Best of 2011: Lots of Sowing and Sowing and Sowing

It's become a God Speaks Today tradition.
Each year, during the end of December, we look back over the most popular posts of the year while I step away from writing to enjoy the Christmas Season with my family.
Maybe you missed these the first time around.
Maybe you'd like to read them again...

Welcome to the Best of 2011

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Original Run Date: October 25, 2011.  This post is born out of a very difficult season of parenting.  If you have children, this one is for you.  And it also proves that not all of my posts are random thought-type and/or lists.   And sometimes I don't write about American Idol.  Scroll to the end for info on the upcoming New Years Resolution Post Link-up Party!

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“As long as the earth endures,

seedtime and harvest,

cold and heat,

summer and winter,

day and night

will never cease.”

Genesis 8:22

Photo Credit

I am in a long season of sowing. I am in the throes of parenting a middle-schooler, an elementary-schooler and a preschooler. I’m on my fourth year of blogging. I sing on the worship team, fill my monthly slot at the nursery sign-in table, and volunteer for the PTO. And I’m doing all of this alongside my husband of 18 years.

If I were to describe my typical day in one word it would be “routine.”

No job relocations, no book contracts, no newly-adopted babies. I’m not changing the world, or even my hair color, as far as I can see. I am just diligently and faithfully setting my hand to do everything God has given me to do for this long, laborious season.

Seedtime is exhausting. It’s easy to become discouraged during seedtime, because I rarely see evidence of my labor. Sometimes, it’s almost as if the ground is looking up at me and screaming, “You are RUINING MY LIFE.” And then, it runs upstairs and slams the bedroom door.

Sometimes, in the midst of seedtime, it’s tempting to look over at the farm next door and wonder why their crops are higher, more colorful. Why are they reaping already? How is it that they have homemade pumpkin pie when I barely see a sprout?  Or is that a weed?

Sometimes I look down into my dirty, calloused hands, examine my seed, and wonder if the seed is any good at all—if it will ever produce the harvest I envision. Maybe I bought some cheap seed by accident. Maybe my seed is rancid. Maybe my see is worthless.

Most days, it feels like I’m slowly and painstakingly walking up and down acres and acres of fields, tossing seed this way and that. Scattering pests that swoop down to devour my seed before it even has a chance to take root. Pulling up weeds that threaten to choke a tender bud—a bud that has yet to break through the carefully tilled soil. Hoping the soil and the rain and the sun all do their thing, so my vulnerable little seeds will someday grow.

And then I pray.

And I wait.

And I keep sowing.

That’s where I’ve been, lately. And from my vantage point--out here in the middle of a giant field—where I’ll be for a while.

And that’s why I appreciate so much when God sends me a little sign that something, anything, somewhere, somehow is sprouting. Maybe something I had sown years ago—or maybe last week—took root. Maybe someday, I will have a crop after all.

God graciously sent me one of those moments last night, when my 12-year-old handed me a report she wrote for school. Her assignment was to discuss someone she views as a good Christian example. No, it wasn’t me. That would have been a miracle nice, but I wouldn’t expect such an atrocity until well past her 21st birthday, when she realizes I wasn’t actually intending to ruin her life.

But her choice was someone I had just told her about last week, in passing, while chatting with her in the kitchen one ordinary (and dare I say, routine?) evening.

I chose Rich Mullins because he was an amazing Christian artist with the best of intentions for others. The profits from his tours and the sale of each album went to his church, which divided it up, paid Mullins the average salary in the U.S. for that year, and gave the rest to charity. As a result, Rich lived close to poverty even though he was one of Christian music’s top artists.His faith is demonstrated in a quote that he said during one of his concerts shortly before he died. He stated that:

“Jesus said whatever you do to the least of these my brothers you’ve done it to me. And this is what I’ve come to think. That if I want to identify fully with Jesus Christ, who I claim to be my Savior and Lord, the best way that I can do that is to identify with the poor. This I know will go against the teachings of all the popular evangelical preachers. But they’re just wrong. They’re not bad, they’re just wrong. Christianity is not about building an absolutely secure little niche in the world where you can live with your perfect little wife and your perfect little children in a beautiful little house where you have no gays or minority groups anywhere near you. Christianity is about learning to love like Jesus loved and Jesus loved the poor and Jesus loved the broken.”

She found that quote on her own—she searched for something meaningful to her, and she chose that. 

Is that a sprout I see peeking up through the soil?

And so this morning, with dirty and calloused hands, I kneel next to this tiny bud-of-a-harvest, and wipe away tears. I am committed to protect this little sprout from the Enemy who would love nothing better than to choke the life out of it. 

Not on my watch.

I thank the Lord that this one tiny seed--and the million others like it—sown in love, will produce a crop of righteousness at the appointed time.

And let us not grow weary while doing good,

for in due season we shall reap

if we do not lose heart.

Galatians 6:9

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Monday, I will be back with all new material.  Just a reminder that I will be having a little linky party for your New Year's Resolution post.  Maybe you aren't a "resolution" kind of person.  That's cool.  You can call them "goals."  Or you can call them "things I might want to focus on in 2012, maybe."  Whatever.  I just want to hear where you think you're headed.  Let's plan for Wednesday, January 4th.  Have a very Happy New Year and see you soon!

Best of 2011: Ten Completely Unspiritual Things I Learned at the Beth Moore Conference

It's become a God Speaks Today tradition.
Each year, during the end of December, we look back over the most popular posts of the year while I step away from writing to enjoy the Christmas Season with my family.
Maybe you missed these the first time around.
Maybe you'd like to read them again...

Welcome to the Best of 2011

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Original Run Date:  August 27, 2011.  This post was a "Plan B" type of post.  I wrote it after "Plan A" fell through.  And it ended up being my highest-traffic-producing post of the year.  Go figure.

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This post was supposed to be the one where I tell you how Beth Moore heard directly from God, spoke what she heard with eloquence, and left me completely undone. This was supposed to be the post where I try to decode the 10 pages of notes I furiously and frantically scribbled, so that I can share with you all of the deep spiritual truths she extracted and eloquently shared from the Word of God. This was supposed to be the post where I move you to tears as I describe the special bonding weekend I had with my 12-year-old daughter, my sister-in-law and my 12-year-old niece in our annual Girls’ Weekend.

And finally, this was supposed to be the post where I provoke you to action as I describe the ways I’m committing myself to study, do and teach everything I learned from Beth Moore at the Living Proof Live Event.

And all that would be 100% true and completely accurate.

Except that I left my notes in my sister-in-law’s car in Columbus, Ohio.

D’oh!

So, instead of all that, I’ll give you the severely watered-down /behind-the-scenes/unplugged version of the post. Trust me, this is harder than it looks. Because when you are sitting in a Beth Moore Bible Study of any kind, you can be a stinking cockroach on the floor and absorb something spiritual. It takes real talent to come up with something irrelevant and nonsensical.

And with that Intro of Pure Awesomeness, I give you:

The Ten Completely Unspiritual Things I Learned at the Living Proof Live Event:

1. Wearing a flowy black top, dark flared jeans and high heels is a very flattering outfit for all body types.

2. After this conference, 7,000 women, give or take, went shopping for a flowy black top, dark flared jeans and high heels. And went to their perspective salons to get layers cut into their hair like this. Talk about pure awesomeness.



3. Beth Moore uses the grease from 10 slices of bacon (but not the bacon itself) to make her cornbread stuffing at Christmas.

4. It is a moral injustice, plain and simple, that Beth Moore can eat bacon grease and still look like this.

5. Speaking of Christmas, my zoom lens on my nice camera (the camera that was my Christmas present to myself) takes great shots from afar…

6. Except when the subject gets too close. There’s just no way to switch out lenses quickly enough when the subject is walking toward you at a fast clip.

7. Leaving your nice Christmas-present-to-yourself-camera in the hands of two 12-year-olds means you later find about 50 pictures that look like this.



8. When 40-something-year-old women are wiping away tears and frantically scribbling down 10 pages of notes, 12-year-old-girls are drawing mustaches on the pictures in the program

(insert picture here of 12-year-old’s mustache-drawing, except that the program in question is sitting in a car 150 miles away)

9. I have a female, Christian 40-something-year-old friend who has never heard of Beth Moore. Yes, she is from the U.S. And no, she is not Amish, nor does she live in a cardboard box or in any sort of seclusion, voluntary or otherwise.

10. Riding home in a car for 3 hours alone with your daughter, basking in the afterglow of a Living Proof Live Event, is an excellent opportunity to share with her a few nuggets of wisdom she will need later in life. Like the lyrics to Black Water, by the Doobie Brothers. You just never know when she will need to chime in to a little of THIS:

I'd like to hear some funky Dixieland
Pretty mama come and take me by the hand
By the hand (hand), take me by the hand pretty mama
Come and dance with your daddy all night long
(Repeat into fade)


My heart swells with pride, knowing that when the time comes, my daughter is now prepared for such a moment.

I warned you, this would be irrelevant and nonsensical.

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Not that you would want to after this post, but if you subscribe to this blog, you will never miss another post as long as you live.  It's easy, free and safe.  What's not to like about easy, free and safe?

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Fall 2011 also brought one of my personal favorite series:  Everything I Want You to Know About Adoption.  To see all the links to individual posts in that series, click here

Best of 2011: What American Idol is Teaching Me About Walking with God

It's become a God Speaks Today tradition.
Each year, during the end of December, we look back over the most popular posts of the year while I step away from writing to enjoy the Christmas Season with my family.
Maybe you missed these the first time around.
Maybe you'd like to read them again...

Welcome to the Best of 2011

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Original Run Date: May 3, 2011. As you can see, I have an unnatural fixation on American Idol. But I'm trying to use it for good, not evil.

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You knew it was coming, didn’t you. The American Idol/Spiritual Application post? Writing on a blog called “God Speaks Today” carries with it tremendous responsibility to listen for God anywhere and everywhere. Even on reality shows involving singing competitions and newly sober Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductees.

So, here you go:

1. When you operate in your gifts, even the Steven Tylers of this world will recognize the gifts are from God. There have been times this season when one of the contestants hits a note or does some insane vocal run, and it literally brings tears to my eyes. I always think, “Wow…what a gift God has given them!” I don’t know how well Steven Tyler knows Jesus, but I can’t help but smile big every time he credits God for the talent—and he does it a lot. I can’t sing like that at all, but God has gifted me in other ways. I believe when we flow in our gifts—really step out there and do our thang, we all can have this effect on people.

2. Just because you don’t win, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t sing: There is only one Idol winner. But there are dozens of contestants who should and will go on to pursue professional singing careers. There are still hundreds more who should and will continue to sing in their little realms of influence—local bands, church choirs, weddings. And there are thousands more who should and will sing only to their children or in the privacy of their shower or in bad karaoke. And that’s okay, too. My point is, not everyone lands the book contract or the president position or the blog that gets a million hits a day. But that doesn’t mean you pack it up and start selling pizzas. Unless, of course, selling pizza is your gift. Then, sell your pizzas with reckless abandon.

3. Sometimes the majority doesn’t know what the heck they are doing: Pia’s gone. Casey’s gone. That’s all.

4. Don’t be afraid to let Simon go: Does anyone even miss Simon? Remember last year all the commotion about Simon leaving and everyone was all “oh my goodness, what will happen to the ratings, and this will be the last season of American Idol, blah, blah, blah.” Remember that? I have found the show this season to be nothing short of a breath of fresh air. I see it on all the contestants’ faces too. Instead of standing in fear of harsh criticism at the end of every performance, they stand in anticipation. I’m convinced, no one needs a Simon in his or her life. Simons may stir up controversy, but they don’t help you excel in your gift. Identify the creator of the negative energy, bid him farewell, and don’t look back.

5. Surround yourself with people who are successful at what you want to do: What a difference it makes to have, say, Jennifer Lopez—who is selling music off the charts right now—or maybe Steven Tyler—who has made a platinum record every decade for four decades straight—offer a compliment, a criticism or a direction. I mean, Ellen was delightful, but she was more like the good friend who just wants you to succeed, but doesn’t really “get” your gift, know what I mean? It’s nice to have those people in our lives, too. Kara was just agitated with something, I don’t know what. I don't want friends like Kara either.  But oh…what a difference it makes to have Jennifers and Stevens and producers and vocal coaches working with you—for you!—refining you and your gift day in and day out. Find those people, and stay close to those people.

6. You can sing the exact same words to a different arrangement and it won’t be the same OR  Make sure you listen to the demo before you buy the track: During Carole King week, 17-year-old country singer, Scotty, sang the most gorgeous rendition of “You’ve Got a Friend” I have ever heard. Literally. It was outstanding. Off the charts. And that’s sayin’ somethin’ cuz

a. I’m not a big Scotty fan and

b. I AM a big James Taylor fan, and I posted HIM singing that same song long before Scotty was even born, like a few months ago.

So, the next day, I decided to download Scotty’s song from I-Tunes. Only, when I listened to the demo, it wasn’t the same version. The song was still “You’ve Got a Friend,” but it was like double time with banjos and an added dose of twang. It was TERRIBLE!!!!

And I don’t really know how I can spiritualize this point, except that I wanted to complain to someone about it, and it might as well be you. Because I really wanted that other version and it’s not available on I-Tunes!

Can you help me find a spiritual application for that last point? What other spiritual applications can you draw from your favorite television show?  Doesn't have to be American Idol.  Any show will do.

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May 2011 also brought a 31-Day Series I entitled

31 Days to Health, Wellness and Bathing Suit Season.

Click the title for links to that series.

Best of 2011: Shop/Shoppe? Steven/Stephen?

It's become a God Speaks Today tradition.
Each year, during the end of December, we look back over the most popular posts of the year while I step away from writing to enjoy the Christmas Season with my family.
Maybe you missed these the first time around.
Maybe you'd like to read them again...

Welcome to the Best of 2011

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Original run date:  March 25, 2011.  Sometimes "random thought" posts don't work.  And sometimes they do.  This one did.  I think it had something to do with the caffeine.  (note to self:  drink more caffeine when you write).  Is it tacky that I laugh out loud at my own posts?
Oh, and Merry Christmas!!!
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I am sitting in my favorite coffee shop with cute clothes and bad hair, because I have a hair appointment in about an hour and a half. I am seated at a table without an electric outlet, which means I have about an hour of battery power on my laptop.

All of that means, instead of writing another stellar post in my Freedom From Perfection series, I am going to do one of my stellar lists of random thoughts. I actually have a Perfection post half-written, partly in my journal and partly in my head. But I don’t think I have time to pull it together perfectly before my computer dies. But I do have time to ramble. I always have time to ramble. And rambling, by definition, does not need to be perfect.  Plus, the rambling will allow me to clear my head, which will, in turn, allow me to write a stellar perfection post. 

1. In my favorite coffee shop, I see three tables of people sitting near outlets who are not using computers. Isn’t there a law against this? Is it a violation of coffee shop etiquette to approach these people and ask them to switch tables with me? Can they tell that I’m stalking their tables from across the room? Must I start carrying an extension cord in my purse? Is that what it’s come to? Does spelling “shop” as “shoppe” make you feel like you should be wearing a corset and a giant hat?

2. Tonight my man and I are going to see James Taylor in concert. This was one of my Christmas presents to Jon. We love James Taylor. In fact, I had no idea there were people on the planet who didn’t love James Taylor. Until, our friend Kevin apparently gave Jon a hard time about it. Kevin is scheduled to guest post on my blog soon. I think I may have to accidently delete his post, just because he made fun of James Taylor.

3. Elliana’s preschool teacher doesn’t know who James Taylor is. I could see it on her face when I mentioned his name. I even sang a heartwarming rendition of “You’ve Got a Friend” for her at the threshold of the classroom just moments ago. Still, nothing. Oh, the humanity.

4. Oooo! A table with an outlet just opened up! Now I have battery power. But I still have a hair appointment. Enjoy this clip of James Taylor singing “You’ve Got a Friend” while I move my stuff.


5. I had a dream the other night that I was voted off American Idol. I didn’t see it coming. I really assumed I was going all the way to the finale. Did you ever wake up from a disturbing dream and feel disturbed in real life all day long? Yeah, that was me getting voted off American Idol.

6. My sister asked me (in real life, not in my dream) what I sang. I don’t remember that part of my dream. But if I had the chance to do it all again, I would sing “Total Eclipse of the Heart.” My sister said she thought I could really have a “moment” with that song. I agree.

7. Have you been watching it??? American Idol, I mean. I have to pull a Randy here and remind everyone that I’ve been watching the show for 10 seasons. That said, I can honestly say I have never experienced more bliss watching Idol as I have this season. I absolutely love the new judges. Without Simon there, the panel is so peaceful. I knew Simon brought a lot of negative energy to the table, but I had no idea how little I’d miss it until Stephen (Steven?) and Jennifer entered the scene. They are so encouraging, so professional—except for the occasional f-bomb from Steven/Stephen.

8. Jon and I were pontificating about why the talent over all seems so much better this year. My theory is two-fold. First, I think having Jennifer and Steven (Stephen?) picking the talent from day-one made a huge difference. They didn’t put through many goofballs in the various cities. When they did, they got rid of them in Hollywood. Second, this is the first year the contestants are working with producers each week instead of “guest mentors” or “no one.” They have big-shot-music people coaching them, helping them arrange their songs. It’s making a big-shot difference.

9. I bet it’s driving past contestants crazy that the contestants this year are getting the royal treatment.

10. Wednesday’s show was my absolute favorite so far. Not only did they sing MoTown, but they all did so well. Please tell me you’ve all heard of MoTown.

11. Thursday’s show had me on my feet. It was so stinkin exciting. As far as I’m concerned, the season could end today and I would be satisfied. When Casey made bottom 3 and THEN got voted off, I about died. As did the entire known world, I’m sure. I mean, next to the crisis in Libya, this is front-page news. EVERYONE thinks Casey is a contender for the Title. I knew the judges would save him. I predicted it when the bottom 3 was announced. However, I did NOT predict that they would cut him off while he was “singing for his life” to save him. The chaos. The drama. The emotion. I was so impressed with the judges at that moment. I loved when they said, “We know who you are.” You know, like he didn’t need to perform to win their approval. There’s a spiritual analogy in there somewhere.

12. We play American Idol during the show at our house. Elliana is Jennifer. Jon is Randy. Rebekah is Ryan. And I’m Steven/Stephen. Elijah doesn’t get to be anyone, because he always leaves mid-show to play the Wii. Traitor.

13. I’m going to have to pull another Randy here and remind you all that in 1995, I stood behind Steven/Stephen Tyler while waiting for ice cream at an ice cream shop/shoppe called Mad Martha’s in Martha’s Vineyard. He had on ripped up jeans with bandanas tied around his legs. He was with two pretty blonde girls. I was afraid to say hello.

14. I also saw Aerosmith in concert in 1986. Honestly, it was a little too loud for me. Even 17-year-old-rock-and-roll-me.

15. Please tell me you have all heard of Aerosmith. Am I gonna have to sing “Walk this Way?”

16. I went to a lot of concerts in grade school and high school. Most of them with my sister (see #6). My very first concert was Def Leppard, in 1982. I can’t even say that without laughing.

17. My favorite concert is a toss-up between Chicago (while Peter Cetera was still there) and Bruce Springsteen, Born in the USA Tour—row 52 on the floor. I thought for sure I was close enough for him to pull me up on stage and sing “Dancing in the Dark” to me.

18. It’s a good thing I have American Idol and James Taylor to keep me grounded, because our spring schedule is in full swing, and it ain’t pretty. Even with each child in one sport, I am losing my mind trying to remember who needs to be where and at what time and with what uniform. I’m in my brain trying to figure out when they all will eat, if they’ve completed homework and if I remembered to secure Elliana’s seat belt before I drove away. I’m losing my mind. And it just started.

19. Tip of the day? It is wise to know the full extent of the time involved in an activity BEFORE you sign up for it. Who knew middle school track meets would be 4 hours long?

20. Last week, we sat at the track meet when it was 38 degrees and raining. For four hours. That’s when I had a spiritual revelation: Hell is not hot. Hell is 38-degress and raining. I don’t want to go there.

21. This week, we had 80-degree temps and sun. It was glorious. Birds singing. Flowers blooming. My windows were open. I wore shorts and a tank top. I painted my toe nails. That is, until yesterday, when we had another track meet. Then it was 38 degrees. Winter coats and boots. Blankets. Hats, gloves, hand warmers. Is God mad at me for something? The Def Leppard concert, maybe?

22.  Today, I had my morning devotion time sitting on the floor of my laundry room hiding from my kids.  True story.

23. Well, I hate to cut this off at 23 items and 1400 words, but I gotta get these ends trimmed off my hair. But before you go, leave a comment and tell me: What was your very first concert?  or  Have you ever hidden from your kids?

Best of 2011: The Comparison Trap

It's become a God Speaks Today tradition.
Each year, during the end of December, we look back over the most popular posts of the year while I step away from writing to enjoy the Christmas Season with my family.
Maybe you missed these the first time around.
Maybe you'd like to read them again...

Welcome to the Best of 2011

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Original run date:  March 8, 2011.  I wrote three blog series in 2011.  One of them I called "Freedom From Perfection."  Writing this particular series brought me more personal freedom than any series I've written thus far.  And judging from reader comments, I think it resonated with a lot of you, too.  Here is Part 8.

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The other day, I went a-searchin’ for a women’s conference to attend this year. A conference to nourish and refresh my soul and give me an event to look forward to, as I impatiently wait for spring to arrive. I googled around until I found one I thought might suit my fancy. (Why I’m talking like I lived in the 1800’s, I do not know.)

I then started reading through the speaker bios. They went a bit like this:

Susie Smith is a homeschooling mother of six. She and her husband live on a farm where she creates nightly meals from scratch with the organic food she has grown and harvested with her bare hands. Her passions include scrapbooking, home interior design, green living, frugal living, women’s ministry, and nurturing sick and orphaned animals back to health. She is the author of seven books and the wildly popular blog, I Have it All Together, Why Don’t You?

(insert professional headshot of beautiful, flawless woman)

Jenny Jones has lived in seven countries and dreams of living in five more. She is a homeschooling mother of four, ages 6, 5, 4, and 2. She and her husband are expecting quadruplets in the fall. She is a marathon runner and plans to complete her 20th marathon just before delivering the quads. She has led over 50,000 people to Christ, through her personal discipleship and mentoring program. In her spare time, she enjoys writing best-selling cookbooks, and has appeared on Food Network, The Today Show, Oprah and Ellen.

(Insert professional headshot of beautiful, flawless, buff woman)

Alright. I’m exaggerating. A little. There was no one pregnant with quads. But every one of these women were simply unbelievable. I wish I could say that as I read through the bios, I celebrated each woman’s accomplishments and considered how I might glean something from her, should I attend this women’s conference. But I would be exaggerating again.

Instead, I was jealous. With every bio, I compared that woman’s accomplishments to my own. And mine fell painfully short.

Sandy Cooper is a stressed-out mom of three. She knows she could never home school because she dreads daily the overseeing of 3rd grade math homework with her 9-year-old . Every morning she wakes up wondering how she’s going to get it all done. And most days she doesn’t. She loves to write and actually has some pretty good ideas, but has a terrible time keeping up with her blogs. Sometimes she forgets to bathe her 4-year-old.  She dreams of changing the world, but often puts off changing light bulbs and the kitty litter.

(insert un-touched picture of me in sweats and no make-up, taking a nap)

After my brutal exercise in self-deprecation, I simply didn’t measure up. The more I read and compared, the more defeated and deflated I became. Until, finally, I just clicked off the website, turned off my computer and shuffled my pathetic, underachieving-self into bed. So much for “nourish and refresh my soul.”

For those of us struggling to be free from Perfectionism, The Comparison Trap is a dangerous place in which to linger. We are constantly told that “no one is perfect” and that “perfection is unattainable.” And we know this is true, logically. But it’s hard for us Perfectionists to internalize these truths when we come across others who are living what we define as a perfect or near-perfect life.

“We like to identify our shortcomings, form them into a club, and mentally beat the tar out of ourselves. Over and over and over again. We label ourselves and soon lose our real identity to the beaten and bruised fragility we call ‘me.’ We compare, we assume, we assess, we measure, and most times walk away shaking our head at how woefully short our “me” falls when compared to everyone else. How dangerous it is to hold up the intimate knowledge of our imperfections against the outside packaging of others.”

~Lysa Terkeurst, Made to Crave

Maybe you aren’t comparing yourself to writer/speaker/moms, like I am. But you are comparing yourself to the neighbor with the beautifully decorated, always immaculate home. Or the couple with the thriving, healthy marriage. Or the family with the polite, intelligent and spiritually mature children. Or the minister with the massive following and booked speaking calendar. Or the executive with the top-level, high-paying position.

To us, they appear perfect. Or near-perfect. We see them. We envy them. We wonder what we are doing wrong. And the bondage of Perfectionism continues as we erect an even higher standard with which we feel compelled to judge ourselves.

The older I get—and the more my peers accomplish in life—the more brutal The Comparison Trap becomes for me. Sometimes I feel like everyone is dashing past me, doing all the things I envision for myself. Things I thought I would have already accomplished by now. Yet, I’m limping breathlessly behind, buried in a pile of laundry or stuck in a line of 1,000 vehicles in the carpool line.

This is not the “liberty” Jesus intended for me!

I sense God is wanting to give me total victory here. Thus, He is providing numerous opportunities for me to mature. It seems lately, I have been faced with countless women who appear to have attained “perfection” in some area of life. An area where I currently struggle. An area where I long for success. And I sense God asking me,

“How will you respond? Will you compare yourself with her? Or will you walk confidently in My will for your life? Will you strive to be like her? Or will you rest in My grace, knowing I only expect you to listen for My voice and humbly obey? Will you define your success and failure by your flawed perception of someone else’s success? Or will you allow Me to define you with the Truth of My Word? Which will it be, Sandy?”


For the last few weeks, as I’ve worked through the issues of Perfectionism for the sake of this series, God has revealed to me that a major component in conquering my Perfectionism lies in decimating The Comparison Trap.

I had no idea how much mental energy I spent in the cycle of looking at others/comparing myself/falling short/beating myself up/trying harder.

It’s bondage. Complete and utter bondage.

I’m seeking God’s guidance and asking Him to reveal to me the pathway to freedom from The Comparison Trap. I have some ideas that I’m pretty sure are from God. I want to share them in Part 9. So, please come back.

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If you'd like to read through this entire series, here are the links to individual posts

Intro

Part 1, Perfectionism Defined

Part 2, The Root of Perfectionism 

Part3, Re-examine the Painful Memories

Part 4, Procrastination

Part 5, My Best Anti-Procrastination Tip

Part 6, Picture (Im)Perfect--guest post

Part 7, Picture (Im) Perfect, second part, guest post
Part 8 is the post you are reading

Part 9, Decimating the Comparison Trap

Part 10, More Decimating the Comparison Trap

Part 11, When Perfectionists Collide

Part 12, Unconditional Love--guest post

Part 13, Perfection vs. Excellence
Part 14, Conclusion, Embracing Imperfect

Best of 2011: My To-Do List vs. My To BE List

It's become a God Speaks Today tradition.
Each year, during the end of December, we look back over the most popular posts of the year while I step away from writing to enjoy the Christmas Season with my family.
Maybe you missed these the first time around.
Maybe you'd like to read them again...

Welcome to the Best of 2011

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Original Run Date: January 21, 2011. This one speaks directly to my heart.  One of my continuing struggles as a mother:  to center my days on "being" not just "doing."  Maybe you can relate.

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It’s another snow day here in the fine city of Louisville, Kentucky. And that means three things:

1. Kentuckians are very afraid to drive on any amount of snow. Very, very afraid.

2. Our school make-up days will now extend into the summer (which is entirely too short as it stands, in my opinion. Seriously—since when did the entire month of August cease to be part of summer? And now, we will begin eating away at June, too? *sigh* ).

3. My To-Do list is totally shot, again.


Do 2 loads of laundry
Pick up clothes from the dry cleaners
Go to Target
Change the sheets on two of the beds
Mop kitchen floor
Return phone calls
Write—something…anything

Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE me a good snow day. I cherish having my kids home. I like to bake homemade chocolate chip granola bars. I like to make a big ‘ole pot of something hot. I have been known to stay in jammies all day. I get all-nostalgic, remembering as a child playing in four-foot snow drifts, and thawing out in front of the heating vent with a cup of hot chocolate.

But running a household of five takes a certain amount of organization and self-discipline. Snow days don’t really scream “Let’s have a day of organization and self-discipline!” do they.

I know, I know. I’ve been a mother long enough to realize I need to go-with-the-flow on days like today. But honestly, something about setting aside all I have to do (again) generates a bit of anxiety within me. The slightest hint of frustration. Blowing it all off for the sake of another snow day means tomorrow’s chores instantly multiply. And I already feel like I don’t have enough hours in the day to do all I need to do today. Know what I’m saying?

“God is far more interested in what you are 

than in what you do.”

 ~Rick Warren, The Purpose-Driven Life

So, this morning as I lay in bed, watching the sun peek over the trees, listening to the stirrings of children emerging from their warm beds, I think about everything I intended to do today that won’t happen. And in my pre-caffeinated anxiety, I hear the undeniable whisper of God.

“Instead of a To-Do List, how about we create a To-BE list?”

Be gentle: with children who spill dry cereal on the carpet, forget to make their beds and fail to brush their teeth.

Be patient: when absolutely no one moves as quickly as you want them to.

Be kind: to everyone, always.

Be present: to a little boy who wants to share with you every detail of the dragon he fought and conquered on level nine of his Wii game.

Be fun: with the little girl who is asking you to play doll-house, again. With the kids who are begging you to put on your coat and boots and sled with them down the hill.

Be a peacemaker: when you hear sarcastic tones and angry responses behind closed doors

Be merciful: if you are going to err today, let it be on the side of mercy.

Be self-controlled: Pause before you respond, before you react.

Be pure in heart: Let the motivation for everything you do today be the extension of My love to your children and your husband.

Be full of faith: I know exactly where you are today. I created the snow. I created your children. I saw this day before it ever came to be. And I have lovingly and graciously equipped you to DO and to BE all I called you to DO and BE.

Best of 2011: God Speaks Through Facebook

It's become a God Speaks Today tradition.
Each year, during the end of December, we look back over the most popular posts of the year while I step away from writing to enjoy the Christmas Season with my family.
Maybe you missed these the first time around.
Maybe you'd like to read them again...

Welcome to the Best of 2011

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Original Run Date: January 7, 2011. This one gave me chills all over again. Definitely one of my favorite stories of the year.

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The following events are true. I'm not making any of this up.

The day was Tuesday, January 4, 2011.

9:00 am

I drop off my 4-year-old daughter, Elliana, at her Mother’s Day Out program. As I am leaving, Linda, the director of Mother’s Day Out, stops me to share some exciting news: the day before, Linda received her “travel date.” That’s adoption-speak for that long-awaited call from the orphanage in Korea telling her that she may come and pick up her 7-year-old daughter.

For those who don’t understand the magnitude of this, the “travel-date” call is akin to your water breaking in pregnancy. You're having regular contractions and you're on the way to the hospital.  You're in the home stretch, baby. It’s just a matter of time, and that child will be in your arms.

As you can imagine, Linda is beside herself with excitement. And I’m more than happy to join Linda in her excitement. You don’t much have to twist my arm to get me talking about adoption.

For the next 30 minutes, Linda and I chat and giggle about the arrival of her new daughter. Seeing the anticipation on her face brings a flood of sentiment to my heart, as I recall the day WE travelled to pick up OUR daughter.

Hey…wait a minute…it was exactly 3 years ago that day (January 4, 2008) when we flew to Guatemala and met our sweet girl for the first time!

Wow. What a cool coincidence.


10:15 am

In honor of this little anniversary, I post this as my Facebook status:

"Three years ago today, in the lobby of a hotel in Guatemala City, a beautiful woman handed me my daughter and our family was complete."

Along with this picture:

11:33 am

I receive this message from a Facebook friend. This particular friend and I had exchanged lengthy e-mails a year or so ago, where she revealed that she and her husband were considering adopting a child. She had lots of questions. I had lots of answers. You don’t much have to twist my arm to get me talking about adoption.

Anyway, her message reads this:

I had some pretty scary health issues this year so I put the whole adoption thing begrudgingly to the side. Long story short I was being checked for cancer and didn't want to bring another child into the fold if I was not going to be healthy. Looooong story shorter, my heart has been so consumed by the desire to adopt a precious child who needs so much love. My human nature seeks confirmation, over and over again sometimes. I kept praying for God to give me signs to know if it was the right thing for us. Yes my desire (and my husband’s too) is there, but is it the right thing?


My silly human self asked God for 3 specific signs.


1. The first was to show me a way to help us cover the adoption costs. While reading a book (Mary Beth Chapman's) I discovered an organization I had never heard of that helps.


2. I asked God to show me if my children could handle the changes. My son directly asked me this weekend if we could adopt a child who needs a good home...preferably a boy because he could relate to him more...but a girl would do, none the less.


3. Third I asked God to show me somewhere, somehow, the face of a mother meeting her new baby. Why I asked that, I am not sure. I guess I wanted to see if I could see it through her eyes.


In under one week ALL of my "signs" were given to me...the third being your picture you posted today. I am in awe of the loving grace of God.



I sent her 3 more pictures of my "face" that day, just to make sure she didn't miss the sign.  And I told her to get busy with that paper work.  Looks like she's adopting a baby.

Best of 2011: Setting God-Directed New Year's Resolutions

It's become a God Speaks Today tradition.
Each year, during the end of December, we look back over the most popular posts of the year while I step away from writing to enjoy the Christmas Season with my family.
Maybe you missed these the first time around.
Maybe you'd like to read them again...

Welcome to the Best of 2011

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Original Run Date:  January 3, 2011--This one will probably be more helpful to you this time around, since you still have a few more weeks before you set your New Year's Resolutions for 2012!  Read to the end to find out about linking your New Year's Resolution post in January!

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I am driving my husband crazy. Every time we have more than about three minutes to talk, I say, “So, let’s talk New Year’s Resolutions.” And he rolls his eyes, gives me a long, deep sigh and says, “Um…okay.” And then, he says absolutely nothing while I go on and on about all the things mulling around in my crazy brain about 2011.

I’m totally into New Years. I LOVE riding the huge wave of momentum created by an entire nation of people wiping the slate clean and looking toward a fresh, shiny new year. I love goal-setting and planning. I love TALKING about goal-setting and planning. I love PLANNING to talk about goal-setting and planning. It’s my spiritual gift, talking and planning.

My husband? Not so much.

That's why I need you.  While I so very much enjoyed taking the last few weeks off from blogging, I missed you all so much.  I missed our chats.  I really did!  So today, I release Jon from this burden to “talk New Year’s Resolutions,” and turn to you, my virtual friends. Let’s plan and set goals! And then? We shall TALK ABOUT IT! 

I'm so excited.

For me, setting my New Year’s Resolutions is serious business. It sets the tone for the entire year. It keeps me on track, as I measure my daily activities against my goals. In the mundane months of every-day-ness, should I start to feel frustrated or confused about where God has me, I look back at my New Year’s Resolutions and immediately feel more centered and focused. It’s a constant reminder of where God is leading me, at least for this year.

I actually start thinking about all of this in the late fall, and most certainly by Thanksgiving. I don’t randomly or impulsively set my resolutions. Not by a long shot. I brainstorm. I ponder. I dream. And then jot down ideas in my journal as they come to me. I pray over them and listen for God’s direction, usually for weeks, before determining what my resolutions will actually be.

Here are some of the general steps I follow in setting my resolutions for the year:

1. I ask God: There is a big difference between asking God to help me form my New Year’s Resolutions and forming my New Year’s Resolutions and then asking God to help me fulfill them. I’ve beat my head against many-a-wall, chasing a dream that didn’t originate in God’s heart for me. I constantly remind myself that some goals are good, worthy goals, but not all goals are God’s will for my life right now, or ever. My heart’s desire, above all other things, is to be in the center of God’s will. So, before any idea turns into a resolution, I ask God for wisdom.

2. I look at five major areas of my life: Spiritual (prayer, Bible reading, character-development, outreach), Relational (marriage, parenting, friends and extended family), Financial (saving, spending, giving), Work-related (for me, this is blogging and teaching), and Health-related (exercise and diet).  I don't always have goals in every category. Sometimes I have miscellaneous goals that don't fit any category.  This is just to get me thinking about all areas of my life.

3. I look at last year’s resolutions: How did I do on those? Can I cross them off my list? Do I need to continue working on them in 2011? Did a previous resolution develop into a new and different resolution? If I didn’t fulfill a resolution, why didn’t I? I try to be realistic, but not too hard on myself. Just because I didn’t reach one of my goals, doesn’t mean I failed. I don’t follow through on every resolution for a variety of reasons. Even with all my brainstorming and praying, I sometimes set unrealistic or misdirected goals, so it’s actually a good thing that I don’t follow through. Last year, for example, one of my resolutions was to submit one article a week for publication, either in a magazine or another on-line forum. But it only took a few weeks to realize how time-consuming this was. Researching possible venues for my work, and then crafting original material within each magazine’s specific submission guidelines took much longer than I realized it would. Since I only had a few hours a week to write, I realized a better use of my time was writing quality blog posts for my own blog and submitting articles only occasionally.

4. I look at my season of life and my unique family dynamics. It’s so tempting for me to look at my peers and feel compelled to accomplish what they accomplish. I constantly have to remind myself that I have children who need me…a lot! I have a four-year-old, who is home with me all day. I spend almost 2 hours a day carpooling and another hour a day over-seeing homework. I have a hard-working and ambitious husband who relies on me to run the household. Taking care of my children, my marriage and my home trumps any other opportunity life affords me, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Even if other women choose to travel on the weekends for speaking engagements or be president of the PTO or work outside the home or run a home-based business, that is not me. At least not this year. I need to look realistically at my current season of life and set my resolutions accordingly.

5. I look at the Word of God. God’s been doing a lot of “scripture highlighting” for me lately. In my private prayer and Bible reading time, certain scriptures are leaping off the page. It’s crazy. I’m writing them all down, and asking God to show me what it all means for the upcoming year. God usually gives me one main verse to become my “theme” for the year, and it gets posted in a place of honor, in my direct line of vision—just above my coffee pot.

6. I listen to my inner promptings. My feelings don’t always dictate God’s will for my life, but many times God uses those little inner pushings and pullings to direct or re-direct my steps. Last year, as I lived out my every day, ordinary life, there were times I sensed strongly “this is not the way” and other times I felt an overwhelming “yes, this is it…keep moving in this direction.” I’ve been jotting all those things down and asking God for clarity, as I continue to live out my every day, ordinary life.

So that’s my insanely-detailed process. I’m curious, how do you determine your New Year’s Resolutions? Leave me a comment and tell me all about it. That’s right, it’s your turn…”Let’s talk New Year’s Resolutions.”

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It's me again...I'd love to do another New Year's Resolutions link up, like last year.  Be thinking and praying about your goals for 2012 and we'll have a little party, right here on the world wide web!  Let's aim for the first week of January.  Don't worry, I'll remind you. 

Only 11 More Days Until Christmas...

And I find this lying on my computer last night. 

FYI:  My 12-year-old daughter Rebekah likes to be called "Charlie."

FYI: I'm not making eyecontact with anyone here (JON!) but I'm pretty sure another adult in the house put her up to this.

FYI: We have had no less than 10 caged animals over the years. Everything from guinea pigs, to rabbits, to snakes to hamsters. And probably a few that I've blocked out of my mind.  Not to mention about 100 creatures we've "rescued" from the outdoors.  No lie.  When my daughter was about 3-years-old, she used to catch lizards and attempt to dress them in Barbie clothes.  True story.

FYI: I have personally fed and cleaned cages for every living creature we've owned.

FYI: I'm not a fan of cleaning cages, nor am I a fan of animal smells of any kind.

FYI: Yes, as a matter of fact I HAVE told my daugther to feed and clean them herself. That works really well for the first few weeks. And I'm all for disciplining children through natural consequences.  But I can't--for the life of me--stand back and watch living animals die from neglect,  even if it's to prove a point.  And trust me, I enjoy proving a good point.

FYI: Despite my daily feeding and cage-cleaning, I have watched every one of those pets die, eventually. A few of them I tried desperately to nurse back to health with my bare hands. Except for Pepper, the boy bunny. Pepper was a very, very bad boy bunny. Pepper peed on my walls. We let Pepper go into the woods one rainy afternoon. I told my daughter that some animals were created to live in houses as pets. Some were created to live in the woods with other wild (bad) animals.

Pepper, my dear, is a wild animal--not a pet. Pepper will be so much happier out in the woods.

Not my finest parenting moment, but when you are in charge of cleaning bad bunny pee off walls...

FYI: I have held sobbing children countless times as we carefully wrapped the good (and dead) animals in old baby blankets, made little coffins and then conducted animal funerals in our backyard.

FYI:  Currently, we house one stray cat and three brand new beta fish (replacing Bubbles the Beta Fish after his untimely death a few weeks ago.)  Oh, guess who feeds the cat and cleans out the litter?

So here's what I have to say to Santa in response, with less than 11 days before the blessed event:

Dear Jon Santa:

I humbly ask that you please consider our prior history with caged animals and the mental well-being of Charlie's Mother before you shimmy down our chimney with a bearded dragon.  I have a whole list of age-appropriate suggestions for her (none of which breathe, pee, require cage-cleaning or funeral-conducting), in the event that you can't think of anything else to bring Charlie.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Cooper

Fitness Friday: Healthy Strategies for December

1. Inhale. Hold. Release. This morning, my very first thought upon awaking was, “I have more to do today than I have “day” to do it.” That’s a fairly coherent pre-caffeinated thought, if I do say so myself. But, man, do I hate waking up with a sense of dread because I’m so busy. In December, most of us have more “to do” than we do “day.” If that’s you, take a minute today and b-r-e-a-t-h-e. Just pausing to ask God to help you set your priorities can make a world of difference in how your day plays out. I’ve already done it twice today. In fact, I’m doing it right now.

2. If your weekend is full of Christmas cookie exchanges and lovely buffet tables, stop and enjoy. It’s perfectly fine to indulge a bit over the holidays…just be picky with what ends up on your plate (and in your mouth). You all know you feel like garbage after you eat an entire plate full of sweets and greasy appetizers. Gather your wits about you and choose the very best ones. Then, take your time and savor every bite. Mmmmm….

3. If you are not attending a Christmas cookie exchange or an event with a lovely buffet table, then eat a little less than you normally would. Try eating one salad a day, for lunch or dinner. Try a piece of fruit and an egg for breakfast. At 3 pm, when you would normally grab a snack, try a cup of hot tea instead. Drink lots of water. It’s not difficult to offset your holiday calorie intake if you just think ahead and use a little self control.

4. Forgive yourself for missing a workout. Do what you can, when you can. Remember, something is better than nothing. And if today, your workout happens to be “nothing,” then, so be it. If you have some extra time on another day, then use it to extend your workout another 15 minutes or go another mile. Today may be a “nothing” day for me.  And I forgive you, Sandy.

5. And speaking of forgiving yourself, go ahead and scratch something off your Christmas To-Do List. Doesn’t look like you’ll get those Christmas cards out? No big deal. You can send them next year. Intended to make homemade gifts for grandparents and neighbors? Gift cards will do just fine. Haven’t strung the outside lights yet? That’s OK. A wreath on the door is just as festive. What can you let go of today? Go cross it off your list. Right now. I’m serious.

6. Bake the cookies with your kids. Maybe you hesitate because you don’t need another reason to indulge. Well, here’s a fitness secret: A little cookie dough by itself never made anyone fat. Besides, the pound you might gain is worth it, if it etches a life-long Christmas memory into the minds of your children. Trust me, this is time (and calories) well-invested.

7. Take healthy snacks on the go.  If you’ve got a day of shopping ahead of you, grab a piece of fruit, some carrot sticks, a baggie of almonds and a giant bottle of water. Stick them in a small cooler and bring them with you in the car. Munching on these healthy, wholesome snacks between stops will help you resist the temptation to grab that Cinnabon and gingerbread latte with extra whip from the mall food court. And it will also help you enjoy (guilt-free) the Christmas cookie exchange and the lovely buffet table later. And the homemade cookies you bake with your kids.

8. Be thinking about your health and fitness goals for 2012. Do you want to lose a few pounds? Do you want more energy? Do you want to learn to cook healthier meals at home? Do you want to try a new program (Hello? P90X2!!). Do you want to take a spinning class? Train for a 5K? Take up martial arts? Now’s the time to be plotting and planning and researching and dreaming. For me, half the battle of maintaining a fit and healthy body is fought in my mind, not in the kitchen or in the gym. With a clear goal and a do-able plan, I am always more confident and thus, more successful.

9. Take a Sabbath. Or a Half-Sabbath. Or a Quarter-Sabbath. Just find some time over the next few weeks to set aside your work for a day or for a few hours. The earth will not fall off its axis if you do. I promise.

10. Be nice. Even when you don’t feel like it…to the cashier who forgets to give you the sale price and has to call the manager to void the sale and start over. To the grocery bagger who promises she’ll pack all your cold stuff together, but then places the sour cream and one packet of ground beef in with your pantry items. To the child who collapses into a puddle on the floor whining when you pick her up from preschool because she’s eaten too many sweets. To the spouse who in all likelihood did absolutely nothing wrong, except maybe be in the room when you barreled through on your way to the next thing. Niceness makes the day go better. (Note: These are NOT examples from my real life. Purely hypothetical.)

11. Be present. If you find yourself racing from place to place, and the people around you are but blurry representations of their former selves…STOP. Last night, after a day of rushing around from carpool to cooking to cleaning to laundry to phone calls, I found myself rushing through a cold parking lot into a crowded school auditorium, where I pushed past the hundreds of other parents to find a decent seat. After plopping down, I stopped. And I just….looked. To my left, was my 5-year-old asking me to help her put fairy stickers in her sticker book. To my right, was a dear friend I hadn’t seen in a month. On the stage, was my oldest daughter, perfectly poised with a violin on her shoulder. I wasn’t actually there, though. Know what I mean? The pace of the day had already propelled my mind well into the future, where I was planning what I needed to do once the concert was over. At that moment, I had to physically WILL my mind to engage in the beauty of the people in my immediate presence. I resisted the temptation to rush through this sacred (yes, sacred!) experience. For the next two hours, I cleared my mind of all the junk I brought into the auditorium and all I had to do after we left. Instead, I chose to be present.

I pray you have a peaceful, productive and healthy Christmas season, friends.   

By the way, what did you cross off your to-do list?

Great Reads for a Thursday

First, Don Miller’s Blog. I love Don Miller. In the unlikely event that you are not familiar, he’s the author of the best-selling-book-soon-to-become-a-major-motion-picture, Blue Like Jazz. It is one of my favorite books. Recently, my pastor recommended I also read “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.”

So, I did.

I stretched out the reading of this particular book for as long as I possibly could. I literally cried as I read the last page. One, because it was extremely moving. And B, because the book ended. No lie. That is about the highest praise I can give a book—to literally cry when it's over.

I know, I really stink at book reviews, which is why I write so few of them.

So, anyway, I subscribe to Don Miller’s blog via RSS Feed (which after 3 ½ years of blogging, still have no clue what that means)—thus, the posts travel to a weird place on my desktop that is not in my immediate line of vision. Thus, I always forget his posts are there. Thus, every time I rediscover that I have unread Don Miller posts, I get all giddy inside, like I just discovered a $20 bill in my coat pocket.

So, this first link is from Don’s blog. Except that this particular post is not written by Don. It was a guest post by Jesse Rice. (Seriously, Sandy? Why the bunny trails?) It is hilarious. LOL-ing during the reading of a blog post forces me (yes, FORCES—I have absolutely no control over my actions) to read further and seek more material from said author. Which I did—Jesse Rice has a blog, hallelujah. It’s called, “The Church of Facebook.” As if the title wasn't awesome enough, reading the first few posts of his blog left me with no choice but to subscribe. Again with the LOL-ing. I subscribed via email, not RSS feed, by the way. Oh, and Jesse has a book, by the same name.  Which I need to order.

Here are those links:

An Open Letter to My Fear Of What Others Think
Church of Facebook

Next, a post by another one of my favorite authors, John Rosemond. Funny story about John: about 10 years ago, I saw John Rosemond speak at a live event. There, I asked him to sign my copy of his book “Making the Terrible Twos Terrific.” He did. And I cherished it. So much so, that I offered my signed copy to a new friend from my daughter’s playgroup who was having a terrible time with her two-year-old. A few months later, I asked my new friend if she was finished reading it (my cherished signed copy) and she said that she never read it and had no idea where it was. The end.

That was neither a story about John, nor was it funny. Just a little something that pops into my mind every single time I think about John Rosemond or my friend. (Let it GO, Sandy)

In this article, John takes issue with the popular parenting adage: Rules without relationship leads to rebellion. (Which interestingly, I have heard quoted TWO other times this week...isn't that strange?) This post is extremely timely for me, since my daughter (for which I bought the Terrible Twos book) is now 12 ½. Most days, I find myself groping my way through this unique stage of adolescent parenting. Or what I like to call the “I Have No Earthly Idea What the Heck I’m Doing” stage. Or the “Everything That Has Worked Up Until This Point No Longer Works” stage. Or simply the, “Jesus, Help Me” stage. If you find yourself here, this article may be timely for you, too.

Don’t Put the Cart Before the Horse

Finally, my friend Tyler wrote an outstanding post this week about finding the space in your life where you can hear God’s voice. Tyler says, “I’ve heard it said that you can tell where a person’s heart is by looking over his bank statements. In our day and age, and in particular for women, I think you can tell a lot about where her heart is by looking at her calendar.” Amen. I wish I would have written that.

Or, I wish Tyler would have written it as a guest post on my blog—since I have a blog about hearing God’s voice, and all, Tyler.

But since she didn’t, I’ll send you to her.

While you are there, you must click around a bit. She’s always been a good writer, but lately, she’s been hitting it out of the park. Go ahead and subscribe while you are there, too. For real. Via e-mail, not RSS feed. Unless you enjoy that feeling of discovering something good you forgot you had. Or your RSS feeds travel to a place in your immediate line of vision.

The link:

Life is Loud

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Q4U:  Do you have a great post you want to share? Is it YOUR great post? Time for a shameless plug. Leave a comment with your link so we can all come and see what you think is great--even if it's you.

Embracing Accusations

I have to admit, in the heat of the moment or in the aftermath of a confrontation, I listen to the wrong voice. I have a dark, inner voice. A voice who is relentless, merciless. It tells me I’m unworthy, unlovable and unable. This inner voice accuses and screams so violently above the gentle whispers of my Heavenly Father, it becomes nearly impossible for me hear the Truth about myself.

And so, more often than I’d care to admit (and as recently as, well…now), I embrace the accusations and align myself with the lies about who I am. Once I reach this point, only the Truth of God’s word has the power to convince me I am not a complete and utter failure as a mom, a wife, and a believer.

One of my goals for 2011 has been to define myself by the word of God—and the Word of God ONLY. So, this morning—after a night of hearing and embracing lies—I extracted some precious gems from God’s word. Things I need to know about my identity in Christ.

And I just figured that if I needed to hear them, maybe there were one or two of you who needed to hear them, too.

1. When you feel like, despite your very best effort, you continue to fail…Remember, God accepts you because of His mercy, not according to your righteousness.

“But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.” (Titus 3:4-7)

“It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption.” (I Corinthians 1:30)

2. When you feel alone, deserted and misunderstood by the people you love the most…Remember, Jesus was also deserted and misunderstood by his closest friends and family.

“Then all the disciples deserted him and fled.” (Matthew 26:56)

“Then Jesus entered a house, and again a crowd gathered, so that he and his disciples were not even able to eat. When his family heard about this, they went to take charge of him, for they said, “He is out of his mind.” (Mark 3:20-21)

He says He will be your Father, your defender.

"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling." (Psalm 68:5)

He will be your Husband.

”For your Maker is your husband— the LORD Almighty is his name— the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.” (Isaiah 54:5)

He will be your Friend

”I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” (John 15:14-16)

God is on your side. And if He is on your side, it doesn’t really matter who isn’t.

”If God is for us, who can be against us? “ (Romans 8:31)

3. When you feel like you stink at keeping the balls in the air and your emotions in check at the same time…Remember, He never asked you to carry that weight. He, alone, is in control. He runs your universe. He controls your kingdoms. He holds you in His arms.

"He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." (Isaiah 41:11)

"LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, enthroned between the cherubim, you alone are God over all the kingdoms of the earth. You have made heaven and earth." (Isaiah 37:15-17)

4. When you feel overcome and overpowered by darkness…Remember, God has given you authority over the darkness. You don’t have to put up with that garbage.

“You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.” (Psalm 91:13)

“In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.” (Ephesians 6:16)

“You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them [evil spirits that do not come from God], because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world" (I John 4:4)

5.And finally, if God asks anything of you, He will fully strengthen and equip you to perform the task.

“I can do all this through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13)

“Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.” (Hebrews 13:20-21)


Q4U:  What lies do you hear about your identity today?  Maybe I can help you extract the Truth about who you are.

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Today I'm linking up with Jen at Soli Deo Gloria

And Emily at Tuesdays Unwrapped

Fitness Friday: An Obese Child = Medical Neglect

Two months ago, in the town of Cleveland Heights, Ohio, an 8-year-old boy was removed from his mother’s home and placed in foster care. The reason? Medical neglect.

The boy weighs more than 200 pounds. According to government growth charts, an 8-year-old child should weigh between 55 and 60 pounds.

A 200-pound child is at great risk for developing many diseases such as diabetes and high blood pressure. This particular child has not been diagnosed with any of these diseases…yet.

But early last year, the mother and the boy showed up in the emergency room because the child was having trouble breathing. Hospital workers diagnosed him with sleep apnea (which is often linked to obesity), gave him a breathing machine and then alerted county workers of the boy’s condition.

(This should have been a HUGE red flag to this mother. Hello?  It is not normal protocol to alert authorities after a trip to the ER.)

Since that time, Cuyahoga County case workers have worked with this family to help the boy lose weight—for a period of 20 months, according to Agency Administrator, Patricia Rideout. I don’t know what “worked with this family” means. But I’ve got to believe that she was given some information on proper nutrition and exercise, at the very least.

This boy is paying dearly for his mother’s failure to respond. Not only is he morbidly obese and ill, but now he is forced out of his home, away from his mother, to live with strangers.

Childhood obesity is an epidemic in the U.S.—and this case is just one of probably millions that underscores the urgency of the problem. I have written about childhood obesity in previous Fitness Friday posts. As a mother, this is a health issue that frustrates and concerns me more than just about any other.

Children are vulnerable. They don’t have the intellect or maturity to understand what is best for them. We wouldn’t give them free access to other things that would harm them physically and psychologically—drugs, alcohol, guns, X-Rated internet content---why are we so nonchalant when it comes to the very thing that feeds and nurtures their bodies? Why do we wave it off to the tune of, “We can’t fix this. It’s too complex of a problem.”

Is it?


In the U.S. we have access to an over abundance of healthy food, so we cannot use that as an excuse. We also have access to an abundance of information about proper nutrition and exercise. We can’t use that excuse either. Other countries might be able to say this. Not us. 

Sure, there are many contributors to this problem, but it really comes down to this:

Children cannot eat food unless it is given to them by an adult—a parent, a school cafeteria, a trusted guardian, a caretaker. Children (especially the little ones) do not have money or transportation to stock their own food supply. They rely on adults to do that for them. And we, as the trusted adults, are failing our children, miserably.

At what point will we start taking responsibility for this as a nation? As schools? As parents?

Most parents I know love their kids as much as I love mine. They desire to provide the best environment possible to protect and nurture the little lives entrusted to them. I am sure the mother of this precious 8-year-old boy in Ohio loves her son very much. But somewhere, somehow, there is a disconnect between the ache of love that originates in our hearts and the act of setting healthy food on the table.

I talk to parents all the time who chuckle and roll their eyes at me because I take the time to flip over a package and read the ingredients. They act surprised that I won’t allow them to eat foods with hydrogenated oils (trans fat) or aspartame (sugar substitute). They act even more surprised that my children know what those two ingredients are!  I know parents who think they have no choice but to swing through the fast food drive-thru for dinner most nights, because they are just too busy to cook. I know many parents who honestly have no intention of eliminating processed, fatty and chemically-laden foods from their diets, because it’s just too much trouble.

Listen, I’m a mom, too. My three kids are just like yours. Given the opportunity, they would eat crap every single day. They love junk as much as your kids love junk. They would choose sitting in front of the Wii playing Super Mario Brothers to riding their bikes or chasing the neighbor kids outside A-N-Y-D-A-Y. Almost every day, I have to physically remove a crying kid from an electronic device and force him or her outside. Almost every day, I have to firmly remind a child to eat a fruit or vegetable instead of left-over Halloween candy. There have been days where, in total frustration, I’ve throw my hands up in the air and said, “Fine! Eat whatever you want. I’m sick of fighting with you about this.” (not my proudest parenting moment.)

I also do all the grocery shopping and meal-planning for my family. I absolutely know how much it costs to eat healthy food. I know how long it takes to prepare home-cooked meals. I know how time-consuming it is to test out different recipes so you can discover healthy meals and snacks your family will eat.

It feels like an uphill battle when the rest of your child’s world—school, other parents, grandparents, other children---are continually offering them junk. (Just this morning while dropping off my daughter at Mother Day Out, there sat a full tray of store-bought pink frosted cup cakes for their “snack.” Uggggh!!! My 5-year-old does not need to be eating a pink frosted store-bought cupcake at 10 am!!!)

Yes, I know all of this is very difficult. I’m right there in the trenches with you.

But let me ask you this: Since when is the best thing or the RIGHT thing also the EASY thing? Never. It never is. As a parent, you know this. I bet the mom of the 8-year-old boy knows it, too.

If I could talk to that sweet Momma in Cleveland Heights, I would first embrace her and tell her, “You can do this. I believe in you.”

And then I would remind her that God gave her this child and it is her responsibility to take good care of him—even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard. I would muster up all the self-control I had and resist the urge to say, "This is your KID, suck it up!"


I would tell her, it (the changes) might be different from what she’s used to, but it will be worth it. (Not only will she get her son back, but everyone will feel and look so much better.)

And I would tell her that, really, all the changes necessary are probably not as complicated as she thinks they are—eating healthy and staying active are really very simple. (Throwing some meat and veggies in a crock pot is cheaper and less time-consuming than driving to Burger King. Taking a walk after dinner is free exercise.)

I would encourage her that small changes will make a really big difference. (Cutting out soda and walking every day would cause most obese people to drop a tremendous amount of weight immediately.)

I would empathize with her by telling her every 8-year-old on the planet (and every adult) throws a fit when you take away the Doritos and replace them with carrot sticks. (So what? Who’s the parent here?)

And finally, I would remind her how her actions now will have a ripple effect and potentially change her entire family tree from here on out. (Her son will probably be a dad someday…)

Mom, Dad, Teacher, Grandparent…This is a big deal. We can’t make light of it any longer. We can’t wave it off as insignificant. We can’t ignore it. These are our children. Let’s take care of them.


Q4U: What do you think? Does allowing your 8-year-old son to reach 200 pounds constitute medical neglect? Did the government over-step by removing this child from his home temporarily until he loses some weight? At what point is the government responsible to intervene on behalf of innocent children?


I want to hear your thoughts on this.

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Related posts:

Of Kids, Carrots and Cookies (How I implement proper nutrition at home)

Instant Perspective, Part Two (How the reality of poverty in Guatemala vs. the over abundance of the U.S. forced me to act.)

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I'm linking up this week with Megan at Sorta Crunchy for Your Green Resource
and
Jill over at Fitness Friday
Go visit these ladies...they are awesome.

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Sources for this post:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/29/ohio-officials-take-200-p_n_1118186.html
http://www.focusonlinecommunities.com/blogs/Finding_Home/2011/11/30/should-the-state-be-allowed-to-remove-overweight-children