21 Days to Clarity, Day 11: Call a Friend

For Day 10, Click Here


Spend time with the wise and you will become wise…
~Proverbs 13:20a (NCV)

I bet you didn’t know I’m a twin. Not technically in the sense of sharing a womb or biological parents or anything. But a twin, nonetheless.

In 1991, after graduating from college, I landed my first “real” job with State Farm Insurance Company. On my first day of my first real job, I met Lisa. My twin.

We couldn’t look LESS alike.




And at the time, our lifestyles were equally opposite. Me—a young, single, zealous charismatically religious girl wound WAY too tightly. And she—a married, pregnant girl with a fabulous sense of humor and a bit of a wild streak. In all our opposite-ness, something drew us instantly together and bonded us for what I suspect will be eternity.

At the office, she spent hours and hours mentoring me in the intricacies of artful insurance claim negotiation. We’d steal away for the occasional BK Big Fish or mid-day shopping spree—uh, er, I mean, scene investigation—and talk. And talk and talk. About work. About God. About marriage. About life.

I was always amazed at my twin’s ability to thoroughly and swiftly analyze a situation and offer a sensible solution. She was—and still is—so very wise.

She counseled me through my engagement and first three difficult years of marriage. Repeatedly, she allowed me to cry on her shoulder, whine and complain. And then—as only a twin can—she gently yet firmly, pointed me back to the direction of my husband.

I credit her for the fact that Jon and I are still married.

I counseled her through her conversion to Christianity. I stumbled through life trying to show her what living for Christ looked like. Though I hardly deserve it, she credits me with leading her to Jesus.

I moved away. She came to visit me,




and I, her.



Life happened—between us we had seven children—and our communication eventually existed only through Christmas cards. We sort of lost touch…but at a heart level, twins never really lose touch.

A few weeks ago, I traveled back to my home town for Christmas and invited my twin out to dinner for the first time in years. For four hours we talked. And talked and talked. About work. About God. About marriage. About life.

During that dinner I marveled at the heart connection that exists between true friends. Friends who laugh (really hard) at your stupid jokes, cry at your pain and finish your sentences. Friends who share your values and your faith. Friends who challenge you to chase your dreams while still keeping your feet firmly grounded in your relationships. Friends who in one four-hour conversation at Applebees confirm everything God has been speaking to you in the private places of your heart.

Friends who—in a word—bring clarity.




Seeking out and investing in godly friendships has been one of the most spiritually rewarding things I’ve ever done. But for me, it is also one of the most challenging. While I love the deep connection that flows from a thriving friendship, being home and raising small children often breeds isolation. Add to that, my obsession with writing and my growing distain for the telephone…and, well…you do the math.

However, reconnecting with my twin confirmed what God has been whispering to me for months…

You are better off to have a friend than to be all alone, because then you will get more enjoyment out of what you earn. If you fall, your friend can help you up. But if you fall without having a friend nearby, you are really in trouble. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 CEV)

For as much as I long for one hour to myself (shoot, I’d take one potty break without a small child observing the entire event!), I must remember that God created me for relationship. For I was created in HIS image. And God is ALL about relationships.


So your quick tip of the day? Pray and ask God who He placed in your life for clarity. Then pick up the phone…and invest some time there.

For Day 12, Click Here