I Had A Dream

Last Sunday, I was indulging in a Sunday afternoon nap, and I had a dream. A nightmare, really. In my nightmare, I was taking a nap (heh). And the doorbell kept ringing (that part was also true in real life…neighborhood kids wanting to play with my children, I think. I ignored the doorbell in real life, but it permeated my dream ).

In the dream, I answered the door. And standing there was a lady holding a huge box of home décor items. Apparently, I had agreed to host some sort of party for this lady so she could invite her friends and sell her stuff from my kitchen table. Only, I had completely forgotten to write it on my calendar. I looked at her blankly. Then I glanced at the disaster-of-a-house behind me and asked her how long I had to get my house straightened up.

She replied, “everyone is on their way…now.”

So, there I was, foggy-brained with smeared mascara and bed head, staring at a strange lady with a box of home décor. My house was a wreck…toys on the floor, dishes on the counters and in the sink, pee on the toilet seat. (All of THAT was also true in real life.)

With knots in my stomach, I tried to figure out how in the world I could pull this off. I grabbed a laundry basket and began frantically sweeping things off my counters and into the basket. Then I started opening up doors to rooms so I could hide the basket. Only behind the doors was MORE clutter. EEK!!! There was no place to hide the clutter!!!

At last, I opened a doorway that was uncluttered, only to discover it was the doorway to the outside. And by hiding my clutter there, I would only be cluttering up the entryway to my home. I broke down and started crying. I couldn’t do it.

Today, I had a similar incident happen, only it wasn’t a dream. I got an e-mail from my children’s school with a series of announcements and up-coming dates for May. I quickly perused the e-mail before deleting, when I noticed that on May 10th, there is a Middle School and High School Orchestra and Band Concert.

Significance: I have a Middle School student who plays in the orchestra. I do NOT have said concert written on my calendar. May 10th (that would be this-coming Tuesday) is the night we are also hosting the Haitian orphans—for which I already cancelled other things so I could make that happen. Oh, and by the way, Middle School orchestra concerts are mandatory and count for 100 points of a grade.

My stomach sunk. My head immediately started to hurt. It was my napping nightmare all over again.

This is about the third thing this week that caused my head to spin and make me wonder how I will possibly be in two places at once: rained-out baseball games being rescheduled and suddenly colliding with dance recitals and dress rehearsals, which also collide art club and worship team rehearsal, which collide with Kentucky Derby parties and track meets, which collide with church picnics, track picnics, mother/son picnics, nursery worker appreciation picnics and all of that colliding with end-of-the-year class projects that involve me purchasing poster board and and assisting children for hours-on-end.


Help.


As May is in full swing, I find myself increasingly more anxious. Anxious about all the things I’ve somehow managed to creep onto our calendar. Anxious about who needs to be where, when, in what clean uniform and with what covered dish. Anxious that I will double-book two mandatory events (because I just did!) Anxious that I’ll forget I’ve scheduled a mandatory event altogether (because I just did!). Anxious I’ll be woken up from a much-needed nap, hosting a Sunday afternoon home décor party in a filthy house, with smeared mascara and bed head.

For years, I’ve proudly (and maybe that pride was the bad, sinful kind) waved the Banner of the Not-Busy Mother. I’ve judged (in a bad, sinful way) my overly committed, busy friends. I’ve resolved that I would never, EVER be that busy mom who lives in the car, feeds her kids on the fly and gets them into bed at 10 pm on a school night. The one who doesn’t have time for snuggling on the couch or drawing with sidewalk chalk on the driveway or picking dandelions in the backyard because she’s too busy stressing out while driving to 27 different activities. I NEVER wanted to be her. Never ever. I don’t like her. She’s evil.

But, I stand here today, confessing that I have become her:

Hello, my name is Sandy Cooper, and I am about to lose my ever-loving mind.

Oh, dear friends, there are so many directions I could go with this post at this point:

When Nightmares Come True.

Taming Your Schedule Before it Comes Back to Bite You.

The Lost Art of Saying No.

Embracing, Not Cursing My Reality.

If Saul Could Become Paul, There’s Hope For Me!

How to Host a Home Décor Party on the Fly.

But on this Mother’s Day Weekend, I just want to speak to every anxious, busy, over-scheduled Mom out there, and simply say two things:

First of all, I am sorry for judging you.  Honestly and truly sorry.  Time and time again, the Lord has made me eat my words and swallow my pride. He has done it today, and for that, I’m very thankful. I’ve eaten many a Humble Pie in my 14 years of parenting, why not today? I can bake a mean Humble Pie, I tell you. No grains, sugar or dairy, of course.

Second of all, you are not alone and you are not a bad mother. You are a gift to your children, hand-picked for your position, no matter how inadequate and flawed you feel today. When you find yourself in the middle of a situation that is beyond you—big or small, of your doing or not—it is the perfect time for you to run to your Heavenly Father. Anxiety can’t exist on the same throne as the Prince of Peace.

So, this weekend, if you are looking for me you may find me at the Kentucky Derby, wearing cute new shoes and a gorgeous pink hat. Or you may find me frantically trying to pick up a few groceries for quick meals. Or on the phone finding a ride for my daughter on Tuesday night. Or perhaps changing bed sheets on which precious Hatian orphans will soon sleep.

Or you may find me at any number of unknown, yet significant events that I’ve double-booked and failed to write on my calendar.

But one thing is certain, you will find me safe and secure in the arms of Jesus, thanking Him for

~every one of my children and everything they are able to do,

~equipping me to do this amazing job called “Mom,”

~and for allowing His peace to wash away every drop of stress and anxiety that currently keeps my chest in knots.

Happy Mother’s Day, to all my bloggy friends who also happen to be Moms. You inspire me and totally rock at what you do.