Snot and Tears

Yesterday went down a little something like this:

Me: “Elliana, give Chloe her Cheerios. Now, Elliana. Give Chloe her Cheerios NOW. “

Elliana (looking me in the eye while she continues to hold the Cheerios): “No.”

Me: “Give them back, or I will put you in a time out.”

Elliana: *Blink* *Blink* *Silence*



Then, gently, yet firmly, I take her little hand and lead her to the bottom step where I proceed to plop her little bottom down for two whole minutes. I set the timer, walk away, and endure the reverberation of sobs and screams until the timer dings.

(That’s a LONG two minutes--for both of us.)

Then I return with a tissue, where I gently wipe away snot and tears and say something like this:

“Elliana, you were in a time out because you took Chloe’s Cheerios and then disobeyed me when I told you to give them back. Do you understand that?”

*nod*

“OK, now I need to you to tell me you are sorry. Tell Chloe you are sorry . And tell God you are sorry.”

After Elliana gives all the appropriate tearful apologies, I wrap her in my arms and pray a simple prayer:

“Dear Jesus, thank you for forgiving Elliana. I know how much you love her and I love her very much, too. Please help her to obey Mommy and be nice to Chloe. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

Then I give her lots of kisses and tell her to go and sin no more.


Yesterday I think I put Elliana in time-out seven times. In a row. Not in the span of a 24-hour day. But more like in the span of an hour. I was doing my regular Tuesday morning babysitting gig, and for some reason, Elliana wanted to exert her authority over Chloe, age 16 months. Being the youngest of seven children myself, I can only speak from experience when I say it’s a rare day when the baby of the family gets to have control over much of anything. (insert light bulb moment here with regard to my own control issues). So, understanding completely the psychology of Elliana’s incessant need to dominate sweet Chloe, I’m slow to pass harsh judgment on my child. However, knowing I cannot simply allow Elliana to control Chloe’s each and every move, (insert visions of Elliana’s future marital woes and therapy sessions), I’m relentless in my discipline.

Even when I have to do it seven times in a row.

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" (Matt 18:21)

I love when God speaks to me through my children. Some of the most profoundly pure examples of His love and grace toward me come while I’m just doing my parenting thing. When I'm going about my day, doing my best to be a good mom.

I'm not sure how this started, but ever since my first child was old enough to disobey, I’ve been doing discipline exactly like this:

Discipline
Apology
Prayer
Forgiveness

As the children get older they are becoming more aware of their own sinful tendencies. And like me, they often waste a lot of mental energy beating themselves up for something I forgave long ago. So sometimes I need to follow up a time of discipline with this:

“Look me in the eye…You are completely and totally forgiven, by me and by God. Do you understand? It’s a clean slate. It’s as if it never happened. OK?”

I love to look on their faces when I say that. It's like a load of guilt and shame is lifted. Not because they deserve it. But because they've been handed a gift.

See, I not only want my children to know the right way and the wrong way to treat people. But I also want them to grasp the full extent of my love and forgiveness toward them when they mess up. And most importantly, I want them to grasp the love and forgiveness of GOD toward them when they mess up.


“Dear Jesus, thank you for forgiving Elliana. I know how much you love her and I love her very much, too. Please help her to obey Mommy and be nice to Chloe. In Jesus’ Name. Amen”

Yesterday, as I continued to discipline Elliana for everything from locking the baby dolls in my bedroom to hoarding all three doll carriages so Chloe had no toys, the reality of God’s grace toward me set in.

“Dear Jesus, thank you for forgiving Elliana. I know how much you love her and I love her very much, too. Please help her to obey Mommy and be nice to Chloe. In Jesus’ Name. Amen”

Every time I led Elliana to the dreaded time out step, she cried and wailed like it was the world’s worst punishment. And every time I led her through the apology-ritual, she said she was sorry from the depths of her little 2-year-old heart. But within minutes of wiping the snot from her nose, she’d be off committing another offense, as if she learned nothing.

Boy, she is so much like me.


"Dear Jesus, thank you for forgiving Elliana. I know how much you love her and I love her very much, too. Please help her to obey Mommy and be nice to Chloe. In Jesus’ Name. Amen."

So many times after I screw up, I get up from my snot and tear-filled repentance and proceed to do the exact same thing. Or sometimes I get up and do something even worse. Maybe you don't have that problem. But Elliana and I sure do.


"Dear Jesus, thank you for forgiving Elliana. I know how much you love her and I love her very much, too. Please help her to obey Mommy and be nice to Chloe. In Jesus’ Name. Amen."

And I have to go back to God and whomever else I offended...again. And I have to ask for their forgiveness...again.


Dear Jesus, thank you for forgiving Elliana. I know how much you love her and I love her very much, too. Please help her to obey Mommy and be nice to Chloe. In Jesus’ Name. Amen."

And again…

"Dear Jesus, thank you for forgiving Elliana. I know how much you love her and I love her very much, too. Please help her to obey Mommy and be nice to Chloe. In Jesus’ Name. Amen."

I don’t ever want to think I’m beyond needing God’s grace and forgiveness. I don’t ever want to reach a place where I think I can live a life pleasing to God apart from His strength and power to sustain me. I'm more convinced than ever, the only good thing that dwells in me comes from Jesus. Period.

And that’s why today, I’m so thankful for a God whose mercy is new every morning. Whose love never fails. Who promises no matter how many times I screw it up, He will gently lead me to a place of discipline, wipe away my tears and completely and totally forgive me.

"Dear Jesus, thank you for forgiving me. I know how much you love me, and I love you, too. Please help me to obey You and be nice to people. In Jesus’ Name. Amen."