others/comparing myself/falling short/beating myself up/trying harder.

It’s bondage. Complete and utter bondage.

I’m seeking God’s guidance and asking Him to reveal to me the pathway to freedom from The Comparison Trap. I have some ideas that I’m pretty sure are from God. I want to share them in Part 9. So, please come back.

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If you'd like to read through this entire series, here are the links to individual posts

Intro

Part 1, Perfectionism Defined

Part 2, The Root of Perfectionism

Part3, Re-examine the Painful Memories

Part 4, Procrastination

Part 5, My Best Anti-Procrastination Tip

Part 6, Picture (Im)Perfect--guest post

Part 7, Picture (Im) Perfect, second part, guest post
Part 8 is the post you are reading

Part 9, Decimating the Comparison Trap

Part 10, More Decimating the Comparison Trap

Part 11, When Perfectionists Collide

Part 12, Unconditional Love--guest post

Part 13, Perfection vs. Excellence
Part 14, Conclusion, Embracing Imperfect

Best of 2011: My To-Do List vs. My To BE List

2011-12-19T06:00:00.012-05:00

Welcome to the Best of 2011

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Original Run Date: January 21, 2011. This one speaks directly to my heart. One of my continuing struggles as a mother: to center my days on "being" not just "doing." Maybe you can relate.

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It’s another snow day here in the fine city of Louisville, Kentucky. And that means three things:

1. Kentuckians are very afraid to drive on any amount of snow. Very, very afraid.

2. Our school make-up days will now extend into the summer (which is entirely too short as it stands, in my opinion. Seriously—since when did the entire month of August cease to be part of summer? And now, we will begin eating away at June, too? *sigh* ).

3. My To-Do list is totally shot, again.

Do 2 loads of laundry
Pick up clothes from the dry cleaners
Go to Target
Change the sheets on two of the beds
Mop kitchen floor
Return phone calls
Write—something…anything

Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE me a good snow day. I cherish having my kids home. I like to bake homemade chocolate chip granola bars. I like to make a big ‘ole pot of something hot. I have been known to stay in jammies all day. I get all-nostalgic, remembering as a child playing in four-foot snow drifts, and thawing out in front of the heating vent with a cup of hot chocolate.

But running a household of five takes a certain amount of organization and self-discipline. Snow days don’t really scream “Let’s have a day of organization and self-discipline!” do they.

I know, I know. I’ve been a mother long enough to realize I need to go-with-the-flow on days like today. But honestly, something about setting aside all I have to do (again) generates a bit of anxiety within me. The slightest hint of frustration. Blowing it all off for the sake of another snow day means tomorrow’s chores instantly multiply. And I already feel like I don’t have enough hours in the day to do all I need to do today. Know what I’m saying?

“God is far more interested in what you are

than in what you do.”

~Rick Warren, The Purpose-Driven Life

So, this morning as I lay in bed, watching the sun peek over the trees, listening to the stirrings of children emerging from their warm beds, I think about everything I intended to do today that won’t happen. And in my pre-caffeinated anxiety, I hear the undeniable whisper of God.

“Instead of a To-Do List, how about we create a To-BE list?”

Be gentle: with children who spill dry cereal on the carpet, forget to make their beds and fail to brush their teeth.

Be patient: when absolutely no one moves as quickly as you want them to.

Be kind: to everyone, always.

Be present: to a little boy who wants to share with you every detail of the dragon he fought and conquered on level nine of his Wii game.

Be fun: with the little girl who is asking you to play doll-house, again. With the kids who are begging you to put on your coat and boots and sled with them down the hill.

Be a peacemaker: when you hear sarcastic tones and angry responses behind closed doors

Be merciful: if you are going to err today, let it be on the side of mercy.

Be self-controlled: Pause before you respond, before you react.

Be pure in heart: Let the motivation for everything you do today be the extension of My love to your children and your husband.

Be full of faith: I know exactly where you are today. I created the snow. I created your children. I saw this day before it ever came to be. And I have lovingly and graciously equipped you to DO and to BE all I called you to DO and BE.

Best of 2011: God Speaks Through Facebook

2011-12-17T06:00:00.014-05:00

Welcome to the Best of 2011

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Original Run Date: January 7, 2011. This one gave me chills all over again. Definitely one of my favorite stories of the year.

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The following events are true. I'm not making any of this up.

The day was Tuesday, January 4, 2011.

9:00 am

I drop off my 4-year-old daughter, Elliana, at her Mother’s Day Out program. As I am leaving, Linda, the director of Mother’s Day Out, stops me to share some exciting news: the day before, Linda received her “travel date.” That’s adoption-speak for that long-awaited call from the orphanage in Korea telling her that she may come and pick up her 7-year-old daughter.

For those who don’t understand the magnitude of this, the “travel-date” call is akin to your water breaking in pregnancy. You're having regular contractions and you're on the way to the hospital. You're in the home stretch, baby. It’s just a matter of time, and that child will be in your arms.

As you can imagine, Linda is beside herself with excitement. And I’m more than happy to join Linda in her excitement. You don’t much have to twist my arm to get me talking about adoption.

For the next 30 minutes, Linda and I chat and giggle about the arrival of her new daughter. Seeing the anticipation on her face brings a flood of sentiment to my heart, as I recall the day WE travelled to pick up OUR daughter.

Hey…wait a minute…it was exactly 3 years ago that day (January 4, 2008) when we flew to Guatemala and met our sweet girl for the first time!

Wow. What a cool coincidence.

10:15 am

In honor of this little anniversary, I post this as my Facebook status:

"Three years ago today, in the lobby of a hotel in Guatemala City, a beautiful woman handed me my daughter and our family was complete."

Along with this picture:

11:33 am

I receive this message from a Facebook friend. This particular friend and I had exchanged lengthy e-mails a year or so ago, where she revealed that she and her husband were considering adopting a child. She had lots of questions. I had lots of answers. You don’t much have to twist my arm to get me talking about adoption.

Anyway, her message reads this:

I had some pretty scary health issues this year so I put the whole adoption thing begrudgingly to the side. Long story short I was being checked for cancer and didn't want to bring another child into the fold if I was not going to be healthy. Looooong story shorter, my heart has been so consumed by the desire to adopt a precious child who needs so much love. My human nature seeks confirmation, over and over again sometimes. I kept praying for God to give me signs to know if it was the right thing for us. Yes my desire (and my husband’s too) is there, but is it the right thing?

My silly human self asked God for 3 specific signs.

1. The first was to show me a way to help us cover the adoption costs. While reading a book (Mary Beth Chapman's) I discovered an organization I had never heard of that helps.

2. I asked God to show me if my children could handle the changes. My son directly asked me this weekend if we could adopt a child who needs a good home...preferably a boy because he could relate to him more...but a girl would do, none the less.

3. Third I asked God to show me somewhere, somehow, the face of a mother meeting her new baby. Why I asked that, I am not sure. I guess I wanted to see if I could see it through her eyes.

In under one week ALL of my "signs" were given to me...the third being your picture you posted today. I am in awe of the loving grace of God.

I sent her 3 more pictures of my "face" that day, just to make sure she didn't miss the sign. And I told her to get busy with that paper work. Looks like she's adopting a baby.

Best of 2011: Setting God-Directed New Year's Resolutions

2011-12-16T06:00:00.041-05:00

Welcome to the Best of 2011

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Original Run Date: January 3, 2011--This one will probably be more helpful to you this time around, since you still have a few more weeks before you set your New Year's Resolutions for 2012! Read to the end to find out about linking your New Year's Resolution post in January!

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I am driving my husband crazy. Every time we have more than about three minutes to talk, I say, “So, let’s talk New Year’s Resolutions.” And he rolls his eyes, gives me a long, deep sigh and says, “Um…okay.” And then, he says absolutely nothing while I go on and on about all the things mulling around in my crazy brain about 2011.

I’m totally into New Years. I LOVE riding the huge wave of momentum created by an entire nation of people wiping the slate clean and looking toward a fresh, shiny new year. I love goal-setting and planning. I love TALKING about goal-setting and planning. I love PLANNING to talk about goal-setting and planning. It’s my spiritual gift, talking and planning.

My husband? Not so much.

That's why I need you. While I so very much enjoyed taking the last few weeks off from blogging, I missed you all so much. I missed our chats. I really did! So today, I release Jon from this burden to “talk New Year’s Resolutions,” and turn to you, my virtual friends. Let’s plan and set goals! And then? We shall TALK ABOUT IT!

I'm so excited.

For me, setting my New Year’s Resolutions is serious business. It sets the tone for the entire year. It keeps me on track, as I measure my daily activities against my goals. In the mundane months of every-day-ness, should I start to feel frustrated or confused about where God has me, I look back at my New Year’s Resolutions and immediately feel more centered and focused. It’s a constant reminder of where God is leading me, at least for this year.

I actually start thinking about all of this in the late fall, and most certainly by Thanksgiving. I don’t randomly or impulsively set my resolutions. Not by a long shot. I brainstorm. I ponder. I dream. And then jot down ideas in my journal as they come to me. I pray over them and listen for God’s direction, usually for weeks, before determining what my resolutions will actually be.

Here are some of the general steps I follow in setting my resolutions for the year:

1. I ask God: There is a big difference between asking God to help me form my New Year’s Resolutions and forming my New Year’s Resolutions and then asking God to help me fulfill them. I’ve beat my head against many-a-wall, chasing a dream that didn’t originate in God’s heart for me. I constantly remind myself that some goals are good, worthy goals, but not all goals are God’s will for my life right now, or ever. My heart’s desire, above all other things, is to be in the center of God’s will. So, before any idea turns into a resolution, I ask God for wisdom.

2. I look at five major areas of my life: Spiritual (prayer, Bible reading, character-development, outreach), Relational (marriage, parenting, friends and extended family), Financial (saving, spending, giving), Work-related (for me, this is blogging and teaching), and Health-related (exercise and diet). I don't always have goals in every category. Sometimes I have miscellaneous goals that don't fit any category. This is just to get me thinking about all areas of my life.

3. I look at last year’s resolutions: How did I do on those? Can I cross them off my list? Do I need to continue working on them in 2011? Did a previous resolution develop into a new and different resolution? If I didn’t fulfill a resolution, why didn’t I? I try to be realistic, but not too hard on myself. Just because I didn’t reach one of my goals, doesn’t mean I failed. I don’t follow through on every resolution for a variety of reasons. Even with all my brainstorming and praying, I sometimes set unrealistic or misdirected goals, so it’s actually a good thing that I don’t follow through. Last year, for example, one of my resolutions was to submit one article a week for publication, either in a magazine or another on-line forum. But it only took a few weeks to realize how time-consuming this was. Researching possible venues for my work, and then crafting original material within each magazine’s specific submission guidelines took much longer than I realized it would. Since I only had a few hours a week to write, I realized a better use of my time was writing quality blog posts for my own blog and submitting articles only occasionally.

4. I look at my season of life and my unique family dynamics. It’s so tempting for me to look at my peers and feel compelled to accomplish what they accomplish. I constantly have to remind myself that I have children who need me…a lot! I have a four-year-old, who is home with me all day. I spend almost 2 hours a day carpooling and another hour a day over-seeing homework. I have a hard-working and ambitious husband who relies on me to run the household. Taking care of my children, my marriage and my home trumps any other opportunity life affords me, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Even if other women choose to travel on the weekends for speaking engagements or be president of the PTO or work outside the home or run a home-based business, that is not me. At least not this year. I need to look realistically at my current season of life and set my resolutions accordingly.

5. I look at the Word of God. God’s been doing a lot of “scripture highlighting” for me lately. In my private prayer and Bible reading time, certain scriptures are leaping off the page. It’s crazy. I’m writing them all down, and asking God to show me what it all means for the upcoming year. God usually gives me one main verse to become my “theme” for the year, and it gets posted in a place of honor, in my direct line of vision—just above my coffee pot.

6. I listen to my inner promptings. My feelings don’t always dictate God’s will for my life, but many times God uses those little inner pushings and pullings to direct or re-direct my steps. Last year, as I lived out my every day, ordinary life, there were times I sensed strongly “this is not the way” and other times I felt an overwhelming “yes, this is it…keep moving in this direction.” I’ve been jotting all those things down and asking God for clarity, as I continue to live out my every day, ordinary life.

So that’s my insanely-detailed process. I’m curious, how do you determine your New Year’s Resolutions? Leave me a comment and tell me all about it. That’s right, it’s your turn…”Let’s talk New Year’s Resolutions.”

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It's me again...I'd love to do another New Year's Resolutions link up, like last year. Be thinking and praying about your goals for 2012 and we'll have a little party, right here on the world wide web! Let's aim for the first week of January. Don't worry, I'll remind you.

Only 11 More Days Until Christmas...

2011-12-14T14:18:00.001-05:00

And I find this lying on my computer last night.

FYI: My 12-year-old daughter Rebekah likes to be called "Charlie."

FYI: I'm not making eyecontact with anyone here (JON!) but I'm pretty sure another adult in the house put her up to this.

FYI: We have had no less than 10 caged animals over the years. Everything from guinea pigs, to rabbits, to snakes to hamsters. And probably a few that I've blocked out of my mind. Not to mention about 100 creatures we've "rescued" from the outdoors. No lie. When my daughter was about 3-years-old, she used to catch lizards and attempt to dress them in Barbie clothes. True story.

FYI: I have personally fed and cleaned cages for every living creature we've owned.

FYI: I'm not a fan of cleaning cages, nor am I a fan of animal smells of any kind.

FYI: Yes, as a matter of fact I HAVE told my daugther to feed and clean them herself. That works really well for the first few weeks. And I'm all for disciplining children through natural consequences. But I can't--for the life of me--stand back and watch living animals die from neglect, even if it's to prove a point. And trust me, I enjoy proving a good point.

FYI: Despite my daily feeding and cage-cleaning, I have watched every one of those pets die, eventually. A few of them I tried desperately to nurse back to health with my bare hands. Except for Pepper, the boy bunny. Pepper was a very, very bad boy bunny. Pepper peed on my walls. We let Pepper go into the woods one rainy afternoon. I told my daughter that some animals were created to live in houses as pets. Some were created to live in the woods with other wild (bad) animals.

Pepper, my dear, is a wild animal--not a pet. Pepper will be so much happier out in the woods.

Not my finest parenting moment, but when you are in charge of cleaning bad bunny pee off walls...

FYI: I have held sobbing children countless times as we carefully wrapped the good (and dead) animals in old baby blankets, made little coffins and then conducted animal funerals in our backyard.

FYI: Currently, we house one stray cat and three brand new beta fish (replacing Bubbles the Beta Fish after his untimely death a few weeks ago.) Oh, guess who feeds the cat and cleans out the litter?

So here's what I have to say to Santa in response, with less than 11 days before the blessed event:

Dear ~~Jon~~ Santa:

I humbly ask that you please consider our prior history with caged animals and the mental well-being of Charlie's Mother before you shimmy down our chimney with a bearded dragon. I have a whole list of age-appropriate suggestions for her (none of which breathe, pee, require cage-cleaning or funeral-conducting), in the event that you can't think of anything else to bring Charlie.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Cooper

Fitness Friday: Healthy Strategies for December

2011-12-09T12:29:00.001-05:00

1. Inhale. Hold. Release. This morning, my very first thought upon awaking was, “I have more to do today than I have “day” to do it.” That’s a fairly coherent pre-caffeinated thought, if I do say so myself. But, man, do I hate waking up with a sense of dread because I’m so busy. In December, most of us have more “to do” than we do “day.” If that’s you, take a minute today and b-r-e-a-t-h-e. Just pausing to ask God to help you set your priorities can make a world of difference in how your day plays out. I’ve already done it twice today. In fact, I’m doing it right now.

2. If your weekend is full of Christmas cookie exchanges and lovely buffet tables, stop and enjoy. It’s perfectly fine to indulge a bit over the holidays…just be picky with what ends up on your plate (and in your mouth). You all know you feel like garbage after you eat an entire plate full of sweets and greasy appetizers. Gather your wits about you and choose the very best ones. Then, take your time and savor every bite. Mmmmm….

3. If you are not attending a Christmas cookie exchange or an event with a lovely buffet table, then eat a little less than you normally would. Try eating one salad a day, for lunch or dinner. Try a piece of fruit and an egg for breakfast. At 3 pm, when you would normally grab a snack, try a cup of hot tea instead. Drink lots of water. It’s not difficult to offset your holiday calorie intake if you just think ahead and use a little self control.

4. Forgive yourself for missing a workout. Do what you can, when you can. Remember, something is better than nothing. And if today, your workout happens to be “nothing,” then, so be it. If you have some extra time on another day, then use it to extend your workout another 15 minutes or go another mile. Today may be a “nothing” day for me. And I forgive you, Sandy.

5. And speaking of forgiving yourself, go ahead and scratch something off your Christmas To-Do List. Doesn’t look like you’ll get those Christmas cards out? No big deal. You can send them next year. Intended to make homemade gifts for grandparents and neighbors? Gift cards will do just fine. Haven’t strung the outside lights yet? That’s OK. A wreath on the door is just as festive. What can you let go of today? Go cross it off your list. Right now. I’m serious.

6. Bake the cookies with your kids. Maybe you hesitate because you don’t need another reason to indulge. Well, here’s a fitness secret: A little cookie dough by itself never made anyone fat. Besides, the pound you might gain is worth it, if it etches a life-long Christmas memory into the minds of your children. Trust me, this is time (and calories) well-invested.

7. Take healthy snacks on the go. If you’ve got a day of shopping ahead of you, grab a piece of fruit, some carrot sticks, a baggie of almonds and a giant bottle of water. Stick them in a small cooler and bring them with you in the car. Munching on these healthy, wholesome snacks between stops will help you resist the temptation to grab that Cinnabon and gingerbread latte with extra whip from the mall food court. And it will also help you enjoy (guilt-free) the Christmas cookie exchange and the lovely buffet table later. And the homemade cookies you bake with your kids.

8. Be thinking about your health and fitness goals for 2012. Do you want to lose a few pounds? Do you want more energy? Do you want to learn to cook healthier meals at home? Do you want to try a new program (Hello? P90X2!!). Do you want to take a spinning class? Train for a 5K? Take up martial arts? Now’s the time to be plotting and planning and researching and dreaming. For me, half the battle of maintaining a fit and healthy body is fought in my mind, not in the kitchen or in the gym. With a clear goal and a do-able plan, I am always more confident and thus, more successful.

9. Take a Sabbath. Or a Half-Sabbath. Or a Quarter-Sabbath. Just find some time over the next few weeks to set aside your work for a day or for a few hours. The earth will not fall off its axis if you do. I promise.

10. Be nice. Even when you don’t feel like it…to the cashier who forgets to give you the sale price and has to call the manager to void the sale and start over. To the grocery bagger who promises she’ll pack all your cold stuff together, but then places the sour cream and one packet of ground beef in with your pantry items. To the child who collapses into a puddle on the floor whining when you pick her up from preschool because she’s eaten too many sweets. To the spouse who in all likelihood did absolutely nothing wrong, except maybe be in the room when you barreled through on your way to the next thing. Niceness makes the day go better. (Note: These are NOT examples from my real life. Purely hypothetical.)

11. Be present. If you find yourself racing from place to place, and the people around you are but blurry representations of their former selves…STOP. Last night, after a day of rushing around from carpool to cooking to cleaning to laundry to phone calls, I found myself rushing through a cold parking lot into a crowded school auditorium, where I pushed past the hundreds of other parents to find a decent seat. After plopping down, I stopped. And I just….looked. To my left, was my 5-year-old asking me to help her put fairy stickers in her sticker book. To my right, was a dear friend I hadn’t seen in a month. On the stage, was my oldest daughter, perfectly poised with a violin on her shoulder. I wasn’t actually there, though. Know what I mean? The pace of the day had already propelled my mind well into the future, where I was planning what I needed to do once the concert was over. At that moment, I had to physically WILL my mind to engage in the beauty of the people in my immediate presence. I resisted the temptation to rush through this sacred (yes, sacred!) experience. For the next two hours, I cleared my mind of all the junk I brought into the auditorium and all I had to do after we left. Instead, I chose to be present.

I pray you have a peaceful, productive and healthy Christmas season, friends.

By the way, what did you cross off your to-do list?

Great Reads for a Thursday

2011-12-08T11:09:00.000-05:00

First, Don Miller’s Blog. I love Don Miller. In the unlikely event that you are not familiar, he’s the author of the best-selling-book-soon-to-become-a-major-motion-picture, Blue Like Jazz. It is one of my favorite books. Recently, my pastor recommended I also read “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.”

So, I did.

I stretched out the reading of this particular book for as long as I possibly could. I literally cried as I read the last page. One, because it was extremely moving. And B, because the book ended. No lie. That is about the highest praise I can give a book—to literally cry when it's over.

I know, I really stink at book reviews, which is why I write so few of them.

So, anyway, I subscribe to Don Miller’s blog via RSS Feed (which after 3 ½ years of blogging, still have no clue what that means)—thus, the posts travel to a weird place on my desktop that is not in my immediate line of vision. Thus, I always forget his posts are there. Thus, every time I rediscover that I have unread Don Miller posts, I get all giddy inside, like I just discovered a $20 bill in my coat pocket.

So, this first link is from Don’s blog. Except that this particular post is not written by Don. It was a guest post by Jesse Rice. (Seriously, Sandy? Why the bunny trails?) It is hilarious. LOL-ing during the reading of a blog post forces me (yes, FORCES—I have absolutely no control over my actions) to read further and seek more material from said author. Which I did—Jesse Rice has a blog, hallelujah. It’s called, “The Church of Facebook.” As if the title wasn't awesome enough, reading the first few posts of his blog left me with no choice but to subscribe. Again with the LOL-ing. I subscribed via email, not RSS feed, by the way. Oh, and Jesse has a book, by the same name. Which I need to order.

Here are those links:

An Open Letter to My Fear Of What Others Think
Church of Facebook

Next, a post by another one of my favorite authors, John Rosemond. Funny story about John: about 10 years ago, I saw John Rosemond speak at a live event. There, I asked him to sign my copy of his book “Making the Terrible Twos Terrific.” He did. And I cherished it. So much so, that I offered my signed copy to a new friend from my daughter’s playgroup who was having a terrible time with her two-year-old. A few months later, I asked my new friend if she was finished reading it (my cherished signed copy) and she said that she never read it and had no idea where it was. The end.

That was neither a story about John, nor was it funny. Just a little something that pops into my mind every single time I think about John Rosemond or my friend. (Let it GO, Sandy)

In this article, John takes issue with the popular parenting adage: Rules without relationship leads to rebellion. (Which interestingly, I have heard quoted TWO other times this week...isn't that strange?) This post is extremely timely for me, since my daughter (for which I bought the Terrible Twos book) is now 12 ½. Most days, I find myself groping my way through this unique stage of adolescent parenting. Or what I like to call the “I Have No Earthly Idea What the Heck I’m Doing” stage. Or the “Everything That Has Worked Up Until This Point No Longer Works” stage. Or simply the, “Jesus, Help Me” stage. If you find yourself here, this article may be timely for you, too.

Don’t Put the Cart Before the Horse

Finally, my friend Tyler wrote an outstanding post this week about finding the space in your life where you can hear God’s voice. Tyler says, “I’ve heard it said that you can tell where a person’s heart is by looking over his bank statements. In our day and age, and in particular for women, I think you can tell a lot about where her heart is by looking at her calendar.” Amen. I wish I would have written that.

Or, I wish Tyler would have written it as a guest post on my blog—since I have a blog about hearing God’s voice, and all, Tyler.

But since she didn’t, I’ll send you to her.

While you are there, you must click around a bit. She’s always been a good writer, but lately, she’s been hitting it out of the park. Go ahead and subscribe while you are there, too. For real. Via e-mail, not RSS feed. Unless you enjoy that feeling of discovering something good you forgot you had. Or your RSS feeds travel to a place in your immediate line of vision.

The link:

Life is Loud

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Q4U: Do you have a great post you want to share? Is it YOUR great post? Time for a shameless plug. Leave a comment with your link so we can all come and see what you think is great--even if it's you.

Embracing Accusations

2011-12-06T12:00:00.002-05:00

I have to admit, in the heat of the moment or in the aftermath of a confrontation, I listen to the wrong voice. I have a dark, inner voice. A voice who is relentless, merciless. It tells me I’m unworthy, unlovable and unable. This inner voice accuses and screams so violently above the gentle whispers of my Heavenly Father, it becomes nearly impossible for me hear the Truth about myself.

And so, more often than I’d care to admit (and as recently as, well…now), I embrace the accusations and align myself with the lies about who I am. Once I reach this point, only the Truth of God’s word has the power to convince me I am not a complete and utter failure as a mom, a wife, and a believer.

One of my goals for 2011 has been to define myself by the word of God—and the Word of God ONLY. So, this morning—after a night of hearing and embracing lies—I extracted some precious gems from God’s word. Things I need to know about my identity in Christ.

And I just figured that if I needed to hear them, maybe there were one or two of you who needed to hear them, too.

1. When you feel like, despite your very best effort, you continue to fail…Remember, God accepts you because of His mercy, not according to your righteousness.

“But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.” (Titus 3:4-7)

“It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption.” (I Corinthians 1:30)

2. When you feel alone, deserted and misunderstood by the people you love the most…Remember, Jesus was also deserted and misunderstood by his closest friends and family.

“Then all the disciples deserted him and fled.” (Matthew 26:56)

“Then Jesus entered a house, and again a crowd gathered, so that he and his disciples were not even able to eat. When his family heard about this, they went to take charge of him, for they said, “He is out of his mind.” (Mark 3:20-21)

He says He will be your Father, your defender.

"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling." (Psalm 68:5)

He will be your Husband.

”For your Maker is your husband— the LORD Almighty is his name— the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.” (Isaiah 54:5)

He will be your Friend

”I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” (John 15:14-16)

God is on your side. And if He is on your side, it doesn’t really matter who isn’t.

”If God is for us, who can be against us? “ (Romans 8:31)

3. When you feel like you stink at keeping the balls in the air and your emotions in check at the same time…Remember, He never asked you to carry that weight. He, alone, is in control. He runs your universe. He controls your kingdoms. He holds you in His arms.

"He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." (Isaiah 41:11)

"LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, enthroned between the cherubim, you alone are God over all the kingdoms of the earth. You have made heaven and earth." (Isaiah 37:15-17)

4. When you feel overcome and overpowered by darkness…Remember, God has given you authority over the darkness. You don’t have to put up with that garbage.

“You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.” (Psalm 91:13)

“In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.” (Ephesians 6:16)

“You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them [evil spirits that do not come from God], because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world" (I John 4:4)

5.And finally, if God asks anything of you, He will fully strengthen and equip you to perform the task.

“I can do all this through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13)

“Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.” (Hebrews 13:20-21)

Q4U: What lies do you hear about your identity today? Maybe I can help you extract the Truth about who you are.

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Today I'm linking up with Jen at Soli Deo Gloria

And Emily at Tuesdays Unwrapped

Fitness Friday: An Obese Child = Medical Neglect

2011-12-02T12:06:00.000-05:00

Two months ago, in the town of Cleveland Heights, Ohio, an 8-year-old boy was removed from his mother’s home and placed in foster care. The reason? Medical neglect.

The boy weighs more than 200 pounds. According to government growth charts, an 8-year-old child should weigh between 55 and 60 pounds.

A 200-pound child is at great risk for developing many diseases such as diabetes and high blood pressure. This particular child has not been diagnosed with any of these diseases…yet.

But early last year, the mother and the boy showed up in the emergency room because the child was having trouble breathing. Hospital workers diagnosed him with sleep apnea (which is often linked to obesity), gave him a breathing machine and then alerted county workers of the boy’s condition.

(This should have been a HUGE red flag to this mother. Hello? It is not normal protocol to alert authorities after a trip to the ER.)

Since that time, Cuyahoga County case workers have worked with this family to help the boy lose weight—for a period of 20 months, according to Agency Administrator, Patricia Rideout. I don’t know what “worked with this family” means. But I’ve got to believe that she was given some information on proper nutrition and exercise, at the very least.

This boy is paying dearly for his mother’s failure to respond. Not only is he morbidly obese and ill, but now he is forced out of his home, away from his mother, to live with strangers.

Childhood obesity is an epidemic in the U.S.—and this case is just one of probably millions that underscores the urgency of the problem. I have written about childhood obesity in previous Fitness Friday posts. As a mother, this is a health issue that frustrates and concerns me more than just about any other.

Children are vulnerable. They don’t have the intellect or maturity to understand what is best for them. We wouldn’t give them free access to other things that would harm them physically and psychologically—drugs, alcohol, guns, X-Rated internet content---why are we so nonchalant when it comes to the very thing that feeds and nurtures their bodies? Why do we wave it off to the tune of, “We can’t fix this. It’s too complex of a problem.”

Is it?

In the U.S. we have access to an over abundance of healthy food, so we cannot use that as an excuse. We also have access to an abundance of information about proper nutrition and exercise. We can’t use that excuse either. Other countries might be able to say this. Not us.

Sure, there are many contributors to this problem, but it really comes down to this:

Children cannot eat food unless it is given to them by an adult—a parent, a school cafeteria, a trusted guardian, a caretaker. Children (especially the little ones) do not have money or transportation to stock their own food supply. They rely on adults to do that for them. And we, as the trusted adults, are failing our children, miserably.

At what point will we start taking responsibility for this as a nation? As schools? As parents?

Most parents I know love their kids as much as I love mine. They desire to provide the best environment possible to protect and nurture the little lives entrusted to them. I am sure the mother of this precious 8-year-old boy in Ohio loves her son very much. But somewhere, somehow, there is a disconnect between the ache of love that originates in our hearts and the act of setting healthy food on the table.

I talk to parents all the time who chuckle and roll their eyes at me because I take the time to flip over a package and read the ingredients. They act surprised that I won’t allow them to eat foods with hydrogenated oils (trans fat) or aspartame (sugar substitute). They act even more surprised that my children know what those two ingredients are! I know parents who think they have no choice but to swing through the fast food drive-thru for dinner most nights, because they are just too busy to cook. I know many parents who honestly have no intention of eliminating processed, fatty and chemically-laden foods from their diets, because it’s just too much trouble.

Listen, I’m a mom, too. My three kids are just like yours. Given the opportunity, they would eat crap every single day. They love junk as much as your kids love junk. They would choose sitting in front of the Wii playing Super Mario Brothers to riding their bikes or chasing the neighbor kids outside A-N-Y-D-A-Y. Almost every day, I have to physically remove a crying kid from an electronic device and force him or her outside. Almost every day, I have to firmly remind a child to eat a fruit or vegetable instead of left-over Halloween candy. There have been days where, in total frustration, I’ve throw my hands up in the air and said, “Fine! Eat whatever you want. I’m sick of fighting with you about this.” (not my proudest parenting moment.)

I also do all the grocery shopping and meal-planning for my family. I absolutely know how much it costs to eat healthy food. I know how long it takes to prepare home-cooked meals. I know how time-consuming it is to test out different recipes so you can discover healthy meals and snacks your family will eat.

It feels like an uphill battle when the rest of your child’s world—school, other parents, grandparents, other children---are continually offering them junk. (Just this morning while dropping off my daughter at Mother Day Out, there sat a full tray of store-bought pink frosted cup cakes for their “snack.” Uggggh!!! My 5-year-old does not need to be eating a pink frosted store-bought cupcake at 10 am!!!)

Yes, I know all of this is very difficult. I’m right there in the trenches with you.

But let me ask you this: Since when is the best thing or the RIGHT thing also the EASY thing? Never. It never is. As a parent, you know this. I bet the mom of the 8-year-old boy knows it, too.

If I could talk to that sweet Momma in Cleveland Heights, I would first embrace her and tell her, “You can do this. I believe in you.”

And then I would remind her that God gave her this child and it is her responsibility to take good care of him—even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard. I would muster up all the self-control I had and resist the urge to say, "This is your KID, suck it up!"

I would tell her, it (the changes) might be different from what she’s used to, but it will be worth it. (Not only will she get her son back, but everyone will feel and look so much better.)

And I would tell her that, really, all the changes necessary are probably not as complicated as she thinks they are—eating healthy and staying active are really very simple. (Throwing some meat and veggies in a crock pot is cheaper and less time-consuming than driving to Burger King. Taking a walk after dinner is free exercise.)

I would encourage her that small changes will make a really big difference. (Cutting out soda and walking every day would cause most obese people to drop a tremendous amount of weight immediately.)

I would empathize with her by telling her every 8-year-old on the planet (and every adult) throws a fit when you take away the Doritos and replace them with carrot sticks. (So what? Who’s the parent here?)

And finally, I would remind her how her actions now will have a ripple effect and potentially change her entire family tree from here on out. (Her son will probably be a dad someday…)

Mom, Dad, Teacher, Grandparent…This is a big deal. We can’t make light of it any longer. We can’t wave it off as insignificant. We can’t ignore it. These are our children. Let’s take care of them.

Q4U: What do you think? Does allowing your 8-year-old son to reach 200 pounds constitute medical neglect? Did the government over-step by removing this child from his home temporarily until he loses some weight? At what point is the government responsible to intervene on behalf of innocent children?

I want to hear your thoughts on this.

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Related posts:

Of Kids, Carrots and Cookies (How I implement proper nutrition at home)

Instant Perspective, Part Two (How the reality of poverty in Guatemala vs. the over abundance of the U.S. forced me to act.)

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I'm linking up this week with Megan at Sorta Crunchy for Your Green Resource
and
Jill over at Fitness Friday
Go visit these ladies...they are awesome.

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Sources for this post:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/29/ohio-officials-take-200-p_n_1118186.html
http://www.focusonlinecommunities.com/blogs/Finding_Home/2011/11/30/should-the-state-be-allowed-to-remove-overweight-children

Serious about the Sabbath

2011-11-28T06:00:00.002-05:00

“‘There are six days when you may work, but the seventh day is a day of sabbath rest, a day of sacred assembly. You are not to do any work; wherever you live, it is a sabbath to the LORD.”

(Lev 23:3)

I am so intrigued, yet so baffled, by this whole concept of the Sabbath: an entire day, every single week, whereby God commands (!) His people to do absolutely nothing. I mean, nothing. Just--WOW!

And God wasn’t merely offering a Sabbath suggestion, either. If the Israelites disobeyed this commandment to rest, they were put to death. (Ex 31:14) Can you imagine how different our fast-paced society would be if we all did this?

Can you imagine what December would look like if we all did this?

That’s why I’m Serious about my Sabbath.

Not because I fear the wrath of God. Not because I think I'm still required to live according to Old Testament Law. But, because I think there are some Old Testament laws that, though they are not punishable by death, just make good sense.

"Blessed is the one who does this—the person who holds it fast, who keeps the Sabbath without desecrating it, and keeps their hands from doing any evil.” (Isaiah 56:2)

As a stay-at-home mom, my work never really ends. I mean, I don’t ever clock out or drive away from my office. One day of work bleeds right into the next—even holidays and vacations feel like work with all the cooking and cleaning (can I hear an “amen” from everyone who hosted Thanksgiving this year?) Therefore, it becomes all the more vital for me to become intentional about my rest. It recharges and refreshes me--physically, emotionally and spiritually--like nothing else does.

Observing the Sabbath is counter-cultural, even in my own home. That is why I’ve established a few Sabbath guidelines to make it work for me. Not to be legalistic, but to help me create a true atmosphere of rest. And there just happen to be seven of them. Because seven is the biblical number of completion…and this list is so very spiritual.

My Sabbath Guidelines

1. Make up my mind: I have to decide ahead of time that I’m taking a Sabbath. Otherwise, it just won’t happen.

2. Pick a day: Generally, Christians think “Sabbath = Sunday.” Which is odd, because the Jews observe the Sabbath from sundown Friday to sundown Saturday. I Googled “Sabbath” to read up on the Saturday vs. Sunday thing. Oh GIIIRRRRLLLLL, I got a headache, just sifting through the arguing and finger pointing about the calendars and the religious edicts and the blah blah blah.... No thank you.

Maybe God does care about the day, I honestly don’t know. (if you are a theologian-type person and want to tell us about it in the comments, go for it). But here is what I do know: Sundays around here are a lot of work and don’t feel at all like a day of rest. Getting three kids up and ready for church is…um…labor-intensive. A few Sundays out of the month, I have some sort of ministry responsibility at church. Mostly fun, but work, still. Our kids always have homework on the weekends (this really frustrates me, but that’s a post for another day), and we usually save it until Sunday. And finally, Sunday evening is when I usually make out my meal plan and to-do list for the upcoming week, sort laundry for Monday morning and get back packs and school uniforms organized. All that is WORK.

Honestly, Saturdays work better for me—not because I’m trying to be historically accurate or legalistic, but because I’m trying to be practical and restful. Before my kids were in school, Thursdays actually worked better for me. Put that in your Pharisaical pipe and smoke it.

"Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day. These are a shadow of the things that were to come; the reality, however, is found in Christ." (Col 2: 15-17)

3. Define it: If this is going to be my day of rest, then I need to define what is restful to me. I remember reading an article written by another mom that said, “absolutely no shopping on the Sabbath—no stores, no malls, nothing.” For her, shopping felt like materialism, which did not feel restful or Sabbathy (I've just made "Sabbath" an adjective) to her. I, however, LOVE meandering through the malls on a Saturday afternoon with my girls. That’s not work--that's awesome.

"Then he [Jesus}said to them, 'The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.'" (Mark 2:27)

On the other hand, I love to exercise on the Sabbath. To most people, that’s pure torture. To me, though, a big, long workout is simply luxurious—since the rest of the week, I’m trying to squeeze my workouts in between loads of laundry and carpool.

Bottom line: Sabbath rest means different things to different people. That’s why I’ve designed my very own Sabbath guidelines. These are not intended to bind me to some list of rules, but rather to help me define what is restful to me and what is not.

a. NO COOKING (yes, I'm shouting here)
b. NO LAUNDRY (and here)
c. NO HOUSE CLEANING (and here)
d. NO GROCERY SHOPPING (and here)
e. Wake up without an alarm.
f. Have a long time of Bible reading while I slowly drink a pot of coffee. Yes, a pot.
g. Partake in an extra long exercise time (more than an hour), which usually involves a walk/run outdoors.
h. Do something recreational with the kids.
i. Maybe have a date night with Jon (usually every other week).
j. Sometimes take a nap.
k. Read good books. Read the paper. Read a magazine.

4. Tell my family: Since my work is my home and family, it’s important that I let my family know when I’m taking the day off. They pretty much know that Saturday is my Sabbath, but in case they forget, I’ve been known to respond to certain work-related requests with, “Nope, not today…It’s my Sabbath.”

5. Prepare: I think taking the time to prepare for my Sabbath has been the biggest key to my Sabbath success.

“He said to them, ‘This is what the LORD commanded: ‘Tomorrow is to be a day of sabbath rest, a holy sabbath to the LORD. So bake what you want to bake and boil what you want to boil. Save whatever is left and keep it until morning…Bear in mind that the LORD has given you the Sabbath; that is why on the sixth day he gives you bread for two days.’” (Ex 16:23 & 29)

Do you know what the Israelites called the day before the Sabbath? The Day of Preparation. Brilliant, no?
I was so excited when I discovered the Day of Preparation in Scripture. Prior to seeing that, I had a big problem with taking the day off. It felt like punishment because of all the work I had to do the NEXT day—It felt like my work multiplied when I neglected it, even for one day. It was enough to reason myself out of taking a Sabbath altogether.

But then I discovered the beauty of preparation. Now, if I am going to have a day of no cooking, then I make sure I’ve prepared enough food for my family of five or arranged for us to eat out. If I am going to skip a laundry day, then I do an extra load or two on Friday. It also helps to have the house picked up and basically clean, since I have a horrible time relaxing in a messy house. I know I'm a freak this way, but I gotta do what I gotta do.

6. Protect the calendar: On Saturdays, I try to make sure I’m not running kids all over the city for birthday parties, sleep-overs and sporting events. The word “No” is a big part of preparing for my Sabbath. I never said Sabbath-keeping would make you popular. By the way, sometimes protecting Saturday is just more trouble than it's worth. If that happens, I make sure I select another day during the week where I can rest.

7. Don’t force the Sabbath on everyone: I think it’s really important for everyone to rest, and I would be delighted if we all did it on the same day. But that doesn’t always work in my family. Turns out, my husband doesn’t really want to observe a full day of rest every single week. Sometimes Saturdays are the only days he can get house projects completed or lawn work done—and he’s totally okay with that. So, I’m learning to be okay with it, too. I love when we all Sabbath together (I have just made “Sabbath” a verb), but it’s not always practical or possible. Plus, no one likes when I go all legalistic on people. That’s not restful for anyone.

Q4U: What do you think about observing the Sabbath? Do you practice this? What day? What do you do/refrain from? Let’s talk Sabbath!

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For Which I Am Thankful, In No Particular Order

2011-11-23T20:00:00.002-05:00

1. Whole Foods. Both the actual whole foods (created by God) and the Market (created by some guy in Austin , Texas). Despite the fact that I waited until today (!) to make out my Thanksgiving menu and grocery shop, Whole Foods Market was well-stocked with delicious whole foods (heh) and not insanely crowded. Yes, I know it’s pricey, but their food has no disgusting ingredients and their customer service is unbeatable. They actually appear to WANT my business. Unlike the other grocery store in town where the baggers roll their eyes when I ask them to put the cold stuff together. I'm actually thankful for that grocery store, too. But not really the eye-rolling baggers.

2. My Baby Girl, who turned five on Monday.

3. A Pony Party for that Baby Girl, that went off without a hitch.

4. No book contracts or ministry obligations that take me away from my family. I know that sounds strange, considering I'm a writer and a minister and I’ve prayed for book contracts and ministry obligations. But it has been very refreshing the last few months to relax a bit, realizing no one is holding a gun to my head if don’t write a blog post or fail to build my platform. Not that guns would normally be involved…

5. Friends who continue to pass their boy clothes on to my boy. I think this last batch was three full garbage bags, which was enough to clothe Elijah AND my 9-year-old nephew for the next year. In fact, since Elijah was born, I have had to buy him only a handful of items, thanks to these friends and others who pass clothes to me.

6. A young girl who decided not to abort her baby, but instead, made the brave and loving decision to place her baby for adoption with my very good friends. Friends who have been trying to get pregnant and/or adopt for like EVER. This was the best news I've gotten in a long time.

7. My other friend, who happens to be the doctor who treated this young girl who came in for an abortion. But instead of performing an abortion, my friend lovingly shared with her information on adoption—and then prayed like crazy. I prayed, too. I am thankful for doctors and friends who love God and love life.

8. My son, who prays like nobody’s business for babies saved from abortion and couples who want to adopt them.

9. Elijah’s basketball coach. He survived a series of strokes two weeks ago, and is doing very well. Very scary for a guy who is about my age. We love Coach Z. Can’t imagine things without him.

10. A husband who promises to stay with me forever, even when I’m mean. I know, you can’t imagine me being mean. It's rare.

11. A little girl/young lady, who loves to cook and has pledged to help her Momma in the kitchen at Thanksgiving time. Which I am very much looking forward to.

12. And finally, all the things I take for granted every day. There are thousands of things, actually, but these are the few that come to my mind right now: my soft king-sized bed, coffee, my health, my car, food, a home, friends, my church, my blender, freedom, good books, my Kitchen-Aid Mixer, family, great neighbors, my house, people who read this blog, my washer and dryer, hot water, toilets, my giant brown blanket and my lap top.

Amen.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

Fitness Friday: Redefining Family Time

2011-11-18T06:00:00.043-05:00

For those of us who care about our health, we have a love/hate relationship with the holidays. While we savor the time gathering with loved ones, we dread navigating the buffet tables. For us, holidays are like a field of land mines. We carefully tread through them with as little residual damage on our hips and bellies as possible.

I am so done with that! Aren't you? Let this be the year the battle ends.

I posted this last year just before Thanksgiving on my fitness blog. I love this post for so many reasons. Namely, because as I read it, it reignited a desire in me to incorporate healthy habits into our holidays without sacrificing our fun. And it helped me pause to remember what is truly important about Thanksgiving (hint: it's NOT the food!).

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Original run date: November 24, 2010

Recently, I was talking to my sister-in-law about the drastic changes she and her family were making in their diet. They have always been healthy eaters, but because of some on-going health issues, including a variety of food allergies in 2 of their 3 small children, they decided to give raw veganism a try. (Don’t worry, this is not a post about raw veganism)

The timing of our conversation was perfect, because coincidentally, I was also about to launch into my own month of veganism. Eating nothing but whole and natural plant-based foods is extreme in its own right. I had to prepare my family for the temporary change. I had to plan for each and every meal. I had to strategize about which restaurants would support my wacky new diet while still giving my children some kid-friendly options.

My brother and his family were about to do all of that, but they were also adding to it the radical element of not cooking any of their food.

I was intrigued, to say the least.

I asked my sister-in-law vital questions like, “What are you going to do about pizza night? My kids look so forward to this. Where will you go out to eat on the weekends? Eating out as a family is one of our favorite things to do. What will you serve on the kids’ birthdays if you can’t have cake? I mean, who doesn’t give their kids a birthday cake? How in the world will you have quality family time if you remove all these things from your lives?”

I was dead serious. Not in a condeming way. In a how-do-you-still-have-a-normal-family-life-while-doing-that kind of way.

She simply responded, “We are redefining the term ‘family time.’ Rather than having it always center on what I am serving or where we are eating, we are doing more meaningful things like going out to play putt-putt or playing basketball in the driveway.”

What a profound thought, for this over-indulgent society of ours (and for this over-indulgent mom). A society that equates the holidays with excessive eating—almost as if you cannot have one without the other. A society where the phrase, “I’m going to enjoy my holidays” has become synonymous with “I’m going to devour with reckless abandon all the bad-for-me things I love.”

Oh, how guilty I have been of orchestrating an entire family event around a meal, a dessert or a restaurant destination. Just like the typical Butterball turkey commercials where the entire family ooohhhs and aaahhhhs over the perfectly roasted bird entering the dining room, I’ve made my family holiday celebrations more about the turkey than about the people eating the turkey. More about the cookies, than the children helping me frost the cookies. More about pie, than the husband who loves to sink his fork into the pie.

More about the food than the God who provided the food.

What if this holiday, we redefined family time? Could our holidays be just as enjoyable if we served healthy, wholesome foods instead of the traditional sugar/carb-fest? If we used chicken broth and half the butter in our mashed potatoes? If we consumed one slice of pie instead of one slice of each pie?

What if instead of the climax of Thanksgiving dinner being the carving of the turkey, it was carving out the time to linger around the table to share favorite family moments of the previous year?

What if, instead of loading our stomachs with a second helping of sweet potato and marshmallow casserole, we loaded our kids into the car and served in our local homeless shelter?

What if instead of spending Thursday morning standing in the kitchen for hours and hours preparing a meal that will be consumed in less than 20 minutes (does this drive anyone else absolutely insane?!?) we spent 20 minutes preparing a meal and hours and hours playing football in the back yard or board games in front of the fireplace?

I am redefining the holidays for the sake my family our health.

Yes, I will be cooking a Thanksgiving meal this year. And yes, I will serve a turkey with both mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie (healthy, wholesome versions of each!). But I am also making a concerted effort to shift my focus and my efforts. Rather than Thanksgiving being all about the menu—and pouring the majority of my time and attention there, I’m going to make it all about God and others—and pouring the majority of my time and attention there.

Q4U: What healthy holiday strategies will you implement this year?

If you enjoyed this post, you might also like this:

Healthy Holiday Strategies: Host the Event

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Want to know more about Fitness Friday? Ever wonder why I have such a passion about health and nutrition? Want to read through some of my all-time favorite Fitness Friday posts?

I just created a new Fitness Friday tab on the nav-bar at the top of the blog. Check it out.

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I'm linking up with my new friend Jill for her Fitness Friday Blog Hop.

Amen to That

2011-11-16T06:00:00.006-05:00

"I think that all these doctrinal statements that all the congregations come up with over the years are basically just not very worthwhile. I don't mean to sound mean toward the people who came up with them. I understand in the past there have been many heretical movements, and we still need to maintain sound doctrine...But I think our real doctrine is that doctrine that is born out in our character.

I think you can profess the Apostles' Creed until Jesus returns, but if you don't love somebody, you never were a Christian...

I am a Christian because I have seen the love of God lived out in the lives of people who know Him. The Word has become flesh and I have encountered God in the people who have manifested (in many 'unreasonable' ways) His presence--a presence that's more convincing--it is a presence that's compelling.

I am a Christian, not because someone explained the nuts and bolts of Christianity to me, but because there were people who were willing to be the nuts and bolts."

~The Late Rich Mullins~

Fighting for Balance

2011-11-14T06:00:00.059-05:00

"Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom…And may the Lord our God show us his approval and make our efforts successful. Yes, make our efforts successful!"

Psalm 90: 10 & 17 NLT

Photo Credit

The other day during my workout, I was doing a balance posture. That’s where you put your body in some contorted state, usually on one leg, and try to maintain that position for a minute or so. Doesn’t sound like much of a workout, does it. But if you’ve ever tried this at home, you know it ain’t easy.

Great balance involves more muscles than you think. Certainly, all the muscles of your core: your abs, your back, your glutes, your hamstrings and your quads. And also, the muscles of your lower legs, ankles and feet. And every toe. And your arms—both of them. And, believe it or not, your eyes. Cuz, if you shift your focus for even a millisecond—say, if a child gallops through the room looking for a stray Barbie shoe—you will teeter and totter, struggling to stay upright. It totally messes with your chi.

A balance posture done right is a fantastic way to build muscle strength and flexibility—both signs of physical health. Sure, starting a balance posture in a strong position is vital. But the real strength comes when you shift, grunt, hold, shift, flex, grunt and adjust to stay-put without tumbling over, and then move gracefully from one posture to the next.

Maintaining a balanced life is no different. I cannot tell you how many times I successfully achieve balance in an area, only to find myself weeks or months later struggling to maintain it. Why? Because balance is not a destination. It’s an art. It’s a journey. It’s a dance. It’s a Yoga balance posture. It’s whatever metaphor you want it to be involving constant change and growth and progress.

Life involves constant change, so balance must follow.

The meals you planned and cooked so diligently last month may be uninteresting to you and your family this month.

Children grow and mature --and sometimes regress--requiring more or less time and effort.

Children get sick, sometimes one at a time, and sometimes all at the same time. Sometimes you get sick because you’ve been caring for your sick children.

Football season turns into basketball season—and you need to look at the schedule and decide if your kids will still take Tae Kwon Do and dance lessons on Tuesdays or if it works better to change nights or drop lessons altogether.

You look at your maturing 7th-grader and assess whether it’s more beneficial to her to attend youth group or stay home so she can finish homework and eat dinner with the family.

Sometimes you start accumulating too much stuff: clothes, toys, mail, kitchen utensils, blog subscriptions…and you find you are spending an obscene amount of time managing your stuff.

Your e-mail might get hacked, causing you to have to spend 6 hours on the computer to stop the hacking.

Your cell phone provider may be incompetent and unable to figure out why the new feature you added to your family-talk plan won’t go through on their system, which in turn causes you to spend an extra 8 hours on the phone in one week trying to resolve the issue because they’ve had to delete your account and add you back into the system three times (!!!) even though you’ve been a customer of this particular cell phone provider since the invention of cell phones, and every time you call the cell phone provider, you have to start from the beginning and explain the entire situation to a new customer service representative!

This may happen the very same week your e-mail gets hacked and your children get sick. Hypothetically speaking, of course.

And then you question yourself for losing your balance. Because you started out strong and steady. You had your day, your week, your life well-planned, with lots of flexibility built in.

Photo Credit

I’m sensing a shift in my life: A shift away from spending every kid-less minute behind a computer screen creating blog posts. A shift toward more face-to-face ministry. Recently, I’ve developed some new friendships that are evolving into mentoring opportunities for me. In the upcoming year, I have more speaking and teaching opportunities. Lately, I’m sensing that because of the amount of time I spend in isolation behind the wheel of my car and behind the screen of a computer, I am depleted in the area of life-giving female friendships. On top of all of that, I’m sadly counting down the months (9 ½) before my baby starts full-day kindergarten—a reality that's causing me to pause. To set aside every non-essential activity, in order to cherish every second with my sweet Elliana before this season ends.

None of these face-to-face/relational/speaking/teaching/mentoring things will magically appear on my schedule. I won’t be able to add ten new things to my week and still write the same number of blog posts. Not without a fight, anyway. Not without shifting, grunting, holding, shifting, flexing, grunting and adjusting to stay-put without tumbling over.

For me, this is when knowing God and seeking His voice becomes vital. Once again, I will have to look at everything on my plate and see what I can let go and what I can set aside temporarily. I will have to examine how much time I waste on things that won’t matter next week, let alone, in eternity. I will have to ask myself again, “What will I prayerfully neglect for the sake of balance?”

Balance is harder than it looks. The real strength and flexibility comes in maintaining the balance while I gracefully shift from one posture to the next.

Related Posts:

How To Measure Balance
Finding Time For Blogging
My Stuff Won't Last Forever

Fitness Friday: SAM-e for Depression

2011-11-11T08:00:00.000-05:00

Depression is sneaky. What begins as an “off-day,” turns into an “off-week”...then an “off-two weeks” with a decent day sprinkled in there. You wake up feeling sad and overwhelmed, feel better by noon and then—no, wait—you’re feeling “off” again.

Was it because of lack of sleep? Too much sugar? Not enough prayer? A fight with your spouse? That time of the month? Are you not sleeping and fighting with your spouse BECAUSE you’re depressed? Or is depression causing the lack of sleep and fighting?

You tweak your diet. You go to bed earlier. You light your favorite scented candle. You schedule a date night. You feel better.

Or do you?

It’s difficult to know when it’s time to get professional help.

I have been very open on this blog about my struggle with clinical depression—a struggle I’ve had on and off since about 2001. The more I learn about depression and seek to understand my personal cycles and triggers, I would now have to say, I’ve struggled with cycles of depression most of my life.

I didn’t really know it was depression until just a few years ago. I thought I was just really, really crabby, because depression starts out feeling so much like normal crabby (lack of sleep, lack of prayer, too much sugar, fight with a spouse, etc…) For me, the wake-up call came when, try-as-I-might, I couldn’t dig out of the crabby cycle. And things spiraled downward very quickly.

I have taken antidepressants (Lexapro) and seen a professional therapist. And though, I gained some unwanted weight on those antidepressants, I do not regret that decision AT ALL. In fact, I thank God for allowing me to live in an era where antidepressants and godly men with degrees in Psychology exist. The combination of Lexapro and professional counseling probably saved my life.

My only regret (regret is a strong word) is that I did not seek out natural, over-the-counter remedies before I tried prescription meds. Because I didn’t know I was dealing with clinical depression (I was not only depressed, but also a little dense and prideful), I waited until the last possible minute to seek professional help. I was in a desperately dark place and I was barely functioning. I did not have the luxury of time or the clarity of thought to browse the shelves at GNC for a natural alternative.

Now, I do. So I am. And that’s what I’m talking about today.

How I Felt the months of August and September:

Very weepy, over too many things.

Easily irritated, especially with my kids.

Very tired between the hours of 1 and 4 pm—needing a nap daily, but feeling even worse when I woke up.

Beginning to feel like I my efforts in writing, parenting and marriage were useless.

Waking up with a feeling of disinterest (on my better days) and dread (on my worst days).

If it all would have come on suddenly, I would have recognized it immediately and run to get help. But like I said, depression is sneaky. This happened slowly over weeks, with some really nice days sprinkled in between. Sometimes a little tweak here or there is all I need to lift a rotten mood. I dug deeply into my little bag of tricks trying to get over the hump.

But when I noticed a pattern of journal entries that read “Lord, help me.”

And “Something has to give.”

And “What am I doing wrong?”

And “I haven’t felt this sluggish and weepy in a very long time.”

And “I was looking so forward to this weekend, and now I’m just bummed and tired and worn out and apathetic.”

I could feel myself sinking into depression, and that scared the snot out of me—the most frightening thing being that all of this was happening during our mild and sunny autumn weather, long BEFORE the dark and dreary Kentucky winter (which is enough to make anyone sad). I knew I was at the point where I needed some help managing my depression.

Enter: SAM-e

What is SAM-e?

According to the official SAM-e website: SAM-e is a naturally occurring compound that is found in all living things. It’s distributed throughout the human body and it contributes to maintaining mood levels. SAM-e levels tend to decline as people get older and certain groups of people, including those with low mood, tend to have lower levels of SAM-e in their bodies.

What are the benefits of SAM-e?

Allegedly, SAM-e can improve mood, reduce anxiety and improve joint discomfort, in as little as 7-14 days.

According to WebMD, “Several studies have shown that SAMe can be beneficial and might be as effective as some prescription medications used for depression.”

Yee haw!

In fact, the research available on SAM-e is all very promising.

How Did SAM-e affect me?

I started taking the lowest recommended dose of SAM-e (200 mg, twice a day). Because of the 7-14 day thing, I was not expecting anything whatsoever to happen for at least a week. However, I noticed on Day 2 a very mild “medicine head” feeling—very similar to when I started on Lexapro, but much more mild.

After a few days, I noticed a slight improvement in my over-all mood, but not enough to be satisfied with the results. After 2 weeks, I doubled my dosage to 400 mg, twice a day.

Within a few days of that change, I noticed a gradual and continual improvement in mood and energy. In fact, I would say in the last three weeks, I have felt happier and more energetic than I have in months.*

*Disclaimer: I don’t know if I can attribute all of this to the SAM-e. In this same time period, I’ve also switched up my workout routine and made some adjustments in my diet. It is my belief that all of those things working together helped to improve my mood and energy.

What are the side effects of SAM-e?

According to the SAM-e website: “Generally speaking, there are no documented side effects of SAM-e.”

According to WebMD: “SAMe is LIKELY SAFE for most people. It can sometimes cause gas, vomiting, diarrhea, constipation, dry mouth, headache, mild insomnia, anorexia, sweating, dizziness, and nervousness, especially at higher doses. It can make some people with depression feel anxious.”

I spent hours researching SAM-e before taking the first dose. In reading hundreds of independent reviews, I found a large number of people who experienced stomach upset/cramping while taking the supplement. This side effect appears to be reduced or eliminated by also taking a vitamin B12 supplement while taking SAM-e, which I do.

Other than that mild “medicine head” feeling on Day 2, I have not had any negative side effects.

Where can You Purchase SAM-e?

I found SAM-e at Costco and Target. I’m sure it is available at many other retailers, but anything I can find at Costco or Target makes me happy. It’s pricey, though. It was about $28 for 36 tablets (an 18-day supply). But that’s still less than I paid for my prescription co-pay for Lexapro.

Would I Recommend SAM-e for Depression?

I am not a doctor—just a girl who wants to keep her depression at bay, preferably without the aid of prescription antidepressants. If you are having suicidal thoughts or cannot carry out your daily duties, I would NOT recommend SAM-e. Please, make an appointment with your doctor, like today.

That said, I am cautiously optimistic about the effectiveness of SAM-e for treating mild to moderate depression, and would recommend it to anyone currently struggling. SAM-e is a very potent supplement, so I would urge you to do your homework before you begin taking it.

Also, and probably more importantly, I would urge you to make other adjustments in your lifestyle—healthy diet, exercise, sufficient rest, fresh air, exposure to sunlight, supportive relationships, and active communication with God—while you explore any supplements or medications for depression.

If you are doing all those things and you still feel depression creeping in, I think SAM-e is definitely worth a try.

What Have You Learned About God Through Your Suffering?

2011-11-09T06:00:00.000-05:00

The other day, my friend Missy asked me that question.

For those of you who may be new to this blog, in 1998, my firstborn son, Noah, died suddenly at the age of 9 months. That’s not the only suffering I’ve encountered in life, but it was by far the worst, most shocking, most devastating suffering thus far. There is no way you can experience a tragic loss without it transforming your view of God. No matter who you are—devout Christian, nominal Christian, Buddhist, Atheist. It doesn’t matter. If you suffer loss in this life, it will alter your view of God, one way or another.

She knew that. That’s why she asked me.

So, here’s what I told her:

Honestly, Missy, this is such a HUGE question, I think I could write a book. Literally, a book. Maybe I will, someday.

I have a “Before Noah’s Death Sandy” and an “After Noah’s Death Sandy.” For me, everything changed when I buried my baby—and it continues to evolve and affect everything I believe about God. Still. Today, even.

But here are three things that immediately come to mind:

1. God is not who I thought He was. Right after Noah died, it was almost as if I stepped back in shock and looked at God and said, “Who ARE you, anyway?” I guess I thought that I had more control over God and what He did—you know, through prayer and living an obedient life. I didn’t realize this at the time, but I always approached God sort of like a bank. That if I keep making “good deposits” I could go and make a withdrawal (in the form of answered prayer,) whenever I needed it. Since I didn’t ask God for much up until that point, I felt like He owed me a lot—namely, my son’s healing. Turns out, He owes me nothing. I don’t try to make good deposits any more. It doesn’t work.

2. God is not threatened by my questions, my doubt or my anger. He is very secure in His deity. A lot of people are fearful to let loose on God when they are suffering and they don’t understand the origin or the reason for their suffering. They are afraid God will distance Himself or abandon them altogether. I was shocked to find out that when I unloaded on God all my rage and snot and tears and accusations, He not only embraced me, but held me closer than He ever had in my life. It was almost as if I could sense Him saying, “I know you feel this way. Let’s walk through this together. Say whatever you need to say. I love you no matter what.” I don’t know how to explain it, but I sensed Him holding me closer and crying with me—even though I was screaming at HIM! The intimacy-level between me and God skyrocketed after Noah’s death. I would have expected the opposite to happen.

3. God is sovereign. He alone decides who lives and who dies and who ends up with what disease, who gets healed or not. I know prayer plays a part, but honestly, I’m still trying to figure out what part that plays. Especially with physical healing. I don’t get it and I don’t TRY to get it. Whenever I pray for someone, I have to qualify it with, “Lord I believe, please help my unbelief.” This is an on-going issue with me, but I know God is okay with it. I just try to stay close to Him and know He will continue to perfect me until I see Him.

Q4U: That's my list. What has God taught YOU through suffering?

Related Posts:

God Speaks Through the Storm (a 16-part series about hearing God's voice in the midst of devastating life-storms)

Can God Trust You With the Silence?

5 Myths of Adoption

2011-11-07T06:00:00.075-05:00

Yesterday was Orphan Sunday, and my pastor was kind enough to ask me and Jon to share a bit about our adoption experience. But rather than just tell our story, we wanted to encourage others to adopt. If you were there and heard our little schpeel (is that a real word?), you are dismissed from this blog post. If not, here is what we said:

Nearly 81.5 million Americans have considered adopting a child. Maybe you're one of them. Yet, each year only an average of 125,00 children are adopted to American families.

Why the discrepancy?

We believe it’s partly due to the fact that there are a lot of adoption myths out there: people believe certain things about adoption that are inaccurate or simply not true. We understand the confusion, because we have walked that road: We are adoptive parents.

We have four children, 2 of them biological and 2 adopted. Our first son, Noah, passed away in 1998 at the age of 9 months. We also have a 12-year-old biological daughter, Rebekah, a 10-year-old domestically adopted son, Elijah, and an almost 5-year-old internationally adopted daughter, Elliana.

And we are here to cut through the confusion and help clarify the

Top Five Adoption Myths:

Myth #1: Adoption is outrageously expensive and out of reach for most families

Reality: First of all, remember that it costs money to have a biological child, too: Anywhere from $9,000 to $15,000 for an uncomplicated delivery. And that doesn’t count the cost of prenatal care, prenatal vitamins or birthing classes.

The cost of adoption varies greatly, depending upon the type of adoption and child you choose. The most expensive routes are usually international, because it involves travel, and domestic agency adoptions.

Generally, the more flexible you are, the less expensive it becomes. For example, a lot of people don’t realize that adoption through the state of Kentucky (and all states!) is free—and that the state reimburses you for the child’s medical expenses.

But even if you choose a more expensive route, there is financial help to offset the cost of adoption.

1. The Federal Adoption Tax credit. Currently, you will be reimbursed up to $13,170 from the federal government, once your adoption is finalized.

2. There are hundreds of grants available to families who qualify. I have a list of some of those, for anyone who is interested.

3. Many employers have adoption benefits.

4. If you are in the Military, there are adoption benefits available to you, too.

5. And there are also numerous creative ways to raise funds for your adoption--everything from garage sales to silent auctions to creative fund-raisers. I read of a couple who decided to run a marathon together and get sponsors…they raised $20,000! All kinds of people have a heart for adoption, but are not in a position to adopt a child themselves. They are looking for places to sow their finances.

Myth #2: A biological parent can come to take an adopted child back.

Reality: Cases of birth parents obtaining custody after adoption are extremely rare and are exaggerated by the media. Yet, this is a fear for about 2/3 of the people considering adoption.

Because of very strong adoption laws, biological parents have no way to gain back custody of the child or children once their parental rights are terminated. In international adoption, these cases are practically unheard of. Namely, because parental rights are usually terminated before a child becomes eligible for adoption.

In the state of Kentucky, consent papers can signed immediately after birth and can be filed 72 hours later. Parental rights are terminated 20 days after the consent papers are filed. Again, once parental rights are terminated, the birth parents cannot come back—they are irrevocable. In Kentucky, that would mean as soon as 23 days after the birth of the baby. These waiting periods vary from state to state.

Myth #3: An adoptive parent cannot love a child as much as he or she will love a biological child.

Reality: Love is not based on biology. Many loving relationships are between individuals who are not related to each other, such as husbands and wives. This was a very real fear for Jon when we adopted Elijah. Things changed for him after he sought counsel with his own father--also an adoptive parent (Jon's sister is adopted). When Jon said he didn't know how he could love an adopted boy like his own son, Jon's dad wisely said, "Well, you better figure it out, because you are the only father he will have." Once that reality hit Jon--that he was Elijah's father--the love flowed naturally from that.

Ten years and two adopted kids later, we can both say without reservation the love we have for our biological kids vs. our adopted kids is no different.

Myth #4: You have to be perfect to pass the home study.

Reality: If that were true, we would not be adoptive parents. No one would.

Yes, it is true that the home study process is very rigorous and time-consuming. But unless you have a criminal background or you are homeless or jobless or have an illness that precludes you from carrying out your parental duties, a social worker will not reject you. It won't matter if there are dishes in the sink or if your walls need to be painted. Social workers want to find loving, stable homes for adoptable children…not perfect ones.

Myth #5: It’s too risky to adopt because so much can go wrong during the process.

Reality: Certainly, there could be roadblocks. When we adopted Elliana, the entire Guatemalan adoption program shut down, just days before we were scheduled to get her. We had to call our State Senators and get foreign embassies involved. But with Elijah’s adoption, there were no glitches whatsoever. It was very smooth. I was in the hospital room when he was born and took him home the next day.

Statistics show that approximately 29% of adoptive parents experienced what they call a “false start.” Meaning, they started down a road to adopt a certain child, and that adoption fell through for one reason or another.

Compare that to this statistic: Sources vary, but many estimate that approximately 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage; and some estimates are as high as 1 in 3. If you include loss that occurs before a positive pregnancy test, some estimate that 40% of all conceptions result in loss. So, it could actually be argued that adoption is less risky than pregnancy!

Clearly, we love adoption and want to help in any way we can. Please don't make such an important decision based on fear or myths. Do your homework. If you have any questions, concerns, need support or you just want prayer, we are always available to discuss adoption with you. Just leave a comment or send a private e-mail (click on "contact" tab at top of blog for my e-mail.)

Related Posts: I have written a series on adoption where I discuss all of these myths in greater detail. Click the "adoption" tab at the top of the blog or click here.

Fitness Friday

2011-11-04T06:00:00.015-04:00

Look what I just ordered.

I will tell you all about it, once I begin this craziness in January. Until then, I'm lying on the couch watching Modern Family, eating pumpkin bread. Just kidding (ish).

(This post contains a video. If you receive this by e-mail, you may need to go to the actual blog to view it.)

Related Posts: Books and Programs I Recommend
P90X: My Official Assessment

October in Review

2011-11-01T12:30:00.003-04:00

I have absolutely nothing to say and a hundred things to tell you, all at the same time.With an intro like that, why would you EVER cancel your subscription to my blog? Seriously.

First off, my e-mail got hacked last week. Apparently, I (or the hackers) sent out the following e-mail entitled

"Hey! I finally found this opportunity!"

It read:

hi there!

I refused to continue depending on other people this was my ticket to a free ride now I vacation four times a year you would excell at this

(insert link to something about becoming a music critic, though I wasn't so stupid to click on the spammy link)

Those who know me well recognize this e-mail could NOT be from me because
1. I do not vacation 4 times a year
and
2. My run-on sentences are always longer than that.

This happened just as I was about to go to bed at around 10:30 pm. So, instead of going to bed, I was forced to go into all my accounts and change all my passwords--which took for-stinking-EVER because the hackers were in there hacking away and making my computer S L O W.

The good news is, the hacking has ceased. The bad news is

1. I didn't get to bed until after 1 am (I get up at 5:30). I don't do well on 4.5 hours sleep.
2. Since I changed my passwords, I can no longer access Microsoft Outlook.
3. Since I changed my passwords, I can no longer receive e-mails on my very expensive HTC Inspire.
4. I now want to become a music critic so I can vacation 4 times a year.

I've already spent hours on my computer trying to figure out the solutions to these things. I really need to hire a techy-type dude to come to my house and fix all my gadgets. If that is you, please inquire. I also need someone to repair a light fixture in my basement and babysit next Friday.
Thank you.

This year, Jon and I celebrated 18 years of marriage--16 years of happy marriage. (Two of those years were terrible--but we made it, and I'm thankful. And so is Jon). For the last several of those happy years, we have taken an annual trip away from the kids--which I promise you, has everything to do with the fact that the last several years have been among the "happy" and not the "terrible."

This year, we headed to Indianapolis--a very cool city, if you ever get the chance to go. Here is the only picture of us together from that weekend, compliments of one of the many outstanding restaurants we went to while we were there. And honey, I'm not exaggerating one bit when I tell you I had some of the best food I have ever had in my life in Indianapolis. And I'm somewhat of a food snob. So that's sayin' somethin'.

My brother, Gary and his wife, Monica, came to visit us a few weeks ago. This is significant because in the 15 years since I moved away from my hometown, Monica has NEVER been to my house. Gary? Only once, back in 1997. It is also significant because Gary and Monica are 2 of my all-time favorite people in the world. We, seriously, could talk all day. And we did. For about 10 hours straight.

Gary was very instrumental in leading me to a deep relationship with the Lord in high school. And both Gary and Monica helped disciple me as a young Christian. They are smart and witty and love Jesus and eat organic food...my kind of people.

A little family trivia: I am one of 7 children--Gary is number 2 and I am number 7.

And please excuse the squinty eyes and harsh facial shadows on this picture--it was very sunny that day.

Another piece of family trivia: Gary and Monica's three boys (men!) who are insanely talented musicians, just released an album! Here is the video of the first single "Beautiful Universe."

That's Nathan in lead vocals/guitar, Joel on drums and Daniel on keys.

I have no idea who that other dude is.

(If you receive this by e-mail, you will need to click over to the blog to view this you tube video)

We took our kids to the pumpkin patch/apple orchard this past weekend. We only do this once a year, which is a shame, because it's so fun. When we got there, I had one of those "mom moments" where I was painfully aware of how quickly time is passing with my kids. I could hardly believe it had been a full year since our last visit--it seems like it was just a few weeks ago.

Sigh...

We chose a bunch of funky gourds for a centerpiece.
(just in time to put out my Christmas decorations)

And in the event I ever start my own garage band, "The Funky Gourds" would be a great name.

This is one girl who is very content to be held by her Daddy...

We picked our own apples. Yesterday, I made some homemade apple sauce...

We fed the animals genetically modified corn.

I know, and it's not even Fitness Friday.

Sorry...it is no picnic living in my brain, trust me.

The whole time I was with this sweet calf, I told her that God made her to eat grass, not corn.

Anyway, here is my daughter, who prefers animals to humans. Especially when her mother goes off on public rants about corn-fed cattle.

These girls take my breath away.

And then we carved the pumpkins we bought from the pumpkin patch and set them out for trick or treaters on Halloween. Am I allowed to say Halloween here?

I know this is a controversial topic among Christians. I get that. But as my very wise pastor used to say regarding controversial topics, "Let's not allow this to divide us."

Yes, my kids dress up for Halloween and trick or treat in our neighborhood. And this year, we were the most awesomest house in the whole area, because we handed out FULL SIZED CANDY BARS!

You would have thought we were handing out $100 bills, what with all the "oooo's and ahhhhhh's".

Never mind that you can get a full-sized Reeces at any grocery store check out.

Is it feaking you out that it says "God Speaks Today" on the very same picture with a carved pumpkin? Did you know there is genetically modified soy in a Recees Peanut Butter Cup? And in a Hershey's chocolate bar? If you had a garage band, what would the name be?

See? I told you, absolutely nothing and a hundred things, all at the same time.

Fitness Friday: I Officially Change My Stance on Soy

2011-10-28T08:00:00.001-04:00

This is a repost from my fitness blog, which originally ran March 17, 2011. I have had a sick boy at home for the last 3 days, and consequently, have done no cleaning, no exercise and no writing. Thank God I have some old posts to recycle for such a time as this.

Now, if I could just recycle a cleaner version of my house and perhaps a more fit version of my body...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fitness Friday Girl is about to make a major retraction. I once was an avid eater and recommender of soy products. Especially imitation meat and dairy (soy hot dogs, soy chicken patties, soy meat crumbles, soy yogurt, soy cheese), since I’m an “almost vegetarian,” and all. I’ve recommended those products to you in numerous Fitness Friday posts. I’ve fed these products to my children, as recently as Saturday.

But over the last year or so, it seems I just keep coming across article after article discussing the health risks of eating soy. I mostly took the warnings with a grain of salt, knowing that controversy surrounds the eating of most foods. It's all quite confusing for the average person to know what to eat in America, don't you think?

But yesterday, I received this article by Physician, Surgeon and author of the #1 most visited health site on the internet, Dr. Joseph Mercola. And it was the straw that broke the camel's back. I'm no longer eating soy. I'm no longer recommending soy. I am officially Anti-Soy.

If you eat any processed foods at all (even things like protein shakes, nutrition bars, frozen burritos and snack crackers) you are consuming soy and probably need to read the entire article. If you feed your baby soy formula or, if like me, you’ve used soy products as a meat substitute, you are totally eating soy and you should definitely read the entire article.

I know most of you won’t do that, because you are busy and you only have enough time to read MY blog, which is totally cool. So I, Fitness Friday Girl, will summarize the high points for you. Because that's my job. It's what I do. You're welcome.

• Fermented soy products, such as natto, tempeh and soy sauce are not the bad guys. Asian people have been consuming these products for centuries with no ill health effects. Unfermented soy is the type of soy used in most American foods. And this is the one you should avoid.

• Soy is big business. From 1992 to 2006, soy food sales increased from $300 million to $4 BILLION, due to a massively wild and successful campaign by the soy industry to promote soy as a health food.

• From the years 2001 to 2007, 2,700 new soy-based products were introduced to the food supply.

• 85% of consumers perceive soy products as healthful.

• 91% of the soy grown and used in the world is genetically modified soy (GMO). The genetic modification is done to impart resistance to the toxic herbicide Roundup. While this is meant to increase farming efficiency and provide you with less expensive soy, the downside is that your soy is loaded with this toxic pesticide. The plants also contain genes from bacteria that produce a protein that has never been part of the human food supply. Nice.

• 80% of the soy grown in the world is used as feed for animals in conventional farms (yet, another reason to eat organic meat).

• Soy has been linked to the following health problems:

Breast cancer
Brain damage
Infant abnormalities
Thyroid disorders
Kidney stones
Immune system impairment
Severe, potentially fatal food allergies
Impaired fertility
Danger during pregnancy and nursing

• Genetically modified soy has been linked to an increase in allergies. Disturbingly, the only published human feeding study on GM foods ever conducted verified that the gene inserted into GM soy transfers into the DNA of our gut bacteria and continues to function. This means that years after you stop eating GM soy, you may still have a potentially allergenic protein continuously being produced in your intestines.

• Soy infant formula puts your baby’s health at risk by feeding your baby 20,000 times the amount of estrogen than in other formulas or in human breast milk.

• Again, not all soy is bad for you. Organically grown and properly fermented soy has many health benefits. Here is a list of HEALTHFUL SOY PRODUCTS:

1. Tempeh a fermented soybean cake with a firm texture and nutty, mushroom-like flavor.

2. Miso, a fermented soybean paste with a salty, buttery texture (commonly used in miso soup).

3. Natto, fermented soybeans with a sticky texture and strong, cheese-like flavor.

Soy sauce, which is traditionally made by fermenting soybeans, salt and enzymes; be wary because many varieties on the market today are made artificially using a chemical process.

• Soy foods to AVOID include:

1. Tofu

2. TVP (texturized vegetable protein) or soy protein isolate, which contains a large amount of msg, which you should definitely not consume

3. Soybean oil

4. Soymilk

5. Soy cheese, soy ice cream, soy yogurt

6. Soy “meat” (meatless products made of TVP)

7. Soy protein

8. Edamame

9. Soy infant formula

The best way to eliminate non-fermented soy from your diet is to avoid all processed foods and instead purchase whole foods that you prepare yourself.

If you do buy packaged foods, you can check the label to see if it contains soy. The Food Allergen Labeling and Consumer Protection Act, which took effect in January 2006, requires that food manufacturers list soy on the label, because it’s one of the top eight food allergens.So, even if soy is hidden in colors, flavors, or spice blends added to foods, it must be clearly stated on the label.

If you do click over to this article, note at the end Dr. Mercola lists an additional 84 links (yes, I counted them) to articles discussing the various health risks of soy. Just in case you need more convincing.

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And this is the continuing journey of the health-concious individual. You make the best choices you can with the information you have. You read. You educate yourself with updated information. And sometimes you make a change.

Heck, I used to think the shell of the Taco Bell Taco Salad was "healthy." My husband once at an entire dozen of Entemann's Chocolate Covered Donuts, because he thought they were "fat free." And therefore, "healthy."

Q4U: food did you used to think was healthy and now realize it's not?

Today, I'm linking up with Your Green Resource on Sorta Crunchy
and with Fitness Friday on Life as I See it.
Two great blogs...go visit them.

I Tell You This Story at the Risk of Enduring an Onslaught of Blonde Jokes

2011-10-27T06:00:00.023-04:00

Last Christmas, my kids bought me a hot-pink blow dryer, after my old blow dryer died. I love everything about my hot-pink blow dryer. I love that my kids picked it out and they chose hot pink. I love that it matches my hot pink flat iron. And I love that it dries my hair quickly. Like I said…everything.

Except for one thing: The cord is ridiculously short. I’m not kidding.

My electrical outlet is on the side of my vanity, about hip-height. Which means, for the last year, I have been blow-drying my hair in a slightly crouched position. Not for a year straight—I do take breaks from blow-drying my hair to feed my kids and vacuum. And it’s not the entire blow-drying time. It’s mostly when I’m drying the left side of my head.

Anyway, last Sunday, as I was crouched next to my vanity once again, blow-drying the left side of my head with my hot pink blow dryer, I finally admitted to my husband that I was sick of the short cord. All the crouching and subsequent back pain was not worth it. I either need to start using an extension cord (which I remember hearing years ago is bad for some reason?) or I need to hurt my children's feelings and go buy a new one.

“Doesn’t it have a retractable cord?” Jon asked.

Huh?

I gave it a yank, and suddenly the cord grew another 8 inches, give or take.

Why yes.
Yes, it does.
Have a retractable cord.
Right there’s the button that says “Press to Retract."

Never mind.

A Lot of Sowing. And Sowing. And Sowing.

2011-10-25T12:00:00.002-04:00

“As long as the earth endures,

seedtime and harvest,

cold and heat,

summer and winter,

day and night

will never cease.”

Genesis 8:22

Photo Credit

I chose Rich Mullins because he was an amazing Christian artist with the best of intentions for others. The profits from his tours and the sale of each album went to his church, which divided it up, paid Mullins the average salary in the U.S. for that year, and gave the rest to charity. As a result, Rich lived close to poverty even though he was one of Christian music’s top artists.His faith is demonstrated in a quote that he said during one of his concerts shortly before he died. He stated that:

“Jesus said whatever you do to the least of these my brothers you’ve done it to me. And this is what I’ve come to think. That if I want to identify fully with Jesus Christ, who I claim to be my Savior and Lord, the best way that I can do that is to identify with the poor. This I know will go against the teachings of all the popular evangelical preachers. But they’re just wrong. They’re not bad, they’re just wrong. Christianity is not about building an absolutely secure little niche in the world where you can live with your perfect little wife and your perfect little children in a beautiful little house where you have no gays or minority groups anywhere near you. Christianity is about learning to love like Jesus loved and Jesus loved the poor and Jesus loved the broken.”

And let us not grow weary while doing good,

for in due season we shall reap

if we do not lose heart.

Galatians 6:9

Fitness Friday: 9 Ways to Get Fat and Stay Fat

2011-10-21T06:00:00.079-04:00

1. Make excuses. Tell yourself things like, “I can’t.” “Healthy food is too expensive.” “I’m too busy to exercise.” “I don’t like vegetables.” “I can’t cook.” “My knee hurts.” “I’m too tired to wake up early.” “I’m too tired to stay up late.” “I’m too tired to walk at lunch.” “I’m too tired when I get home from work.” “I’m too tired to stop at the gym.” “The gym is not convenient for me.” “The gym is too expensive” “My basement is too small.” “I hate Jillian Michaels.” “Running hurts my hip.” “It’s too hot outside.” “It’s too cold outside.” “Lifting weights makes me bulk up.” “Jillian Michaels hurts my hip, is too small, is too expensive and makes me bulk up.”

2. Sit. All day. Drive everywhere and spend lots of time scouring the parking lot for the absolute best parking space. Play Farmville and check your Facebook newsfeed often. And Twitter. And your blog list—including this blog. When you are finished, turn on the TV and watch it. For maximum impact, bring your laptop to the couch WHILE you watch TV. Stay up late watching TV with your laptop so in the morning, you can say with true conviction, “I am too tired to wake up early.”

3. Eat out. A lot. Allow chain restaurants to decide the quality of the ingredients in your food as well as the portion sizes on your plate. Don’t bother ever cooking at home. Besides, you are way too busy checking Facebook to be bothered with all that grocery shopping and cooking nonsense.

4. Ignore how you feel. After you fill up on a giant slice of cherry cheese coffee cake and a Super-Large-Venti-Colossal Pumpkin Spice Latte with extra whip, pretend you do not feel both lethargic and jittery--all at the same time. Tell yourself everyone feels gross after breakfast. And lunch. And dinner. Everyone has joint pain and digestion issues. Everyone hates exercise. If you ignore how you feel long enough, the bad feeling will go away or resolve itself, or whatever. Just like debt. And vehicle maintenance.

5. Drink soda. All day long. Tell yourself everyone has a vice and this one is yours. Could be worse—at least you’re not a meth addict or a serial killer. You know you need to drink water blah blah blah, but you don’t like water. And water is too expensive. No, wait. Never mind that last one. Soda has water in it, so how bad can it be, really?

6. Find a new diet that promises quick results and try it. The more extreme, the better. Stick with it for a few days, or even a few weeks. When you don’t see the promised results (because you won’t), quit. Go back to your old eating habits, only this time, tell yourself you deserve an extra helping of cherry cheese coffee cake, because, dang it, you just, like, TOTALLY deprived yourself during that stupid diet. Do this every few months. After about a year, conclude “I’ve tried everything and diets don’t work for me.” Add that to your list of excuses.

7. Don’t read updated health and fitness articles. Throw your hands up in the air in frustration and declare, “Even the experts disagree about what is good for me and what is bad for me. All the information is conflicting! Next thing you know, they’ll publish a study telling me vegetables are bad. I give up. I’m just going to eat what I want.” And then swing by McDonalds and grab yourself a Big Mac, fries and a large shake. Eat a hot apple pie for dessert (do they still sell those?). You deserve a break today—especially after that stupid diet you tried last month.

8. Get a few word tracks to say to your judgmental healthnut friends. Things like, “My Granny ate this way and lived to be 92. My Grand-Pappy ate this way and, bless his heart, that man STILL walks the mall and watches Judge Judy every single day.” “ I’ve been eating this way my whole life and I’m fine.” “I don’t want to deprive myself—I deserve to be happy—and I deserve a break. Today.” "Life's too short to be obsessed with diet and exercise." “This is just the way God made me.” "I don't feel led to focus on that right now in this season of life and ministry." Use the God-card often. No one can ever trump the God-card. Not even your healthnut friends.

9. Eat an abundance of foods with ingredient lists that look something like this:

Enriched wheat flour bleached (flour, malted barley flour, niacin, ferrous sulfate, thiamine mononitrate, riboflavin, folic acid), yellow corn flour, water, cherries, sugar, butter (pasteurized cream and salt), cream cheese (pasteurized milk & cream, cheese cultures, salt, carob bean gums), high fructose corn syrup, whole eggs, margarine (partially hydrogenated soybean and/or cottonseed oil, nonfat dry milk, water, salt, mono & diglycerides, soy lecithin, artificial flavor, beta carotene as color, vitamim A palmitate added ), yeast, food starch-modified, partially hydrogenated vegetable oil (soybean and/or cottonseed oil), almonds, invert sugar, corn syrup, nonfat dry milk, whey, salt, monoglycerides, natural and artificial flavor, leavening (sodium acid pyrophosphate, baking soda, corn starch, monocalcium phosphate), potassium sorbate and benzoic acid and sodium benzoate (as preservatives), calcium sulfate, sodium stearoyl lactylate, corn starch, dextrose, soy lecithin, ascorbic acid, canola oil, ammonium sulfate, honey, turmeric and titanium dioxide (as color), propylene glycol, citric acid, malic acid, spice, lactic acid, maltodextrin, glucono delta lactone, red 40, yellow 5, yellow 6, blue 1, cellulose gum, propionic acid, gellan gum, phosphoric acid, sodium citrate, xanthan and tragacanth gum, caramel color, glycerin.

When you do eat it, focus on the fact that it has "cherries" and "almonds" in it. Point that out to Miss Judgy Mc Judgington Healthnut Friend, while she eats actual cherries and almonds. And while you're at it, point out to her that her son has his face buried in a Cool Whip container.

Better yet, don’t bother flipping the package over to read the ingredients at all. Don't question why the ingredients are there in the first place, or even what they are. Ignorance is bliss, right?

(BTW, those are the ingredients of the Panera Bread Cherry Cheese Coffee Cake--I bet you thought you were choosing the healthy option when you stepped in to Panera.)

Q4U: Are you, like, TOTALLY mad at me now?

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Related Posts:
No Diets Allowed (easy habits you can implement into your day to get healthy)
Bang for Your Buck (the most effective exercises you can do when time is short)
Healthy Food on a Tight Budget (the title says it all)

Why I Will Never Disable My Blog Comments

2011-10-18T06:00:00.004-04:00

Some A-List bloggers do it. Every now and again, I see some smaller blogs do it, too. But it is something you will never see me do:

Disable my blog comments.

Sometimes, bloggers do it in an effort to free themselves from the pressure of measuring their blog-worthiness by the number of comments in a post. I get that. It’s disheartening to pour your heart into writing a post, only to see one comment. And the one comment is spam. Written in broken English. Linking to a Viagra website.

“The ideas you share are refreshing. I see how the structure going forward would challenge."
Getviagra.com

I’m sure with the larger blogs, it’s more of a time issue. The authors simply don’t have time to read through and respond to 200 comments a day, so they don’t want to deal with comments at all. I’d like to say I get that. But I’ve never had so many comments that I was all, “Oh my. I simply can’t keep up with all this feedback from my thousands of fans.” It’s probably a bit like excess wealth. People say it’s a bad thing, but most of us would love the opportunity to find out for ourselves just how bad life would be with millions of dollars, a mansion and a personal chef.

Perhaps with others, it just a simplification thing. Less clutter = more space for important things. I guess I get that. Except that I don’t. Because I think my readers rank among the “important things” in my life.

So, since you asked, here’s what I think about blog comments: The ability to interact with readers is what sets blogging apart from a static website or book publishing or traditional magazine publishing. For me, it’s what makes writing worthwhile and immediately gratifying.

Before blogging, I used to submit articles to magazines—real paper magazines. Remember those? Traditional magazine publishing was (and still is) a laborious process:

I would submit an article, usually about six months before it showed up in print. When it did finally publish, the magazine allegedly would be in the hands of thousands of readers. I knew only because my complimentary copy would show up in my mailbox. And that was it. That was the last I would hear about my article.

I never heard how anyone responded to the article, good or bad. If it provoked the readers to action, or changed their minds about something. Did it make them angry? Draw them closer to God or to their kids or to their husbands? I have no clue. I never knew what impact, if any, I made because of my writing. It was impersonal and distant. And not very fulfilling.

When I discovered blogging in 2008, the writing experience drastically changed for me. I was thrilled to see comments on my very first post. It was immediate and fulfilling. It made me want to write a second post. And then a third. And continue writing the next month. The next year.

For me, every time I read anything—a book, an article, a blog post, whatever—I have an internal response. Sometimes my response is not worth sharing, but sometimes it is. Sometimes I want to say, “Hey, I’ve been thinking all day about what you wrote. It really had an impact on me.” Or “I’m not so sure I agree with that, here’s what I think.” Or “Wow, I’ve never thought of it that way. Thanks for articulating this idea so well.” Or “We think so much alike” or “This made me cry” or “this made me laugh” or “this made me mad.” Sometimes, I just want to say “thanks—that was great!”

I love having the ability to respond AND have my response heard by the author.

If I remove the ability to comment from my blog, I remove my reader’s ability to respond—or at least the ability to communicate that response to me. And that’s unfortunate.

I feel like it says, “Here’s my opinion. I don’t care to hear yours.”

It’s very one-sided. And dare I say, a little selfish?

If you are one of the bloggers who has disabled his/her comments, I'm not hating on you. I'm just telling you how I feel when I read your blog. Which I would totally tell you in YOUR comment section. Except that I can't.

When I took my summer blog break, one of the things I missed the most was reading feedback from you (my readers) after publishing fresh material. As a wife and stay-at-home-mom, I don’t get much feedback from what I do. Well, let me rephrase that. I don’t get much POSITIVE feedback from what I do.

Mostly, I’m just plugging away, pouring my heart and soul into relationships, hoping and praying that someday I will see the payoff. My hospital executive-husband gets recognized for his efforts—by way of an annual review, a weekly paycheck, numerous promotions and professional accolades.

My children get rewarded for their efforts through allowances, verbal encouragement, grades at school, trophies for sporting events, and stickers on a behavior chart.

But me? I get a whole lotta “This isn’t FAIR! You are ruining my LIFE!”

There are no Mom Trophies. No Good Wife Sticker Charts. No Who’s Who of Laundry-Doers designations.

I’m not whining. I’m just saying that, every once in a while, when someone takes the time to say, “Thanks for this post…it was great,” it may not seem like a big deal to you, but it is to me. That short comment keeps me going. It lets me know someone's reading. It lets me know something I do during the day matters.

That maybe something I wrote impacted someone else for eternity. And that maybe I don’t have wait until eternity to find out about it.

So, if you have taken the time to read any of my posts (ever) and let me know how it affected you, I thank you, sincerely. It encourages me when the comments flow into my inbox, and it fuels me to write the next post. It’s never a burden to me.

For real.

And that is why I will never disable my blog comments.

Q4U:

How do you feel after you’ve read a compelling blog post and the author has disabled the comments? Have you ever disabled your comments? Why?

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Related Posts

Are On-Line Friends REAL Friends?

Finding Time For Blogging

Use Your Power for Good

And I Thought Creativity Was A GOOD Thing

2011-10-17T06:00:00.005-04:00

Even though I haven't worked in a cubicle since 1997, Dilbert still knows me.

9 Time-Saving Tips for Healthy Eating

2011-10-14T06:00:00.038-04:00

1. Plan your meals ahead of time. And I’m not talking about sitting down with a giant cook book and a calendar and filling in 21 gourmet meals plus snacks for the entire week. Personally that kind of detail throws me over the edge of sanity (not to be confused with the edge of glory—Lady Gaga). Simply, jot down a simple meal plan for dinners—that’s all I do. I promise, it saves you all kinds of time (thought time, shopping time and prep time). Because, from that simple meal plan, you will create your grocery list. Then, you will post the meal plan on the fridge for all to see—which, incidentally, also cuts down on kids asking, “Mom, what’s for dinner?” Oh...and FYI: One night a week we eat out and one night a week we have pizza. That makes only five meals a week I plan ahead of time. EASY!!

2. Make simple side-dishes. The easiest and healthiest thing you can do for your family is make a habit of serving fresh produce with every single meal and snack. Typical side dishes for us include fresh tossed salad, fresh fruit salad, a plate of freshly cut fruit and veggies (whatever I have on hand), and fruit smoothies. Every once in a while, I may steam some broccoli or asparagus. Sometimes I get really crazy and add some potatoes (baked, mashed or sweet). But I always make it a point to have fresh produce in my fridge. Whenever I serve a meal, some sort of fruit or veggie goes with it. If I’m out of produce, it’s time to go to the store.

3. Cook enough meat for two or three days at a time. We don’t eat meat daily, but when we do, we do for at least two days in a row. For example, on Sunday, I grilled a double batch of barbeque chicken so I could also use it for chicken-veggie wraps on Monday. When I roast whole chicken, I always roast two: one to eat the night of the roasting and the other to use the next night in a stir fry or a chicken salad. Then, I use the bones to make homemade soup stock for the third night (I double-portion this, too, and freeze half for next time—stretching the chicken to four total meals).

4. Use a crock pot. The crock pot is wonderous invention. You can throw endless combinations of meats and veggies into a crock pot and they almost always come out perfectly. For a year of ideas for these endless combinations, check out my friend Stephanie’s crock pot blog.

5. Use a bread maker. Also a wonderous invention. If you love bread but (a) don’t like all the crud that goes into store-bought bread (high-fructose corn syrup, refined flours, preservatives, hydrogenated oils) and (b) don’t have time to mix/knead/rise/knead/rise/bake, a bread maker is the way to go. I throw all my ingredients in there in the morning, set the timer, and bread is ready at dinnertime. It’s great for fresh warm cinnamon-raisin bread in the morning, too. Yum.

6. Make soup. Soup is an excellent way to work a ton of vegetables into your diet with little effort. And remember when I said I only plan dinners? That’s because I often eat homemade soup for lunch. I always make a double batch and enjoy it all week long.

7. Eat left-overs for lunch. Am I repeating myself? This doesn’t just work with soup, though. Make a little extra of any healthy dinner, and it tastes even better the next day. Except for fish. I refuse to eat fish the next day.

8. When making casseroles, make two and freeze one. You are already going to the trouble of assembling a casserole, might as well just double it, and have it for a future week when you are too busy to cook. My kids don’t love casseroles, so this is not a normal menu item for us, but we do love homemade lasagnas and stuffed pasta shells, which freeze beautifully.

9. Keep healthy breakfast foods on hand. I don’t stress about breakfasts-- at all. Instead, I rotate through a few faithful options, depending on my mood and my schedule. Here are my healthy breakfast staples:

eggs (any way you like ‘em)
fresh fruit
sprouted grain (Ezekiel) bread or homemade bread
oatmeal
peanut butter and almond butter
raw local honey
plain Greek yogurt
and (sometimes) homemade pancakes on the weekends.

I combine two or three of those items for a quick and healthy start to my day.

Eating healthy does not have to overwhelm you or throw you over any edges--sanity, glory or otherwise. With a little bit of planning, you can stock your fridge with delicious, healthy foods and whip them into simply nutritious meals in no time.

Q4U: Which one of these suggestions do you need to implement this week?

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I totally forgot to tell you that I'm linking up with Jill and her version of Fitness Friday!

Go check her out.

"Will You Let Your Children Meet Their Birthparents?"

2011-10-12T06:00:00.007-04:00

Answer: Yes.

If my children want to find and meet their birthparents, I will do what I can to make that happen. I realize there are risks involved—not so much with their physical safety, but more so with their emotional well-being. I know coming face-to-face with the mother and father who chose to give them away could have an enormous emotional impact on my kids.

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This is Part Thirteen of a series on Adoption called Everything I Want You to Know About Adoption. To see the links to each individual post in this series, click the "adoption" tab on the nav bar at the top of the blog, or click here.

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However, adoption is part of their history. They have biological parents—who are NOT me and Jon. That’s just a fact. I think they deserve to know whatever they want to know when they are mature enough to handle it.

In the case of Elijah’s birthparents, Elijah has expressed a desire (repeatedly) to meet them someday. I will fully support a future meeting with Elijah and his birthparents (probably as a teen or an adult), based on the history of our interactions in the last 10 years.

When we first met them, they were likeable individuals who were simply unable to raise a baby. Over the years, they have respected our privacy and never threatened our security in any way. If they had acted inappropriately at any point, perhaps I’d feel differently about a future meeting. We’ve been very fortunate, so far.

In Elliana’s case, we do plan to visit Guatemala again when she is older. I would love to see her foster mother again, if that is possible. I would love to meet her birth mother, too. In fact, I look forward to the day Elliana experiences all Guatemala is—both the beauty and the poverty. I think all of this will help her understand why her birthmother could not keep her and, perhaps, fill in some missing pieces of her story.

Question: Aren’t you scared the birthparents will want their children back or that your children will want to live with them?

Answer: No.

I settled in my heart at the outset of our adoption journey that I would refuse to be fearful about any of it, including all the “what-ifs” of birthparent contact. I made a very conscious decision to trust God to protect our family—and that includes protecting my children from being snatched or harmed by a deranged birthparent.

That said, part of trusting God for His protection is trusting in His ability to speak to my heart if my children are in danger. I believe that if my children were truly in danger because of certain steps we decided to take to expose them to anyone (including their birthparents), the Lord would prompt us to take another path.

And yes, I realize that sometimes very bad things happen to children. Even children of faithful Christians. Remember, I am the mother of a deceased child. I am not naive to the possibilities. To the contrary, I am choosing to walk in faith BECAUSE OF of the possibilities.

At the end of the day, this isn’t about me and my fears, anyway. It’s about my children and what is best for them. As they grow, mature and develop in character, Jon and I will be able to better discern what is best for them in terms of future contact. When they are adults, we will be in a great position to guide and assist them, should they need us to process the realities of their biological origin.

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Thank you, thank you, thank you...to everyone who commented either here or on Facebook, as well as those who sent me private e-mails with your adoption questions and stories. I have compiled a prayer list based on our contact, and I will continue to lift you up in prayer daily. If you know of anyone who would benefit from the information in this series, I would greatly appreciate if you would direct them here.

"Do You Keep in Touch With Your Children's Birthparents?"

2011-10-10T19:00:00.001-04:00

Answer: Sort of and no.

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This is Part twelve of a series on Adoption called Everything I Want You to Know About Adoption. To see the links to each individual post in this series, as well as all the Adoption FAQ's, click the "adoption" tab on the nav bar at the top of the blog, or click here.

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Elijah’s adoption was an “open adoption.” There are degrees of open adoption; ranging from only knowing first names to establishing lifelong personal relationships.

Elijah’s adoption was somewhere in the middle of that spectrum.

~We met Elijah’s birth mother and birth father (separately) prior to the birth.

~We knew the birth father’s name, but not his address.

~I went to the birthmother’s apartment to pick her up for a doctor’s appointment.

~We were in the hospital with the birthmother for Elijah’s birth.

~We were with the birth father a few days later when he signed his consent papers.

~We had no further contact with his birthparents until Elijah was 2 years old. At that point, we met his birthmother at the park and spent the afternoon with her (this was my idea).

Shortly after that last meeting, we moved from Florida (where both birthparents lived)to Kentucky. I let the birthmother know we were moving and made certain she had our e-mail address for future contact. For a few years, she kept in touch with me by sending “forward” e-mails. Normally, these e-mails drive me insane, but when I received them from Elijah’s birthmother, I felt like it was her way of saying, “Hi. I’m here and I’m okay.”

Two Christmases ago, she asked me to send her my mailing address, and I did. Since that time, I stopped receiving e-mails and instead receive an annual Christmas card through the mail. She has never requested pictures of Elijah or further contact.

I have not had any contact with Elijah’s birthfather since he signed Elijah’s consent papers.

With Elliana, I have only a few items identifying her birthmother: a photo, an original birth certificate and a document with some identifying information (age and occupation). No birthfather was listed on any of the paperwork. Because of the nature of Guatemala adoptions and the lack of information I have in my possession, I have never had any contact with Elliana’s birthparents.

Elliana spent the first year of her life in foster care. I met Elliana’s foster mother in the hotel when we took custody of Elliana. I have not had any contact with her since that time. Some adoptive parents of Guatemalan children choose to maintain a relationship with the foster family. Honestly, I intended to, but life got crazy after she came home (as in, I fell into a pit of major depression) and I never followed through with that intention. I wish I would have.

Question: "Do you recommend keeping in touch with birthparents?"

Answer: It depends.

As with everything adoption-related, laws vary from state to state and from country to country with regard to contact between birth parents and adoptive parents. In most cases, the parties involved will draw up some sort of agreement before they finalize the adoption. Even though these agreements are helpful, they are not binding and can be changed at any time. The adoptive parents retain all parental rights and therefore, have the final say on the level of contact of their minor children and their biological parents.

Even if you have a “closed adoption” (no knowledge of the identity of the biological family) some agencies and states have a “mutual consent registry.” By filing your information with the registry, you are agreeing to let the registry release your information in the event the birth parents seek contact with you in the future, and vise versa.

I can definitely see the benefits of keeping some sort of contact. For the birthparents, it helps deal with the loss of placing their child for adoption and gives them hope that the adopted child is loved and well cared-for. For the adoptive family, it provides a biological/genetic bond to the child’s family. For both, it celebrates connection, heritage and family history. At the very least, it is helpful to have identifying information, should the adopted child wish to meet the birthparents later in life (some do, some don’t.)

That said, I think every situation is unique and should be considered on its own merits. Sometimes it’s impossible to know the identity of the birthparents (if a child was abandoned at birth, for example) or the birthparents are deceased. Obviously, you cannot establish a relationship with the birthparents under these circumstances, but you could possibly establish one with the extended biological family.

Sometimes the birthparents are in jail or hospitalized. Sometimes they are drug addicts, alcoholics or abusive. And sometimes birthparents do not wish to be found. In these cases, I would not recommend seeking contact with the birthparents.

But, again, each case is unique. I don’t think this is a decision you can make one time and be done with it. People change. Circumstances evolve. Sometimes even an agreement you felt very sure about needs to be tweaked or reversed. Like all things in parenting, you will probably need to revisit this issue over and over again as your adopted children grow.

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Coming Wednesday: I will be concluding my series on adoption (for now) with these two FAQ's

"Will you let your children meet their birthparents?"

and

"Are you scared?"

Fitness Friday: What is "Whole Food"?

2011-10-06T11:15:00.000-04:00

This may look familiar to about seven of you. The seven of you who read this post in May when I did my series called 31 Days to Health, Wellness and Bathing Suit Season on my fitness blog. For the rest of you, pretend I am not sitting in a coffee shop staring a blank computer screen with a pounding headache and a stuffy nose (yes, I'm sick) trying to muster up inspiration for something...anything...to write. Pretend this post is fresh material, written today. And I will pretend the same.

Oh, and pretend this is Friday, not Thursday. And pretend I wrote 3 posts this week, not 2. Thank you.

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I think the general public is very confused about “processed food” vs.“whole food.” And I don't blame them. The processed food people do a slick job of marketing their products, trying to convince us their laboratory concoctions are actually healthy.

“Made from REAL fruit.”

“All natural.”

“No Trans Fat!”

"Gluten Free"

"No Artificial Sweeteners"

What does it all mean? No one knows, really, so don’t knock yourself out trying to figure it out. Instead, I think it's easier to identify "whole foods" and go from there.

How Do I Know if Something is a Whole Food?

1. If the food came from the ground or has a mother, it’s a whole food.

2. A whole food has nothing added to it or taken from it. It is in its simplest form, the way God created it to be.

3. In a grocery store, you find most whole foods on the perimeter of the store.

4. When you look at the ingredients, there is only one.

5. When you look at the food, it should look like the food in question. (an apple should look like an apple--not an Apple Jack, a tomato should look like a tomato--not catsup, etc)

6. The more ingredients you see, generally, the more processing has taken place.

7. If the ingredients list contains any chemicals, preservatives, artificial coloring or flavoring, it is absolutely not a whole food.

8. Many whole foods have limited or no packaging (think produce and meat).

9. Most whole foods can be purchased from a farmer’s market.

And Here is Where I Confuse You

1. Not all processing is bad. For example, cheese, butter and plain Greek yogurt are minimally processed, but they are all foods that you could safely work into a healthy diet. Unless it’s Velveeta or spray cheese in a can. Read labels to see what other ingredients are there...spray cheese is totally gross! (how old am I, 15?)

2. You can't always look at the number of ingredients. Salsa may contain several ingredients, but if it’s a fresh salsa, it should contain only a variety of chopped up vegetables and herbs: All healthy, whole foods, just chopped up and mixed together.

3. Not all whole foods are in the perimeter of the grocery store. You can also find many whole foods (fruits, veggies, meat and fish) in the frozen food section--right there next to the Eggo Waffles and Pizza Pockets. You will find nuts (a whole food) in the snack aisle, right next to the Pringles.

4. There are degrees of processing. And this is where it gets even more complicated. To help you understand this concept and make the healthiest choices possible, I’ve compiled a little list of foods at various stages of processing.

Whole vs. Minimally Processed vs. Processed

Apple=whole food

Apple Sauce=minimally processed food

Apple Pop Tart=processed food

Blueberry=whole food

Blueberry Jam=processed food

Blueberry Flavored Gummy Treats=highly processed food

Brown Rice: whole food

White Rice: processed food

Rice Crispy Treat: highly processed food

Corn: whole food

Organic Corn Tortilla: minimally processed food

Fritos: highly processed food

Oats: whole food

Nature Valley Granola Bars: processed food

Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pie: highly processed food

Wheat: whole food

Sprouted Grain Wheat Bread: minimally processed food

Wonder White Bread: processed food

If you stick around Fitness Friday I will always bring you great information on how to work whole foods into your diet so you can reach your health and fitness goals. Because, no matter what your health or fitness goal, a diet rich in whole foods is an absolute necessity.

Unless, of course, your health and fitness goal is to be overweight and sick. Then, by all means, get crazy with the Little Debbie snacks. Also, totally gross.

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Today I'm linking up with Megan at Sorta Crunchy and her ongoing series, Your Green Resource.

Class Reunion, Wedding Anniversary and IKEA

2011-10-04T12:15:00.001-04:00

I’m supposed to be blogging about Adoption again today. However, I had a very full weekend involving various significant life events and, frankly, it’s difficult for me to transition mentally from Crazy-Significant-Life-Event-Weekend to Adoption.

So rather than force a post about something helpful and/or informational, I think it best to simply spill my guts about all the nonsense swirling around in my brain. I will try to wrap up my Adoption Series next time.

1. High School Reunion: I attended my 25th Year High School Reunion on Saturday. Which, as you know, means I graduated in 1986, when I was 7-years-old. I missed my 20th because I did not like my hair in 2006. For real. That’s why I didn’t go. But I happen to like my hair right now, so I thought I’d throw caution to the wind and make the 5-hour drive north to my hometown.

At the risk of boring you to tears by giving you the play-by-play on what everyone wore and how most of the men in my class now have shaved heads and how my feet hurt so badly by the end of the night the aching in my arches actually kept me awake, I will simply summarize by saying everyone looked great and seemed happy, which was refreshing.

That sentence was 69 words with only two commas. I am so sorry.

I had a blast-and-a-half seeing my friends, Lisa and Terri, (shown here with me.)

Like most of the other beautiful women in my graduating class, they haven’t changed much since high school. Here, see for yourself.

I forgot to mention, we used to be in a drama-series which ran for a few seasons, until I couldn’t reach an agreement with producers on my salary. They replaced me with Cheryl Ladd, but the show was never the same again.

2. Anniversary: On Sunday, Jon and I celebrated 18 years of wedded bliss.

And by “celebrated” I mean, “Drove back home from Toledo.” And by “drove” I mean “made multiple stops.”

First, we had to stop and scare the snot out of my dad, who had no idea we were coming into town. I don’t like to announce visits when I know we won’t be able to see people. It only hurts their feelings, ya know? But I did want to stop and hug my Daddy, so we did that.

Then, I needed coffee from Panera, because it was already noon and I hadn’t had any yet. And that coupled with the reality of 5 of us in the car for several hours is just a recipe for ugly.

Then we needed gas and snacks.

Then we drove about an hour before we realized it was lunch time.

But we couldn’t grab a fast-food lunch, because we don’t do fast-food. Except Subway. But we had Subway on the way TO Toledo, so no one wanted Subway again.

Speaking of fast-food (follow me on this bunny trail, would you?), my 4-year-old has never been to Burger King, nor can she read. Why, then, does she scream “BURGER KING!!!!” when we drive past one?

Anyhoo.

We decide to eat at The Olive Garden—love their soup and salad. But alas, there was a 25 minute wait. Too long.

So, we drove over to a nearby Ralphies, which is a sports bar and one step away from Burger King ( food-wise) judging from the aroma of all-things-deep-fried permeating the entire acre of Ralphie’s property. But I was happy they had salads (deep-fried, of course), so I agreed. We sat in Ralphie’s (watching football on any one of the 250 big-screen TV’s mounted on the walls) for about 30 minutes before we realized the waitress had not yet taken our orders. So, we abruptly LEFT Ralphie’s and drove over to Panera. Not the same Panera where I got my coffee, though it probably would have been quicker.

By the time we finished lunch, we had been traveling for about 3 hours, but were only about 60 miles into our drive. And that’s about 7 hours in “Car Years” when you have 2 children who forgot to charge their DVD players at Grandma’s house the night before and 1 child who wants to teach the other two a lesson about remembering.

So, in order to expedite our travels, we did what any Anniversary-Celebrating Couple would do—we stopped at IKEA.

3. IKEA: I had never been to IKEA, but always wanted to go. We pass one on the way home from Toledo, and I always say, “Next time, let’s stop at IKEA.” Sunday became my “next time.”

Of course, one child, who shall remain nameless, decided he/she did not want to go to IKEA. No, way. No how.

Taking a child into a store the size of seven consecutive Home Depos when a child does not WANT to be that store is a bit like pushing a stroller with a broken wheel through Disney World.

YOU. JUST. KEEP. PUSHING. THE. STROLLER.THROUGH.THE.MAGIC. KINGDOM.BECAUSE.IT.IS.SUPPOSED.TO.BE.THE.HAPPIEST.PLACE.ON.EARTH.BUT THE.STROLLER.WON’T.GO.WHERE.YOU.WANT.IT.TO.GO.

I don’t have much else to say about IKEA, except

a. They have a place you can drop off little kids. Which would have been extremely convenient if the one kid who didn’t want to be at IKEA would have been the little one.

b. The store never ends. In addition to the kids’ play area, they have a grocery store and concession stand on the first floor, a full-sized restaurant on the second floor, and I’m pretty sure I saw a Discotheque and a small elementary school behind the Home Décor section. The IKEA people have no plans for you to leave IKEA. Ever. Like The Hotel California. You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.

c. The entire store smells like meatballs. I think they pipe it through the air vents. It’s insane. I never wanted a meatball so badly in my life and I don’t even like meat that much. Two days later, and I STILL want a stinking meatball.

When we were about to leave, we lost track of the child who did not want to be in IKEA, forcing me to pack provisions for the long journey back through the store to find said missing child. Said missing child was in the restroom. Of course, we never looked there.

By the time we left IKEA, it was almost dinnertime—the following day. Why we didn’t just eat meatballs at IKEA, I do not know. But we drove for another hour and decided to stop for Sushi. Because Sushi is a completely reasonable option when you have 3 crabby children trapped in the car with dead DVD batteries on the never-ending Anniversary Road Trip home from your 25th High School Reunion.

We left Toledo at 11 am, but didn’t arrive home to Kentucky until 10 pm. We should have been home by 4 pm. We could have driven all the way to Florida in that time frame. And we should have, considering it was our Wedding Anniversary.

All of that made me wake up on Monday totally behind on everything. Which is why I spent the entire day on Facebook posting reunion pictures and talking with my friends about how much fun we had.

I’m still catching up and probably will be for the next several days. I don’t even have anything for dinner tonight, so in addition to unpacking and doing laundry, I still need to run to the store. I’m not sure what to cook, but I’ve got a hankerin’ for meatballs.

Photo Credit

Fitness Friday: Heavenly Popcorn

2011-09-30T08:16:00.002-04:00

You can file this one under "Things Everyone on the Planet Knows Except Sandy." Or the condensed and more efficient title: "Duh"

It's a little food secret I just discovered. Ready for this?

You can microwave popcorn in a paper bag with no oil.

And everybody said???? "DUH"

No, seriously. This was news to me. See, we are a popcorn loving family. I have sweet childhood memories of Saturday nights, popping a giant bowl of popcorn with my mom and whichever (whomever?) of my six siblings was (were?) too young to be dating. Then we'd all gather in the family room--I, in a tiny wooden rocking chair--with our popcorn. And watch Mary Tyler Moore. And Rhoda, when she got her spin-off series.

Fast forward 38 years. I can still sing the entire Mary Tyler Moore theme song. But I need to set my phone alarm to remember to pick up my children from school.

And I still love to fill the house with the aroma of freshly popped corn when our family sits down to watch television.

Which is why we used to buy popcorn in the little microwaveable bags. I loved the convenience of them, really. Until I decided I no longer wanted to feed my family this:

Whole Grain Popcorn, Partially Hydrogenated Soybean Oil, Salt, Butter (Cream, Milk, Salt), Natural & Artificial Flavor, Color Added. Freshness Preserved By Propyl Gallate.

So then, I started popping my corn on the stove with a little bit of olive oil or coconut oil. It was yummy that way. Made me feel like a kid again. The problem? It took about 10 minutes to make that way. Who has 10 minutes, when there's television to be watched????

So, I decided to try popping the corn in a lunch bag. With no oil. Just to see what happened. And it worked. Beautifully.

The Directions:

1. Take an ordinary brown paper lunch bag and fill with about 1/4 cup unpopped popcorn. (I tried placing more than this in the bag, but it burned before it all popped. Not good.)

2. Fold the bag twice to prevent spillage, and place upright in the microwave. It will probably fall over if you have a rotating base in your microwave. No worries. That's why we folded it.

3. Set timer for 4 minutes on full power and LISTEN. When you hear the popping slow down to one pop every few seconds, it's done. Just like it tells you on the store-bought package. I'm stealing their terminology. Getting them back for all the Propyl Gallate I've consumed over the years. Which probably affected my memory in such a way that I need to set an alarm to remember to pick up my children from school.

My microwave pops the popcorn in about 2 1/2 to 3 minutes.

4. Notice how white and fluffy and amazing this popcorn is. My daughter calls it, "Heavenly Popcorn."

5. I like to sprinkle mine with Celtic Sea Salt. And if you are not about to attend your 25-year high school reunion (which I am), you can also melt some organic butter and drizzle--excessively.

The Benefits:

1. You still get the convenience of microwave popcorn, without all of this nonsense:

Whole Grain Popcorn, Partially Hydrogenated Soybean Oil, Salt, Butter (Cream, Milk, Salt), Natural & Artificial Flavor, Color Added. Freshness Preserved By Propyl Gallate.

2. The little brown bags are perfect for on-the-go snacking. Like when you head out the door to pick up you children from school because the alarm told you it was time to do so.

2. You will save yourself a chunk of change. At Kroger, Pop Secret Homestyle sells for $7.59 for 35 oz. I can buy 64 oz of Kroger brand popcorn for $2.99. That's almost double the corn for less than half the price. Add the cost of paper bags, butter and salt and I'm still ahead. I didn't figure that much out. Math isn't my strength.

3. You don't have to add oil, which is high in fat and calories (*cough* 25th reunion).

You can still add Proyl Gallate, if you'd like. But I have no idea how much that costs or what affect it might have on your memory and/or the quality of your parenting. I don't recommend it.

Q4U: Did you know you could microwave popcorn this way? Can you sing the Mary Tyler Moore theme song?

Linking up with Sorta Crunchy and Your Green Resource. Head over there for tons of natural, healthy tips and recipes!

Why Do They Make It So Difficult To Adopt?

2011-09-29T12:09:00.001-04:00

With an estimated 143 million orphans in the world, why does an adoptive family have to jump through so many hoops to adopt one of them? What’s with all the paper work and legal fees? Why all the home visits and personal references? Why should anyone make a dime on the demise of a child who would otherwise live out his childhood in an orphanage and then left on the streets once he “times out” of the system? Why isn’t adoption easy and cheap?

This is Part Eleven of a series on Adoption called Everything I Want You to Know About Adoption. To see the links to each individual post in this series, click the "adoption" tab on the nav bar at the top of the blog, or click here.

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Understanding the Cost

Adoption can be very expensive. I won’t sugar coat that fact. (See my post on Financing Your Adoption for creative and effective ways to ease the financial burden). But many people look at the lump sum of the adoption costs and conclude children are being bought, sold and otherwise exploited, without considering what the fees actually cover.

Here is a breakdown of the fees from Elliana’s adoption:

$50.00 Application-Adoption Assistance

5000.00 Agency Fee, Heart to Heart

83.85 Birth Certificates

53.90 Criminal Records/Marriage Cert

685.00 Finger Prints

418.00 Passports (for 4 of us)

1500.00 Home study/Adoption Assistance

115.00 Certification of Documents

196.62 Postage

565.00 Embassy Fees

22,500.00 Guatemala Fee (this included attorney fees and money to foster family to care for Elliana for a year before we could get her)

587.50 Lab fees (Guatemala runs DNA tests to verify that the mother and child are actually mother and child. This protects children who might otherwise be kidnapped and sold into the adoption system by an adults who are not their parents.)

2732.40 Plane Fare/Delta (We took our 2 children to Guatemala with us)

2832.30 Hotel (We stayed at a nice hotel for a week. We could have stayed at a cheaper hotel and left after 2 days, drastically reducing this fee.)

$37,319.57 Total

I know. I looked at that final number and gasped, too.

Note, first, the birthmother does not get paid. That’s a huge misconception many people have about the process. The birthmom is not-- in any way-- “selling her baby.” That’s a myth. Depending on the type and place of the adoption, she may receive reimbursement for her prenatal care, living expenses while she was pregnant and the medical expenses for the birth. But if she receives any compensation above that, she is doing so illegally.

Second, it takes dozens of people to take a child from an orphan situation to the place where he is your child. And these dozens of people are working legal, ethical, paying jobs. No one works for free. Well, I do, but I’m a mom. And a mediocre blogger. But people with real jobs outside the home can’t work for free, nor should they.

Here’s just a sampling of the people who have a hand in helping you adopt your child:

a. The social worker who makes several trips to your home to make certain your pills are locked in a child-proof cabinet and your fire extinguisher is functioning properly, not to mention, make certain you and your spouse are not on the verge of divorce or in need of psychiatric treatment.

b. The agency worker who processes all your paper work, deals with your attorney, meets with you and the birth family and fields your many phone calls—over the course of your entire adoption (usually a year or more of work involved). In Elijah's adoption, we worked with an adoption coordinator who did not take a fee and existed soley on donations. She was not able to operate for very long that way--she eventually started charging a fee for her services.

c. The attorney who drafts and files all your paperwork, makes sure all the language in every document is accurate, and every signature authentic, then shows up in court to ensure every legal hoop is properly executed so no one can come back later and claim the child is not legally yours.

d. The guy at immigration who takes your fingerprints.

e. The lady at the post office who carefully places all your documents in the overnight envelope to ensure it gets to the right place as soon as possible.

f. The people at the courthouse who pull your birth certificate and your marriage certificate.

g. The doctor, the nurse and the lab technician who examine you and look at your blood and urine to determine that you are healthy and physically capable of parenting a child.

h. The guy who runs your criminal check in every state you’ve ever lived to make sure you haven’t committed crimes against children…or anyone.

Understanding the Scrutiny

Hey yeah…speaking of criminal checks and fingerprints and paperwork, why all the questions? Why must an agency know how much money we’ve made in the last 2 years or what friends and family think about my parenting or if I’ve been treated for mental illness? What business is it of theirs?

First, consider one very, big, giant fact: The child you are trying to adopt is not your child. No one will, (or should!) place a child in any old home, just because he needs a home. It is for the sole protection of the child to make sure the adoptive parents are decent, healthy people. We all know you are decent and healthy, but they need to know it, too.

Yes, the paperwork is a pain. I won’t sugar-coat that either. So, every time I felt “put out” by obtaining another certificate or providing more proof of my parent-worthiness, I told myself, “If this process saves one child from ending up in an abusive, neglectful home, then it’s totally worth it.”

Second, you are paying for peace of mind. You are paying for assurance that the child you are adopting is now fully and legally yours. You want people to make sure the birthparents know their rights and that they weren’t coerced or deceived in any way. You want people to double and triple check every document to prevent anyone coming back later and revoking your parental rights.

Third, remember, having a baby biologically is not free either. Because of insurance, most people never see the actual cost of having a baby. Here is an estimation of pregnancy and birth expenses, according to WebMD,

1. Prenatal care: $2,000

2. Prenatal vitamins: $10-$20 per bottle

3. Birthing classes $20- 500 per class.

4. An uncomplicated cesarean section : $15,000

5. An uncomplicated vaginal birth: $9,000.

Two interesting notes: The cost of the “uncomplicated cesarean” was the same amount I paid to fully process Elijah’s adoption.

When my oldest son, Noah was born, I had an emergency cesarean, and he was in the NICU for 6 weeks. The cost of his birth exceeded $100,000.

The Complex and Very Big Picture

This subject is so big, I am sure I am neither qualified nor capable of addressing it in one post, if at all. But I do believe strongly that, when we point our finger at a lengthy and expensive adoption process, we are pointing at the wrong culprit. The real problem is not “adoption.”

The real problem is children without parents.

In a perfect world, every child would have a home with two loving, healthy, functional parents—a man and a woman—who are married. But sin and poverty and war and disease and crime (and probably a thousand other factors ) render millions of children without parents and in need of a loving family. And that’s why we adopt them.

Adoption is one solution. It’s not THE solution. But I personally believe it’s the best solution, under the circumstances.

For more reading on this subject, check out this article by Kevin D. Hendricks, who articulates his thoughts on the matter way better than I do. The comments section is worth the read, too.

Also, my friend Missy wrote this thought-provoking post on adoption called "Am I a Hero"? Everything she writes is awesome. This post won't dissapoint you.

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Q4U: What are your thoughts on the compication, length or cost of the adoption process? Has that deterred you from considering adoption?

"I Don't Understand How Someone Could Give Up Her Baby!"

2011-09-27T12:00:00.001-04:00

This is Part Ten of a series on Adoption called Everything I Want You to Know About Adoption. To see the links to each individual post in this series, click the "adoption" tab on the nav bar at the top of the blog, or click here.

I have fielded this particular question (which is really not a question at all, but more of an accusation and a judgment on the moral character of the birthmother) more times than I’d like, for sure. With one of our adoptions, I had a person in my life who said this to me repeatedly—no matter how I responded. It was emotionally exhausting, to say the least.

To be fair, most of the time when a person voices this question/concern/judgment, it comes from the heart of one who

a. Loves the adoptive couple and thinks they have their best interest in mind.

b. Has neither a heart for nor a biblical understanding of adoption—on any level.

c. Is simply trying to connect, converse or relate to the adoptive situation in some way.

So, keeping that in mind, I have thought it wise to believe the best about the person making the statement and respond in a loving manner. And yes, it is very difficult to respond in love when what I really want to do is slap someone.

Maybe it’s just me, but I have a really hard time responding in love sometimes.

And it just occurred to me that there is a good chance someone reading this today has made the exact same statement. And maybe this person is you. And maybe you think I want to slap you.

I choose to believe the best about you and respond in love.

Deal? Deal.

Some Birthmothers HAVE Done Very Bad Things

But placing her baby for adoption is not one of them.

True. There are some birthmothers who, after they discovered they were pregnant, chose to abuse drugs or alcohol, continued to smoke cigarettes and eat junk, and refused to step foot in a doctor’s office for prenatal care. Worse yet, some birthmoms have abused or neglected their children. Some birthmothers are incarcerated and/or stripped of their parental rights because of this abuse or illegal behavior.

Yes. It is horrible. I hate it.

Some birthmothers have done very, very bad things.

I honestly don’t know what kind of person abuses and neglects children. A deeply flawed person, I suppose. A deeply flawed person in desperate need of God’s grace and salvation.

I, too, am deeply flawed—in different ways.

I, too, am in desperate need of God’s grace and salvation.

And so are you. And so are the people who ask this question.

So, the only thing I can do with these horrible-birthmom-scenarios is to extend grace. I must place that mom in the capable and loving arms of God. Only God knows how to handle every horrible situation.

But The Typical Birthmother is NOT Abusive and Neglectful

According to Glenda Carr, (the Christian adoption coordinator I used for Elijah’s adoption,) the typical birthmother she sees at Bundle of Hope looks more like this:

1. She is usually in her last trimester of pregnancy

2. She is typically in good health, but has had limited prenatal care

3. She does not drink alcohol, nor does she abuse illegal drugs

4. She tested negative for HIV

5. She is normally between the ages of 14–35 years

6. She is already parenting a child, normally a single parent

7. She has little or no financial support

8. She does not want foster care for her child

9. She does not want the state to help with her adoption plan and chooses a private adoption plan

10. She wants a Christian couple to instill moral values and Godly character to the child

11. She wants a happily married couple with a big extended family that is excited about the adoption and is supportive

12. She is very nervous about meeting with the adoptive family. She wants them not to think badly of her but to understand her situation.

Most birthmothers are not terrible people. At all. Most of them are not out to sell their babies or neglect their children or abuse illegal drugs.

Most birthmothers are scared. And embarrassed. Most of them realize they have made a terrible mistake in conceiving a child that they cannot take care of themselves.

Most birthmothers have no support from the birthfathers. Most birthmothers have very little support from their family and friends. In fact, most birthmothers receive significant pressure from their friends and family to simply abort the baby and “move on.”

In a culture and time where a woman can walk into Planned Parenthood pregnant and walk out not pregnant, I will tell you what I choose to call “the kind of person who gives up her baby.”

Strong. Brave. Extraordinary.

It is an extraordinary girl who chooses to accept the consequences of her decisions, even when it goes against every piece of advice she is getting.

It is an extraordinary girl who endures morning sickness, fatigue, weight gain, stretch marks, labor, delivery, recovery, leaking breasts and radical hormone fluctuations—all so her baby can have a better life with another family.

It’s an extraordinary girl who can wisely access her situation and decide that she cannot provide a good life for her baby.

It is an extraordinary girl who can pore through information on adoptive couples and attempt to choose the best home for her little one.

It is an extraordinary girl who potentially faces every future birthday and holiday with a heavy heart—wondering if her baby is okay or if she made the right decision.

It is an extraordinary woman who overcomes unbelievable obstacles to make another couple’s dream come true.

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I am nearing the end of this adoption series. Is there anything else I could answer for you before I conclude?

Fitness Friday: I Love Mornings. And I Love Workouts. But I Don't Love Early Morning Workouts

2011-09-23T10:57:00.001-04:00

This is a story of Revival, Inspiration, Determination and Revelation that ends with a Great Life Lesson.

Sounds a bit like we’re headed to a Camp Meeting. Except we’re not.

Revival:

My fitness routine this summer could best be described as A Little of This and a Little of That. A little walking. A little (very little) running. A little 30-Day Shred. A little kettle bells. A little elliptical.

Once school started, I was ready to jump into something more structured to carry me through until Christmas. I considered Insanity—too insane. I considered CrossFit—not the right fit. So, a few days ago, out of total boredom with all-things-exercise, I blew the dust off my P90X DVDs and popped one in. The spirit (okay...not THE spirit, but A spirit) moved me. And a Revival was born.

Oh, how I missed Tony Horton, his spray-on tan...his dyed hair....his terrible puns. It took me about 5 minutes of Plyometrics to decide I loved P90X enough to sacrifice the next 90 days of my life. This would be known as a Foxhole Salvation. Some people don’t believe in the sincerity or longevity of Foxhole Salvations, but I promise you, smack dab in the middle of a jumping lunge, I recommitted to P90X.

For the cool down, I held an altar call and sang “Just as I Am.”

Right there in front of my flat screen.

It was beautiful.

Inspiration:

I suppose the renewed passion for P90X wooed me into thinking this next idea was a good one: Not only will I again do P90X, but I will get up every day at 5:15 am and complete my workouts before I wake the children up for school.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

The 5:15 part isn’t as funny as it seems. I do actually get up at or around that time every weekday. But generally, I’m groping my way to the coffee maker in my jammies and trying to decide which would better serve me: reading glasses or a Large Print Bible. Why I thought my current morning routine would flow seamlessly into an hour of hard-core exercise, I do not know.

Father, forgive me. I know not what I do.

Determination:

Day One: The night before my first workout, I set out my workout clothes and my shoes. I filled my water bottle and stored it in the fridge. I dug out my P90X worksheets and schedule and set them on the side table with a pen. I chose Workout One and placed it respectfully into the DVD player. I retrieved the free-weights I would need for said workout, set them near the side table. Then I kissed them goodnight--the weights. I crawled into bed at 9:30 pm. (Which is no small feat in these parts, considering my kids are on some sort of sleeping strike and much prefer to scream and run and fight with one another at this hour than they would sleep.)

After pressing the snooze only once, I arose from my slumber at 5:25, got dressed and—glory-be—successfully completed my workout.

(Definition of successfully: Spending the entire hour wishing I could eat breakfast or drink coffee or go back to bed or poke myself in the eyeballs with a thousand needles.)

It went really well.

Day Two: I set out clothes and shoes, filled my water bottle, but forgot to choose the DVD. I got into bed at 10:30 instead of 9:30, and pressed the snooze twice instead of once. Once I stumbled into the basement, and pressed “play,” I spent the majority of the next 45 minutes asking God to forgive me for the death threats I was wishing upon Tony Horton and friends. I also yawned a lot. And my stomach hurt. When my cheery husband asked, “How was your workout?” I hissed at him.

Day Three: I went to bed—I have no idea when. I got up at 5:45 and made a pot of coffee. I sat down at the table with a steaming cup of Joe and read a few chapters in Ezekiel, alternating between reading glasses and no reading glasses. Then I worked out later in the morning, the way God intended for me, since the foundations of the earth.

Revelation:

1. I am not an early morning workout person.
2. Doing P90X on an empty stomach with no caffeine in my system is a recipe for a terrible workout and a wife who is prone to hissing.
3. Something as simple as working out at the wrong time of the day can make me loath exercise.
4. That was the very first time in my life I dreaded working out. And I didn’t like that feeling.
5. Words like “loathe” and “dreaded” should not be used in conjunction with exercise, if I desire to be a fit and healthy person.
6. I will have a tendency to beat myself up this week for failing at my early morning workouts attempt.
7. Beating myself up for something that has absolutely no eternal value whatsoever is ridiculous.
8. I will have a tendency to beat myself up for beating myself up over something that has no eternal value.

Great Life Lesson:

Finally, what we can all learn from this:

Regarding your personal workout routine, find a time that works best for you and stick with it. If you are a mid-morning person (like me), then enjoy your coffee and breakfast, and don’t beat yourself up, no matter how badly you struggle with perfectionism. If you are a lunchtime walker, then walk with reckless abandon. If you like to hit the gym on your way home from work, then get jiggy with your big bad self at the 6 pm Spinning Class. If you prefer an evening run, then run, run as fast you can. I can’t catch you, you’re the gingerbread man.

That’s all. And have a great weekend.

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