Funny Post, Funny Blog

Since I am up to my eyeballs in all things "SIMPLIFYING" (which feels more like "complex-ifying" the longer it takes), and I'm still working on my book proposal...and oh yeah, I've got three kids...I need to do something quick, yet entertaining today.

I recently came upon a blog called Stuff Christians Like, thanks to my friend Shelly.

I think it's my most favoritest blog ever, and my blog wants to be just like it when it grows up. Today's post made me laugh out loud repeatedly. Check it out.


The Ultimate Christian Wedding Scorecard

1. You have someone read a Bible verse at your wedding. = +1 point for each verse

2. You have someone read 1 Corinthians 13, love is patient at your wedding = +2 points

3. You have someone read verses from Song of Solomon in the message version of the Bible and the verses sound vaguely like a Prince lyric and somehow include the phrase, "let's make out." = +3 points

4. The person you ask to read the verse is not a Christian and your primary purpose in asking them is that you hope that touching the Bible will rub off on them via osmosis. = +1 point

5. You do a unity candle. = +2 points

6. You weave three ribbons (representing you, your spouse and God) into a single strand that cannot be torn asunder. = +2 points

7. You refuse to hold a bachelor party because they're evil. = +1 point

8. You hold a bachelor party but call it a "guys that love Jesus golfing together party" = +3 points

9. The pastor that does your ceremony cracks a joke about sex = +3 points for every joke

10. You and your spouse take communion during the ceremony = +3 points

11. You and everyone at the wedding take communion during the ceremony = +4 points

12. You take a love offering during the ceremony = - 3 points

13. The pastor mentions the "don't let the sun go down on your anger" principle = + 1 point

14. You have a live bird of prey at the podium with you and your bride in order to symbolize the "mount up like eagles" Bible verse = +10 points

15. You receive a, "As for me and my house" plaque for a wedding gift = +1 point for each

16. You receive a Thomas Kinkade painting for a wedding gift = +1 point for each

17. You receive the first 15 volumes of the Left Behind book series in a commemorative wheelbarrow because the girth of that many books is physically staggering = +5 points

18. You don't have dancing at the reception because it's held in a church and that church doesn't approve of dancing and you miss your chance to dance, dance, dance the night away Jon Acuff. = -1 point

19. You have dancing at the reception and your grandmother gets on the floor and dances to Fergie's song "Fergilicious," Bennett Acuff (my little brother) = +1 million points

20. At any point during the ceremony a Shofar horn makes a cameo = + 1 point

21. The favor you give everyone is a Bible = +3 points

22. The Bibles are Gideon editions you stole from the hotel all the guests are staying at. = -4 points

23. Your pastor can't resist the temptation of a captive audience and ad libs the entire gospel message in the middle of your vows = +1 point

24. Your pastor asks you to take a seat for a minute so that people have room to come forward for the altar call. = +2 points

25. Your pastor mentions the phrase "covenant relationship" = + 2 points for each use

26. Your pastor tells the story of Adam and Eve = +3 points

27. Your pastor highlights the verses about "wives submitting to their husband" = +1 point

28. Your crazy aunt boos or hisses from the crowd when she hears this = - 2 points

29. The church you get married in lets you know upfront that they only allow "sacred music" and if you get married there you better expect the organ to be the main instrument used. = +3 points


0 – 10 Points = Not a big fan of God huh? Didn't feel like inviting Him to your wedding? Didn't think you could find a tux big enough for Him? Interesting.

11-20 Points = I don't want to call you "lukewarm" but it's possible you registered for gifts at that store, "I'm kind of a Christian."

21+ Points = Welcome to the big leagues. Your wedding is just like church except there's cake at the end. Onward Christian soldier.

To read the entire post and other interesting posts, check out Stuff Christians Like. I highly recommend Surviving Church as a Single.

I'll be back with a real post when I've simplified enough to carve out some writing time.